..no Friends or Family..

[ManMadeofAshes]

(Gave feedback to BirthofTragety, TooShort21, and Brit Boi Gee)


She’s the kind of girl you see on the news
Pacing back and forth inside her house
Stepping over a hundred cats
pulling her hair out and yelling gibberish
“Fuck you fuck that fuck this”

Bitterness always clings to her tongue
she hates herself
Apparently it’s justification to hate everyone else too
(Hey, good for you)

Her friends mysteriously fade from the picture
conveniently forgetting to leave a phone number
Oh yeah.. that’s what happened with me too….

I just forgot…
cough* cough*

I think she is sick
Malicious
A sinister little bitch snickering inside a health hazard
Using her body to her advantage
Consuming what she can’t have
How typical
How fickle
Does she know acting out makes her seem unstable?

Her ankles are crushing under the weight of self-pity
I hope she refueled on another carton of ice cream

She doesn’t know how to deal with a problem
the kind of person who will have kids
And then drown them all in a bathtub
And then she will frig off that rotting cunt of hers
6 times in a row
even the trailer park tenets will notice the rotting smell
like an overflowing garbage disposal
anything turns foul with enough neglect
didn’t you Vega....
doesn’t it?

Or is this not a consequence of neglect but revenge?
Retribution
Is this how you think the real world deals with problems
Or is this just cause your American?
Your number one aren’t you Vega?
A bad ass with blood stained teeth
Hiding behind your permanent scowl

This girl devoured various part of me
Different stages of transition captured in my poetry
She took it all
In some sad attempt to soften her fall
A fall created through misunderstanding
A psychotic over reaction induced by my attempt to express something
Freedom of speech doesn’t mean a fucking thing
Some nasty narrow-minded whore is always on the other end complaining
Pretending to make an impact because she knows she’ll never be heard

Only a low life scum would do something so desperate
Cant take a hit you fucking bitch?
For once try swallowing what you spit
I learned to deal with pain
Oh look there is the crazy girl
Learned nothing
But to look insane

And yet shes so quick to judge my life
“You haven’t felt enough pain”
“you’re a fucking pussy”
yeah
but I got self respect and dignity
and all you carry is the memory of destruction
you got me
but Im still going

Im going to keep writing my poems

what I really think is
She was waiting for this moment
She wanted to fuck me in the ass
A well thought out plan fabricated in evil intentions
She keeps her enemies close because her friends wont go near her

Now I’m neither
Neither friend nor enemy
Just the boy who feels violated by something nasty
Vega you raped me

Now I have to lock all my doors tonight
And every other night
Because she is the kind of girl who will show up with a knife
And stab you a hundred times in your back
Just so she can laugh a laugh
To dissolve that permanent scowl, if just for a second

She stole and destroyed something that belonged to me
Sections of time I was trying to preserve
Recorded with my pencil and pen
And on the keyboard I’ve attached to the internet

Now its all gone
My unique time line
my art
pieces of my mind
And of my heart
And my soul
All bled out on the paper she wiped her ass with
A chunk of my life I tried to remember now forgotten

Thanks for nothing
Thank you for nothing

I wanted to know what her problem was
Why shes always so negetive
Its cause shes a coward
She is weak kneed
Stumbling clumsily about with no self esteem
Hiding behind her anger
And grinding her tobacco stained teeth

Well girl I think you’re a little extreme
Watching your parents to closely
But even you’ve told me they are fuck up
I don’t doubt it

now that Ive met you
Now that Ive met a perfect reflection

[Quotive]

This was painful... cruel, but shyt... wonderful. Brilliant yo.

"She doesn’t know how to deal with a problem
the kind of person who will have kids
And then drown them all in a bathtub
And then she will frig off that rotting cunt of hers
6 times in a row
even the trailer park tenets will notice the rotting smell
like an overflowing garbage disposal
anything turns foul with enough neglect
didn’t you Vega....
doesn’t it?"

That contains so much imagery, man.. whoa. I love it.
"Only a low life scum would do something so desperate
Cant take a hit you fucking bitch?
For once try swallowing what you spit
I learned to deal with pain
Oh look there is the crazy girl
Learned nothing
But to look insane"

Pretty morbid if you ask me. I liked it, but this is making me think of the Bride of Chucky for some insane reason. I'm really feelin this.

