What's Wrong With People?

This is a discussion on What's Wrong With People? within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; he's alone again, the mentality of men, symmetrical aftermath What’s Wrong With People? same sayings new sayings knew sayings change ...


Go Back   Rapmusic.com > Intellect Zone > Poetry Realm
What's Wrong With People? What's Wrong With People?
Register FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-14-2004, 03:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
AmIEternalOrAnEternalist?
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 830
ChyllTyrant takes it up the butt!
What's Wrong With People?
he's alone again, the mentality of men, symmetrical aftermath




What’s Wrong With People?


same sayings
new sayings

knew sayings
change saying

pains staying
lame complaining

in that
what’s wrong with people?

what’s right
what’s left
what’s light
what’s death

which twists in the intersections?
lead to
cross-sections of my
inner sanctions?

as the
rules scored
in
road school
i mixed
toad stools
and other
stowed tools

hip hop notic exercise
or verbal exorcism

is all this sick cess going to my head?

i got pulled over the other day
lost my book the other day
i got pushed over the other day
what’s wrong with people these days?
__________________
Twyll The ChyllTyrant
aka Verbal Kynt
aka Soul Prophet
aka Wally Wigglez

And Like That... He's Gone

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist.

http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant
http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth
http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny
ChyllTyrant is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2004, 05:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 93
niniane17 takes it up the butt!
beggining was good, liked the flow, but you killed the ending. it was kinda overdone and under-done all at the same time.

Niniane

keep em coming
__________________
Niniane


Memory hither come,
And tune your merry notes;
And while upon the wind,
Your music floats,
I'll pore upon the stream,
Where sighing lovers dream,
And fish for fancies as they pass
Within the watery glass.......


----William Blake
niniane17 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2004, 06:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
Pro 31
 
RealMS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA
Posts: 4,228
RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!RealMS will do you doggie style!
is all this sick cess going to my head?
-the question "what's wrong with people," may in return translate to "what's wrong with you," meaning in the eyes of the people they don't see the same as we do. I think you know what I'm tryna say. Outside looking in. That last part of the poem is kind of an opening to a part two I thought, I think I think that for many though, but very good job. Either I'm just thinking too deep here or, well I just lost my mind-
-Much Love
RealMS is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2004, 09:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink
Posts: 2,197
Xero Satsujin takes it up the butt!
Ok, I read this, the stopped for a second to go back and read the beginning again. I liked it honestly. Though it may seem abstract, the style reminds me of lpoet's, cause he tends to write like this. Anyhow, it's good to see something refreshin in the realm...
__________________


*!.¸(`*!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!*`)¸.!*


"Laissez les bon temps rouler"

"Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."
Xero Satsujin is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2004, 10:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 40
serioustempa takes it up the butt!
Kinda didn't want it to end that short but good try. Nice read!
__________________
SUNSET...
serioustempa is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 04:22 AM   #6 (permalink)
I'm Pretty
 
Mind~$oul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: North Memphis BITCH!
Posts: 17,145
Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!
Nice concept you came with. I really wasnt feeling the ending though. Maybe I need to read it again or whateva. Good piece though noneless

one luv
__________________
"Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney

"I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden
Mind~$oul is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 10:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
Lyme
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I enjoyed this.. not about to critisize do whatever you want.. its working
 
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2004, 12:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
Apparently Emotionless
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: DMI~
Posts: 705
BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
very nice beginning, the end wasnt as strong , but it wasnt bad.... enjoying read tho...keep it up

God bless
__________________
A poem begins as a lump in the throat,
a sense of wrong,
a homesickness,
a lovesickness.
BrokenSoul8604 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2004, 01:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
*DREAMER
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: at home
Posts: 635
ManMadeofAshes takes it up the butt!
This was really nice man, and believe me, I don't compliment too many people here. (it seems to get me into trouble)... and despite everyone else... very nice ending. But what would I know.. everyone here calls me repetative. But what would I know... everyone here calls me repetative.. hahahha

Ashes
ManMadeofAshes is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2004, 02:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink
Posts: 2,197
Xero Satsujin takes it up the butt!
^^^lol
__________________


*!.¸(`*!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!*`)¸.!*


"Laissez les bon temps rouler"

"Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."
Xero Satsujin is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2004, 03:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
POET
 
lpoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 12,672
lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mind~$oul
Nice concept you came with. I really wasnt feeling the ending though. Maybe I need to read it again or whateva. Good piece though noneless

one luv

i agree...nice idea behind the poem but i felt u could have came a lil stronger..piece didnt really seem to take ma anywhere....

u should come around more often...

UPIN
__________________
"SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS"
--lpoet
lpoet is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2004, 02:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: SIOUX
Posts: 1,281
tooshort21 takes it up the butt!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lpoet
i agree...nice idea behind the poem but i felt u could have came a lil stronger..piece didnt really seem to take ma anywhere....

u should come around more often...

UPIN
definetely could of came a little stronger with this, but nonetheless its was good man
__________________
will write poetry for food.
tooshort21 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2004, 10:08 AM   #13 (permalink)
Master Of Blades
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: The Unholy
Posts: 3,901
Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!Diablo will do you doggie style!
which twists in the intersections?
lead to
cross-sections of my
inner sanctions?

i liked that part a lot, but general i thought the whole thing was good...keep the thoughts flowing
__________________
◄UNHOLY MERCENARIES►
Diablo ≥ Joswik Gamboa ≤ DamO
THE RETURN OF THE DYNASTY
Diablo is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2004, 12:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
AmIEternalOrAnEternalist?
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 830
ChyllTyrant takes it up the butt!
thanks to everyone for responding... it's appreciated...

and all the criticism was taken to head, not to heart.

PEACE
__________________
Twyll The ChyllTyrant
aka Verbal Kynt
aka Soul Prophet
aka Wally Wigglez

And Like That... He's Gone

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist.

http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant
http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth
http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny
ChyllTyrant is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:34 AM.

Contact Us - RapMusic.com - Archive - Privacy Statement - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright (c) 800Media.com
Copyright © 1998-2008 800Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
No portions of this site may be duplicated without permission from 800Media, Inc.
Advertising | Privacy Policy