Those who seek

This is a discussion on Those who seek within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; Exquisite question to care for I love earth but what am I there for Barefoot on ashes, scars on my ...


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Old 09-17-2004, 08:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
Kaybi
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Those who seek
Exquisite question to care for
I love earth but what am I there for
Barefoot on ashes, scars on my rashes
I dive to survive reaching surface with splashes
The passion is instinct, despite what you still think
Let go and reach swift brink
Dont let confidence sink
A soulpiece, a whole piece,
Connect it to who seeks
Your way and your presence
The love's truest essense
Without it i doubt it
Your life wont be clouded
You shouted so loud that
Your voice just gave out and
Give love, and give heart, uncounted amount
Without it your life and our world will fade out

~one~
 
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Old 09-17-2004, 09:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
i was feeling it....i liked the flow of the whole piece.... keep it up..

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Old 09-18-2004, 04:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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babyangel17 takes it up the butt!
yea i agree the flow was good so was the words u used to set up the whole peice it was good
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Old 09-19-2004, 01:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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serioustempa takes it up the butt!
Liked the flow also, nice piece.

These lines I admire :

Let go and reach swift brink
Dont let confidence sink
A soulpiece, a whole piece,
Connect it to who seeks
Your way and your presence
The love's truest essense

Nice quote!
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Old 09-19-2004, 12:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Besides the poem I like the quote in your siggy, but back to the poem. It's kinda short when it comes to the message but I get what you're saying. Another thing I didn't really understand was the line:
I love earth but what am I there for
I mean I understand what you're sayin again here, but its like you're trying to make it seem you're not writing from earth, maybe in your own zone? Instead of saying "here" you said "there." If that was the case I thought that was ill lol, made me think of the piece a little deeper than what it actually was. "Those Who Seek," you're writing to enlighten others and make them feel better.
-Much Love
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Old 09-20-2004, 03:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!
Ummm piece was a lil cliche to me with the rhyming and all. Nothing against the piece though, i enjoyed the read i must say.


one luv
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Old 09-20-2004, 09:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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to me the piece didn't really have a direction, which could have been on purpose but made it confusing nonetheless. i'm not typically a big fan of quick rhymes in poetry but it did flow very well and would make a nice spoken word.
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Old 09-20-2004, 12:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
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ChyllTyrant takes it up the butt!
i'm not sure fade is the right word to use, too strong of an A sound. i might have used "blink".

Give love, and give heart, uncounted amount
Without it your life and our sight will blink out

...
something to think about...

otherwise this was great. i really liked it.

PEACE
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Old 09-21-2004, 04:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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cool thanks yall
nice feedback for real damn last time i posted somethin here people said "hot.." and thats it lol

mind~soul strange being cliche is one thing i didnt wanna achieve writing in a cliche topic
somethin for me to think over
Last edited by Kaybi; 09-21-2004 at 05:02 PM.
 
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Old 09-21-2004, 09:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
Funny thing here was the topic was wavering.. there were words that seemed thrown together just for a set of forced multi's. Seemed rush.. anyways... keep dropping and i'll keep reading.
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Old 09-22-2004, 07:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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niniane17 takes it up the butt!
started to quote all the parts of this i liked most, but i would have quoted the entire piece. nice flow, keep em comin
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Memory hither come,
And tune your merry notes;
And while upon the wind,
Your music floats,
I'll pore upon the stream,
Where sighing lovers dream,
And fish for fancies as they pass
Within the watery glass.......


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