Circles

BrokenSoul8604 · 10-24-2004, 01:33 AM

In a scene where,
A thief’s greed is as little as nickels.
To see and grieve the lost thoughts
Too little ink to see, so much lead from the pencil.
It’s deeper than the green sea,
That bleeds when it’s meant to.
She Screams a thick shriek,
To separate the weak from the mental.
Separate speech from the moment of death….

Now man breathes a sound nostalgia.
Rough as the sands that are a solid ocean.
The sun beats ferociously, victims lay warm.
The moon; hidden in her covers for listening.
Waiting to wrap the world around twice,
And lean on it’s axis….
And cry a long bitter passage.
To Die along with his passion.
So sigh a song for his capture.

SacriFICE · 10-24-2004, 01:41 AM

Awesome..
the rhythm came so natural to me, its almost like my mind was scripting your thoughts as I was reading... I rarely feel that when I read poetry... rarely...

"The sun beats ferociously, victims lay warm.
The moon; hidden in her covers for listening.
Waiting to wrap the world around twice,"

The imagery here almost inspired me to stop and write...

Wow, I'll have to pack my things and move to the poetry forum if this is what I can expect to be reading

...

Awesome!

If you will;
Brush Strokes (keystyle)

BrokenSoul8604 · 10-24-2004, 02:04 AM

lol...good lookin out

RealMS · 10-24-2004, 12:52 PM

Too little ink to see, so much lead from the pencil.
Someone can write so much, but to others it is completely nothing at all, or you can say so much, but it seems like you're not getting your message across.
I think I'm losin my touch bein away for a while here lol.

Odd, but this one made me think of being stuck in a corner, with the world in front and the worst behind, yet the victim never moved.
-Much Love

BrokenSoul8604 · 10-24-2004, 01:31 PM

damn ma....your reply was better than my poem....lol

God Bless

Nereus · 10-24-2004, 03:24 PM

this piece was booming with imagery....in my mind it came across dark....sensed a lifespans end, that was glorious in it's moment....if that makes sense

this was hot....stay up

1-Hundid

BrokenSoul8604 · 10-24-2004, 11:45 PM

uppin

lpoet · 10-24-2004, 11:52 PM

i liked it but i'm not sure i know what its about..i kinda painted my own picture but i'm curious to see what the real deal is....it seems more like a scetch of something..seems like theres more to the story...

still a good piece though..its nice to let the reader picture his own scene sometimes

Upin for ya

Mind~$oul · 10-26-2004, 03:47 AM

Very vivid with your words in this piece. Seems like one of those pieces where the writers lets the reader decide on what he thinks it should be. I can take this in so many ways. Great work man

one luv

UFO the Phoenix · 10-27-2004, 04:01 AM

woooooord up!!!!....hahaha

Some new Broken Poetry

loving this yo....you always seem to know where to push the right buttons

word-play is crazy ill

the master at using nature in your work

and the concept just fits perfectly

diggin this one alot

keep on keep on Bro

PEACE AND GODBLESS

10-24-2004, 01:33 AM	#1 (permalink)
BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: DMI~ Posts: 705	Circles In a scene where, A thief’s greed is as little as nickels. To see and grieve the lost thoughts Too little ink to see, so much lead from the pencil. It’s deeper than the green sea, That bleeds when it’s meant to. She Screams a thick shriek, To separate the weak from the mental. Separate speech from the moment of death…. Now man breathes a sound nostalgia. Rough as the sands that are a solid ocean. The sun beats ferociously, victims lay warm. The moon; hidden in her covers for listening. Waiting to wrap the world around twice, And lean on it’s axis…. And cry a long bitter passage. To Die along with his passion. So sigh a song for his capture. __________________ A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

10-24-2004, 01:41 AM	#2 (permalink)
SacriFICE TRUspeak Join Date: Jul 1999 Location: Frederick, Maryland Posts: 5,891	Awesome.. the rhythm came so natural to me, its almost like my mind was scripting your thoughts as I was reading... I rarely feel that when I read poetry... rarely... "The sun beats ferociously, victims lay warm. The moon; hidden in her covers for listening. Waiting to wrap the world around twice," The imagery here almost inspired me to stop and write... Wow, I'll have to pack my things and move to the poetry forum if this is what I can expect to be reading ... Awesome! If you will; Brush Strokes (keystyle) __________________ SacriFICE @ Myspace TRUspeak.org "Be your own Sensei." "To be Great, is to be Misunderstood." - Emerson [center][size="1"][font="Arial"]

10-24-2004, 02:04 AM	#3 (permalink)
BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: DMI~ Posts: 705	lol...good lookin out __________________ A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

10-24-2004, 01:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: DMI~ Posts: 705	damn ma....your reply was better than my poem....lol God Bless __________________ A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

10-24-2004, 03:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Nereus Your Downfall Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: CT Posts: 3,112	this piece was booming with imagery....in my mind it came across dark....sensed a lifespans end, that was glorious in it's moment....if that makes sense this was hot....stay up 1-Hundid __________________ ...$'all Vengeance... -Fuck ass only the green moves me... -I got a clean Uzi-A pair of gloves and a mask from the scream movie... -So if your plottin on poppin off, sceem smoothly... -Or get a little red splatter on ya cream coogy... --Banks-- 1 -Hundid [list][/list]

10-24-2004, 12:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,184	Too little ink to see, so much lead from the pencil. Someone can write so much, but to others it is completely nothing at all, or you can say so much, but it seems like you're not getting your message across. I think I'm losin my touch bein away for a while here lol. Odd, but this one made me think of being stuck in a corner, with the world in front and the worst behind, yet the victim never moved. -Much Love

10-24-2004, 11:45 PM	#7 (permalink)
BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: DMI~ Posts: 705	uppin __________________ A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

10-24-2004, 11:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
lpoet POET Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 12,672	i liked it but i'm not sure i know what its about..i kinda painted my own picture but i'm curious to see what the real deal is....it seems more like a scetch of something..seems like theres more to the story... still a good piece though..its nice to let the reader picture his own scene sometimes Upin for ya __________________ "SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS" --lpoet

10-26-2004, 03:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,139	Very vivid with your words in this piece. Seems like one of those pieces where the writers lets the reader decide on what he thinks it should be. I can take this in so many ways. Great work man one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

10-27-2004, 04:01 AM	#10 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	woooooord up!!!!....hahaha Some new Broken Poetry loving this yo....you always seem to know where to push the right buttons word-play is crazy ill the master at using nature in your work and the concept just fits perfectly diggin this one alot keep on keep on Bro PEACE AND GODBLESS __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

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