Continuum Vortex

UFO the Phoenix · 10-02-2004, 07:06 PM

Continuum Vortex

Clock work against me ~ Bookmark my history
Jumpstart the century ~ I run with the current
The tongue of a serpent
Trying to taste my purpose ~ can’t waste TIME searching
Through man lies ~ my hands cry
If you felt what I’ve touched you understand why
Hourglass crush quicksand all dry
Frozen in line I can not rewind
My past set in tombstone ~ a born again Christian
Wondering who’s home ~ ? ~
Speaking jokes in layers – smoke and mirrors
Could invoke fears ~ until you choke in tears
I wrote this here
Just in TIME ~ giving you part of my life
Each second of mine ~ is another sacrifice
Tick tock devise
Minutes get lost when kept out of sight
So who’s keeping time ~ ? ~
Stop and Watch
The divine left a sign and 7 marks the spot
When the big hand and little hand high-5 the 12 o’clock
I transform into an Angel on your block
From the “AM” to the “PM” I try to do a lot
Cause the here and now is all we got
Until we reach God’s eternal plot
I re-learn how to walk
Speaking God’s word when I talk
Cause the world is a dock port and heaven is forever
So before TIME runs out you better
Finish this letter ~ and get it together
Because TIME is never friendly
Its not racist or picky ~ its faceless and empty
It could careless if you simply waste it
So take this present as a gift ~ and keep it sacred

June 23, 2004 by Oddie Sloan aka UFO (space angel born again phoenix)

DaJackle · 10-02-2004, 08:24 PM

i like that...heh i can still here the rapper in you ^_^ ...this was dope man...the internal rhymes from line to line really made moving...the topic was deep...it's true that we don't know how much time we have on this earth...all we can do is good...and try share that goodness with other people...deep piece, i love the complexety of your images...one luv...peace

Quotive · 10-02-2004, 08:43 PM

Yeah.. I knew you could write something to catch my attention, haha.

Diggin' the multies, I like when someone can rhyme words, and it actually MAKE sense. It shows you have a good vocabulary.

"Speaking jokes in layers – smoke and mirrors
Could invoke fears ~ until you choke in tears
I wrote this here
Just in TIME ~ giving you part of my life
Each second of mine ~ is another sacrifice "

Them lines were dope.. though you weren't consistant w/ the rhyming the whole piece, it still worked.

Ill drop man.

MURDERGHOST · 10-02-2004, 09:28 PM

i was feeling it too... the whole structure of the drop was tight...

and yes...you've made plenty of sense... Time is a crazy thing...

Whenever my boss wants me to stay overtime...i tell her...NO!

"my time is more valuable then money"...

which is true... well, in my opinion it is!...hahahaha...

Thanks for sharing this piece with us...

take care...

RealMS · 10-02-2004, 09:36 PM

I don't know, this piece seemed kinda short for me lol, I guess it was because you were writing about time. But hey- Ocean Blues still does it for me, the meaning of this poem captures me and makes me wanna read it over again because when it comes to this type of stuff, it just makes you want to do all of the things you've always wanted to do, b/c like ^he said you never know when that particular TIME shall come. Speakin of time, I'm doin some things I been wanted to do, and its sad that it takes a certain tragedy for us to realize this, but I'm learning to appreciate more of just plain ol straight up mother nature. Nice to read something from you, first piece I read on here yet tonight, uppin this for you as well.
-Much Love

BrokenSoul8604 · 10-02-2004, 11:28 PM

i liked the piece....i read it twice because the first part it kinda seemed you were forcing your rhyme scheme, but i re-read it: its all good...was feelin the whole thing....i cant really define or quote my favorite part because i felt it was well rounded, and a definite worthwhile read...

