Put It Down

Quotive · 09-12-2004, 09:06 PM

With your paintbrush, I:

illustrate life. Burning skies,
and broken surfaces.

Each stroke contains a
deeper meaning than the
last.

A mistake is beautiful.
Your eyes are etched
with such serenity.

I exhale of toxins,
which you've created
life with.

Each tear resembles
the emptiness which
you speak of.

A thin canvus, a
broken easel. A
complete pair of
hopeless people.

I love you...

Light glares off
of your self-portrait.

I presume, agony?

Our logic was formed
without any concrete
knowledge.

I feel cold without
your warm oxygen.

I feel so incomplete
without your safe
touch.

I'm driven to the edge,
without your disguise.

A heart; marked
with vertical lines.

You, and I.

Beauty lies.

I:
Love you.

You:
will be hurt
within time.

illpoetical · 09-12-2004, 09:40 PM

this was quite beautiful. i liked the flow and the whole structure to it. very tight piece stay up

*Pink Lemonade* · 09-12-2004, 11:51 PM

this is a very well put together pice, like ^ said, the structure is nice, and it really adds to the effectiveness.

Mind~$oul · 09-13-2004, 04:42 PM

Piece was aight. Couldnt just really catch the vibe to it. I'll prolly have to read it later though.

"Each tear resembles
the emptiness which
you speak of"

^Was feeling those lines those. Reminds me of something i've prolly would have wrote down or something. uppin for you.

one luv

allnakey · 09-14-2004, 12:26 AM

I'm with soul on this one, it was ok... but kind of dry I guess, it lacked that something to carry it... but some of what was said was pretty nice... I dont know man, anyways it seems you are taking a liking to that one particualr style and that's cool, hope to read more form you

Stay Up, Much Love, Peace

tooshort21 · 09-18-2004, 02:28 PM

A mistake is beautiful.
Your eyes are etched
with such serenity.

the best part of this piece... it was well done dawg

I like your imagery in this, you made this reader feel it!!

good shit b.... peace tooshort

MzDee · 09-19-2004, 12:53 AM

this was a very nice poem and well structured
Much respect

ChyllTyrant · 09-20-2004, 12:42 PM

this shit got my brain going... early. good stuff.

PEACE

Sole Sovereign · 09-21-2004, 09:13 PM

Definately feeling everything but the end since pain is an ever present part of life, kind of just stating the obvious.. the rest of this piece was dope.

BrokenSoul8604 · 09-22-2004, 12:40 AM

A mistake is beautiful.
Your eyes are etched
with such serenity.

yo....i dont care what No one else said....this was ill...lol....keep it up.....

God bless

6ftground · 09-24-2004, 09:51 PM

Man Qou this was dope I like the set up easy to read and follow and the ending was the real... I knew you was a pimp... the ending "KILLING HER SOFTLY"..peace

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quotive

With your paintbrush, I:

illustrate life. Burning skies,
and broken surfaces.

Each stroke contains a
deeper meaning than the
last.

A mistake is beautiful.
Your eyes are etched
with such serenity.

I exhale of toxins,
which you've created
life with.

Each tear resembles
the emptiness which
you speak of.

A thin canvus, a
broken easel. A
complete pair of
hopeless people.

I love you...

Light glares off
of your self-portrait.

I presume, agony?

Our logic was formed
without any concrete
knowledge.

I feel cold without
your warm oxygen.

I feel so incomplete
without your safe
touch.

I'm driven to the edge,
without your disguise.

A heart; marked
with vertical lines.

You, and I.

Beauty lies.

I:
Love you.

You:
will be hurt
within time.

09-12-2004, 09:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
illpoetical raising the bar everyday Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Long Island Posts: 1,533	this was quite beautiful. i liked the flow and the whole structure to it. very tight piece stay up __________________ How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live. The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.

09-12-2004, 11:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
Pink Lemonade DLicious Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Around the Way Posts: 246	this is a very well put together pice, like ^ said, the structure is nice, and it really adds to the effectiveness. __________________ I Love You..

09-13-2004, 04:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Piece was aight. Couldnt just really catch the vibe to it. I'll prolly have to read it later though. "Each tear resembles the emptiness which you speak of" ^Was feeling those lines those. Reminds me of something i've prolly would have wrote down or something. uppin for you. one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

09-14-2004, 12:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,860	I'm with soul on this one, it was ok... but kind of dry I guess, it lacked that something to carry it... but some of what was said was pretty nice... I dont know man, anyways it seems you are taking a liking to that one particualr style and that's cool, hope to read more form you Stay Up, Much Love, Peace __________________ And I sat watching a flower As it was withering I was embarrassed by its honesty So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face Not this fucking wreck That's taken its place get some balls biatch or else

09-18-2004, 02:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
tooshort21 Banned Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: SIOUX Posts: 1,281	A mistake is beautiful. Your eyes are etched with such serenity. the best part of this piece... it was well done dawg I like your imagery in this, you made this reader feel it!! good shit b.... peace tooshort __________________ will write poetry for food.

09-19-2004, 12:53 AM	#7 (permalink)
MzDee Where Stars Fall..... Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: chucktown ,sc Posts: 58	this was a very nice poem and well structured Much respect

09-20-2004, 12:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 830	this shit got my brain going... early. good stuff. PEACE __________________ Twyll The ChyllTyrant aka Verbal Kynt aka Soul Prophet aka Wally Wigglez And Like That... He's Gone The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny

09-21-2004, 09:13 PM	#9 (permalink)
Sole Sovereign Hungry But Never Starving Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 2,927	Definately feeling everything but the end since pain is an ever present part of life, kind of just stating the obvious.. the rest of this piece was dope. __________________ ...Take a step: one step, one dive... ...Fate is death. A leap of faith over sunset's sunrise... ...Hate is everpresent, some let love die... ...even if you laced loosely, some get tongue tied... elo§overeign ˜W™

09-22-2004, 12:40 AM	#10 (permalink)
BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: DMI~ Posts: 705	A mistake is beautiful. Your eyes are etched with such serenity. yo....i dont care what No one else said....this was ill...lol....keep it up..... God bless __________________ A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

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