renovation

[tooshort21]

~Jesus Got Played~ Mind~$oul
Cascade thoughts 6ftground
woefully Bestowed Brit Boi Gee\\\

bear with me people its grimey....... lol

Renovation
I want to take into my arms, touching softly,
A tortured soul,
And to listen to it's low voice confession,
To it's words, twisted with grief,

And to the secrecy of it's dreams,
that never came true,
To the moaning mixed with breathing,
To the music of shed tears,
To the thaw, that has come a bit late.

I'll pour out like blood my emotions
All over it's wounds, the unbearable injuries
Which sprouts out like cruel weeds.
And they will drown in my hands.

But the soul, renovated by me
And undergoing a lavation,
Will heal and become a different one...

But this is something one shouldn't thank for.

[ManMadeofAshes]

hmmm... I had to read this one twice. First off... props. This is crazy in just the fact that it looks nothing like your other peices Ive commented on. If not for the name Iwould assume this was from a whole other poet. Much more imagery. This is good. You got the things that a person can see and feel. for some reason I love this line.. or half the line.. something about the sound twisted with grief, as if its not already twisted enough.

What trips me out about this peice.. its not like something that is going to get me hard through its content... but this is what I think is fucking cool, and possibly completely unintentional. The poem is called Renovation, and that is exacally what this is. This is a complete renovation from the work I have previously read from you. This is not where you need to be, but this is a fucking nice stepping stone for you I think. Keep the shit coming eh, no ones perfect but uh.. what is that saying.. practice makes you a little more perfect.

Peace eh.. (gonna check out your other one now)

Ashes

[tooshort21]

lol

damn man, you sure do have alot to say!!

this is the type of feedback that takes a writer to the next level.... youre definetely helping!!

It is a complete renovation from what i usually write, but like i said before i like to mix things up when i write... I barely ever stick to one format, or style... It gets too monotonus

blah...blah...

thats it for now.... peace

tooshort

[really]

He sure does have a lot to say. Me, not so much. I liked this poem a lot, it's sweet. Have you ever seen What Dreams May Come? This kinda reminds me of it.

[shadygrady]

thanks for the feedback dawg,

btw just so you know im shadygrady as well

is that the movie with robin williams, if so that movie is really good....

thanks for checkin my piece and im fixin to check out yours now.... peace

[lpoet]

the right allignment and red small font was horrid on my eyes

lucky for u the poem kinda drew me in so i got threw it pretty quickly and easily

good job here man....

u write a lot...thats a good thing...wish i did

[tooshort21]

thanks for the feedback lpoet

yeah ive noticed you havent been posting as of late, too bad because i used to enjoy your work

peace and try to keep writing!!

[Nu Afrikka]

this seemed like a very intimate poem. I can imagine this poem being read with a whisper. Nice joint.

[tooshort21]

thanks NU afrikka, yeah i think it would sound good if i whispered it!!

good looking peace