"Now I have to lock all my doors tonight
And every other night
Because she is the kind of girl who will show up with a knife
And stab you a hundred times in your back
Just so she can laugh a laugh
To dissolve that permanent scowl, if just for a second"

This really reminds me of my ex. The kind of girl that will you anything for attention. The kind of ruthless bitch that will fabricate any situation shes confronted with for sympathy. The kind of whore that will break you down to do as she pleases. Yeah, I can relate to this to an extent. Your story telling abilities are insane.

"She stole and destroyed something that belonged to me
Sections of time I was trying to preserve
Recorded with my pencil and pen
And on the keyboard I’ve attached to the internet

Now its all gone
My unique time line
my art
pieces of my mind
And of my heart
And my soul
All bled out on the paper she wiped her ass with
A chunk of my life I tried to remember now forgotten"

I felt I was robbed from my dignity when I was with my ex. I wrote, because my notebooks were the only thing I could devote my emotions towards. She fucked everything up. Made me insecure, and paranoid. She'd get pissed when I wrote how I felt about her. I can't even remember the last time I was happy. Like the last line a lot.

I don't get who this is about. But whoever it is, you told a BRILLIANT story, I get what you mean by taking someone to another place as they read poetry. You did it, and I thank you for the poem.

"now that Ive met you
Now that Ive met a perfect reflection"

God damn, perfect ending. This whole piece made me think a lot. Thumbs up man. You got my props, and respect.

[ManMadeofAshes]

awsome feedback man, thank you much. Its nice to read something more than, "I like this"
(Im sure ya know what thats about.) ay, and I checked out some of your stuff after reading your comment to tooshort21. If your actually 15, you got some crazy talent.

ashz

[Quotive]

Yeah, I'm Fifteen, sadly. Thanks for the props yo.

Post more, I'd like to read more of your work. I usually don't like long poems, because they are all repetitive, repeating the same ol' shyt thats stated in the beginning. But yours was different, and pretty cool. Diggin' ya style.

Stay up. One.

[ManMadeofAshes]

ya.. americans have short attention spans... its hard for them to read just 3 pages. Well I guess thats why george bush is in office. Just tell me what to think. Just tell me what to feel. I dont want to know anything about anything anyway! Hey I just stumbled on a national anthem that has meaning. ... oh wait.. thats not good thats sad..










!

[BirthOfTragedy]

excellent excellent

[Mind~$oul]

Damn man I think this is the second piece I've read from you. You have blown me away again. So refreshing to see something different.

Anyway my homie has a girl just like this. Seems like nothing is never good for her. She's an attention whore to the fullest. Always angry for no reason at all. I dont see how He can stand to be with her man.

"She keeps her enemies close because her friends wont go near her"

That's exactly how it is with her. Nobody fucks with that crazy bitch.

one luv

[shadygrady]

i really enjoyed reading this...

although i didnt like it in a poetic aspect...

simply because it seemed more of a story than a poem

i read in a previous reply that you wrote that you wanted it "all" so here it is!!

when i read the first paragraph(notice i would stay stanza if this was a poem!!) I immediately got the feeling that it was a story and not a poem.. Its just the format that you took in it I guess....

well im gonna leave it at that for now, unless you have a dispute with my opinion...

thanks for the read and look forward to reading more from you soon...

youre alot different than all the other writers in here and i find nothing but appreciation from that...
peace tooshort

[ManMadeofAshes]

well I do think this is poetry. Ive expressed something important, and although I dont cling to any specific poetic format, there is a general flow to this peice. I somtimes feel the same way about other peoples work, so I wonder if its just how you (or I) happen to read it. Its like, when I listen to a song and try to read poetry if fucks up the whole rhythm because I have some other beat already pumpin through my head. But I appreciate your perspective man... its like, at least you fuckin have one. I guess thing at poetry is its a perspective based on a fluxuating mindset. Ive read some poems and been like... ehhh.. whatever. Then some other day I will read it and think.. holy shit.. how is it that I didnt like this the first time around. I guess its like when you buy a new CD. To fully appreciate it takes some warmming up. Good feed back though.. thanks much to everyone.. and uhh
why not keep it coming?? I guess this in a sense is a long way of sayin..
"uppin this for more replys"

peace