He Was Gone On This Day

This is a discussion on He Was Gone On This Day within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; Replied too Adorations Ebb and Flow An Ode to Ghettoqueen River Of Night i wrote this piece last night cuz ...


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Old 07-22-2004, 07:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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He Was Gone On This Day
Replied too
Adorations Ebb and Flow
An Ode to Ghettoqueen
River Of Night


i wrote this piece last night cuz today is the anniversary of that day
tell me wat u think


He Was Gone On This Day

I was at Ambers game...
You were at home...
I feel shame...
Sometimes i feel like a nome....
Trapped in this dome...
Its like hell...
I wish I could stay in my shell...
Never to come out...
Im always in the next bout...
I just wanna shout...

I thank god for letting u be my father...
I wish i would have been able to say what i felt about u before death came for u.
I wish heaven had a phone...
So I could call and let it be known...
Im sorry that i wasnt there for u b4 u left with god.

It seems like everytime i think my problems are over...
The dogs of hell come and attacked my moral...
I miss you father...
I need u...
Im glad it wasnt painful...
You left with God on this day...
Ill see you in heaven...

Love Erik

Rest In Peace Father
David a. Butzin
8/18/1960-7/22/2003
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Last edited by rhino_number_33; 07-22-2004 at 07:13 PM.
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Old 07-22-2004, 07:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
This piece is a perfect demonstration of how truely emotional content can over ride a polished flow. I really enjoyed the read and much respect goes out on your loss man. The line about heaven having a home will be sitting with me, it was striking most definately.
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Last edited by ForW0rd; 07-26-2004 at 01:07 PM. Reason: cause i cant spell
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Old 07-22-2004, 07:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Man, sorry for your loss, for real. I recently lost my grandmother. Losing someone at a young age like us is fucking tough. Especially when you didn't get to see them for the last time, fucking kills you...

"I wish heaven had a phone..."

I wrote a similiar line in a poem dedicated to my grandma, it went something like... "I wish heaven had a phone number, so I could hear your voice again".

Very heartfelt, and emotional eulogy.

...R.I.P...
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Old 07-22-2004, 08:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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thanx i appreciate, all of yalls support...thats cool quotive, im sorry for ur loss too
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Old 07-22-2004, 11:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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this was good...rhyming was a bit forced to me..but other then that very good

i like the emotion in it...shit like this can be hard to handle

writting always helps...nice job

UPin
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Old 07-23-2004, 01:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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yea now that i read it again, it does kinda seem like the rhyme is forced
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Old 07-23-2004, 06:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Sad sad piece, But it's nice to see you apreciated all that your dad did for you and all he was there to do for you. I guess memories live on... so let the bright ones shine and always remember you had something special once. This was a very heartfelt piece.


Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
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Old 07-23-2004, 06:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I thank god for letting u be my father...
I wish i would have been able to say what i felt about u before death came for u.
I wish heaven had a phone...
So I could call and let it be known...
Im sorry that i wasnt there for u b4 u left with god.

It seems like everytime i think my problems are over...
The dogs of hell come and attacked my moral...
I miss you father...
I need u...
Im glad it wasnt painful...
You left with God on this day...
Ill see you in heaven...

Love Erik

Rest In Peace Father
David a. Butzin
8/18/1960-7/22/2003


mad ups, and hope you can cope with your loss... good to see you postin again kid... peace
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Old 07-24-2004, 12:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I always say this when somebody writes a piece about a person they've lost. But it takes alot out of a person to do it. Keep your head up and stay strong.

one luv
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Old 07-24-2004, 12:36 AM   #10 (permalink)
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yea i agree mind and soul, it does take alot of a person, thanks tooshort its good to be back. c'mon more replies
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