stay up

God Bless

~Eloquent · 10-03-2004, 12:21 AM

The tongue of a serpent
Trying to taste my purpose ~ can’t waste TIME searching
Through man lies ~ my hands cry
If you felt what I’ve touched you understand why
Hourglass crush quicksand all dry
Frozen in line I can not rewind
My past set in tombstone ~ a born again Christian
Wondering who’s home ~ ? ~
Speaking jokes in layers – smoke and mirrors
Could invoke fears ~ until you choke in tears
I wrote this here
Just in TIME ~ giving you part of my life
Each second of mine ~ is another sacrifice

^^^^^
it must feel great about feeling you could spread the word that you truly believe in...
i really havent found my place like that...
this was very well written,and i enjoy reading your work...shit is dope

UFO the Phoenix · 10-03-2004, 03:19 AM

Da Jackle - thanks yo....yeah I guess the rapper in me is good and bad I'm learning how to use it to my advantage with these poems

Quotive - no doubt you notice my strongest area too....multies....I could write em for days

MurderGhost - hey thanks for reading!!!...yeah time is money...be careful how you spend it

RealMS - Oceanblues is newer then this...this is my older work experimenting with poetry...but thanks for your honesty...I have mix feelings about this piece myself

BrokenSoul - thanks for the feedback...I do think I force alot of my rhymes...I need to get into a poets mindset

E Poet - ahhhh so you saw behind the lines...alot of what I write is either for God or about God...and when I wrote this I was fasting so I was just in my own zone

thanks for the love...ya'll inspire me to step it up

Mind~$oul · 10-04-2004, 03:30 AM

Really liked the concept of this piece. Also liked the way it was put together and how the words rhymed. I really dont like reading pieces that have too many rhymin words in it, but this one was well done. Didnt really have a favorite line in the piece. Keep it up

One luv

UFO the Phoenix · 10-04-2004, 10:54 AM

^thanks yo....good looking out I agree you walk a thin line when you rhyme to much in poetry...sometimes I can pull it off

lpoet · 10-04-2004, 02:41 PM

this shits clever..i like the way u rhymed and the structre of the piece..made it a fun piece to read....

So take this present as a gift ~ and keep it sacred

very well put

Upin this for you

Xero Satsujin · 10-04-2004, 09:01 PM

I could say nothin that wasn't already said about this poem that isn't great...I liked the way you set it up and wrote it. I have done poems that run parallel to one another, but nothin even close to this...dope shit man, mos' def...

10-02-2004, 07:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	Continuum Vortex Continuum Vortex Clock work against me ~ Bookmark my history Jumpstart the century ~ I run with the current The tongue of a serpent Trying to taste my purpose ~ can’t waste TIME searching Through man lies ~ my hands cry If you felt what I’ve touched you understand why Hourglass crush quicksand all dry Frozen in line I can not rewind My past set in tombstone ~ a born again Christian Wondering who’s home ~ ? ~ Speaking jokes in layers – smoke and mirrors Could invoke fears ~ until you choke in tears I wrote this here Just in TIME ~ giving you part of my life Each second of mine ~ is another sacrifice Tick tock devise Minutes get lost when kept out of sight So who’s keeping time ~ ? ~ Stop and Watch The divine left a sign and 7 marks the spot When the big hand and little hand high-5 the 12 o’clock I transform into an Angel on your block From the “AM” to the “PM” I try to do a lot Cause the here and now is all we got Until we reach God’s eternal plot I re-learn how to walk Speaking God’s word when I talk Cause the world is a dock port and heaven is forever So before TIME runs out you better Finish this letter ~ and get it together Because TIME is never friendly Its not racist or picky ~ its faceless and empty It could careless if you simply waste it So take this present as a gift ~ and keep it sacred June 23, 2004 by Oddie Sloan aka UFO (space angel born again phoenix) __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

10-02-2004, 08:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
DaJackle ThoughtS ProcessinG Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 493	i like that...heh i can still here the rapper in you ^_^ ...this was dope man...the internal rhymes from line to line really made moving...the topic was deep...it's true that we don't know how much time we have on this earth...all we can do is good...and try share that goodness with other people...deep piece, i love the complexety of your images...one luv...peace __________________ You can only do so much in life, at some point you just have to let go and let God decide...what is the meaning of life? it's very simple...to simply live

10-02-2004, 09:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
MURDERGHOST Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: LOS ANGELES Posts: 90	i was feeling it too... the whole structure of the drop was tight... and yes...you've made plenty of sense... Time is a crazy thing... Whenever my boss wants me to stay overtime...i tell her...NO! "my time is more valuable then money"... which is true... well, in my opinion it is!...hahahaha... Thanks for sharing this piece with us... take care... Last edited by MURDERGHOST; 10-02-2004 at 09:29 PM.

10-02-2004, 11:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: DMI~ Posts: 705	i liked the piece....i read it twice because the first part it kinda seemed you were forcing your rhyme scheme, but i re-read it: its all good...was feelin the whole thing....i cant really define or quote my favorite part because i felt it was well rounded, and a definite worthwhile read... stay up God Bless __________________ A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

10-03-2004, 03:19 AM	#8 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	Da Jackle - thanks yo....yeah I guess the rapper in me is good and bad I'm learning how to use it to my advantage with these poems Quotive - no doubt you notice my strongest area too....multies....I could write em for days MurderGhost - hey thanks for reading!!!...yeah time is money...be careful how you spend it RealMS - Oceanblues is newer then this...this is my older work experimenting with poetry...but thanks for your honesty...I have mix feelings about this piece myself BrokenSoul - thanks for the feedback...I do think I force alot of my rhymes...I need to get into a poets mindset E Poet - ahhhh so you saw behind the lines...alot of what I write is either for God or about God...and when I wrote this I was fasting so I was just in my own zone thanks for the love...ya'll inspire me to step it up __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

10-02-2004, 09:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,228	I don't know, this piece seemed kinda short for me lol, I guess it was because you were writing about time. But hey- Ocean Blues still does it for me, the meaning of this poem captures me and makes me wanna read it over again because when it comes to this type of stuff, it just makes you want to do all of the things you've always wanted to do, b/c like ^he said you never know when that particular TIME shall come. Speakin of time, I'm doin some things I been wanted to do, and its sad that it takes a certain tragedy for us to realize this, but I'm learning to appreciate more of just plain ol straight up mother nature. Nice to read something from you, first piece I read on here yet tonight, uppin this for you as well. -Much Love

10-03-2004, 12:21 AM	#7 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	The tongue of a serpent Trying to taste my purpose ~ can’t waste TIME searching Through man lies ~ my hands cry If you felt what I’ve touched you understand why Hourglass crush quicksand all dry Frozen in line I can not rewind My past set in tombstone ~ a born again Christian Wondering who’s home ~ ? ~ Speaking jokes in layers – smoke and mirrors Could invoke fears ~ until you choke in tears I wrote this here Just in TIME ~ giving you part of my life Each second of mine ~ is another sacrifice ^^^^^ it must feel great about feeling you could spread the word that you truly believe in... i really havent found my place like that... this was very well written,and i enjoy reading your work...shit is dope

10-04-2004, 03:30 AM	#9 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Really liked the concept of this piece. Also liked the way it was put together and how the words rhymed. I really dont like reading pieces that have too many rhymin words in it, but this one was well done. Didnt really have a favorite line in the piece. Keep it up One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

10-04-2004, 10:54 AM	#10 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	^thanks yo....good looking out I agree you walk a thin line when you rhyme to much in poetry...sometimes I can pull it off __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

10-04-2004, 02:41 PM	#11 (permalink)
lpoet POET Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 12,672	this shits clever..i like the way u rhymed and the structre of the piece..made it a fun piece to read.... So take this present as a gift ~ and keep it sacred very well put Upin this for you __________________ "SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS" --lpoet

10-04-2004, 09:01 PM	#12 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,197	I could say nothin that wasn't already said about this poem that isn't great...I liked the way you set it up and wrote it. I have done poems that run parallel to one another, but nothin even close to this...dope shit man, mos' def... __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

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