Sun On My Back

Psycho69 · 07-17-2004, 01:30 AM

Too Much Too Say...
Cupid Isn't Stupid
Goodbye

Simple short piece I wrote.. was listening to an Eyedea song on repeat. Wrote it in maybe 10 minutes. Just something quick.

I walk with the sun on my back but never having it be felt
My heart, it's cold and transparent as ice, why can't it melt
I already felt it crack, we only move on due to a motivation
But I'm making it by with a hidden struggle and it's taking
It's toll on me as it should, I could feel that feeling of whole
Becoming a feeling of pieces created by a single small hole
Black and a mystery, like the one in space, unknown to time
My heart is damaged just as much as my soul and my mind
I feel that your essence is represented by them, it's symbolic
One piece suffers certain pain, the others go through all of it
But suffer unbalanced and unequal damage like some people

Would react different when put in certain life altering moments
Some let it go, carry it, get weighed down by it or could hold it
And roll with it and go through life unaffected like they left it
The second it had ended, and never again is it ever mentioned
Out loud or in their mind, no need to turn back hands of time
You either live life in the shape of a circle or simply as a line
You go around and go back or you just continue one way
Or circulate back to mistakes and relive them for another day
So when you go back around, they block your way again
But like the line and circle, there is no end, but all can mend

The pain, maybe not in one day, but cures can be obtained
If you have a curse, there is a blessing, like the sun and moon
Angels and demons, the sky and ground, the old and the new
Oppositions, pros and cons, reunite with what was once gone
Never forget, things you left might not always be gone for long
My heart could be frozen but that doesn't stop it from beating
Or meeting new problems incapable of ever being defeated
And that sun on my back moves like the circle so I'll just wait
For the day it comes back around and comes the other way
And maybe then can I feel it, when it shines warmth on my face

BirthOfTragedy · 07-17-2004, 02:41 PM

''My heart could be frozen but that doesn't stop it from beating
Or meeting new problems incapable of ever being defeated
And that sun on my back moves like the circle so I'll just wait
For the day it comes back around and comes the other way
And maybe then can I feel it, when it shines warmth on my face''

EXCELLENT, I am surprised people arent responding

Mind~$oul · 07-18-2004, 01:33 AM

Cool piece. I dont know if anybody ever told you this, but your work kinda reminds me of xero's work. You have alot of talent.

one luv

Psycho69 · 07-18-2004, 02:05 AM

Wow, thanks lol... that's a big compliment for me.

Psycho69 · 07-18-2004, 07:45 PM

Uppin

ManMadeofAshes · 07-19-2004, 02:22 AM

first 1/3 of the poem I thought was decent. Im a bit tired, but even so, I got sort of bored of what I was reading about halfway through. .. the I thought is sort of picked up again in the end. Good message, its nice having those sort of hopeful realization and but it into words. I would reconsider the midsection of this poem, but for the most part this is a nice read.

ashes

tooshort21 · 07-19-2004, 02:03 PM

im gonna have to agree with ashes on this one

man i so wanted to feel this piece

but it was just missing interest..... I couldnt get into it

it seemed a little on the depressing side if you know what I mean.... just my opinion

keep writing,

Psycho69 · 07-19-2004, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooshort21

im gonna have to agree with ashes on this one

man i so wanted to feel this piece

but it was just missing interest..... I couldnt get into it

it seemed a little on the depressing side if you know what I mean.... just my opinion

keep writing,

Yeah, but considering the time limit I wrote this in, it's understandable.

It's only a keystyle, like most of my shit. Something quick and simple just written for the hell of it. And I barely write at all lately so I decided to just post this one up

*shrug*

tooshort21 · 07-19-2004, 02:11 PM

cool cool

i have to admit it was good for the standards of a keystyle

but it still was missing alot.... check my new pieces out if you want... peace

Wicked5744 · 07-19-2004, 06:03 PM

It wasn't bad man. I was really feelin that last stanza for some reason. I'll probably have to re read this but it was pretty good for what I read. Keep the ink flowin.

07-17-2004, 01:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
Psycho69 Paint An Empty Page Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Ont, Canada Posts: 814	Sun On My Back Too Much Too Say... Cupid Isn't Stupid Goodbye Simple short piece I wrote.. was listening to an Eyedea song on repeat. Wrote it in maybe 10 minutes. Just something quick. I walk with the sun on my back but never having it be felt My heart, it's cold and transparent as ice, why can't it melt I already felt it crack, we only move on due to a motivation But I'm making it by with a hidden struggle and it's taking It's toll on me as it should, I could feel that feeling of whole Becoming a feeling of pieces created by a single small hole Black and a mystery, like the one in space, unknown to time My heart is damaged just as much as my soul and my mind I feel that your essence is represented by them, it's symbolic One piece suffers certain pain, the others go through all of it But suffer unbalanced and unequal damage like some people Would react different when put in certain life altering moments Some let it go, carry it, get weighed down by it or could hold it And roll with it and go through life unaffected like they left it The second it had ended, and never again is it ever mentioned Out loud or in their mind, no need to turn back hands of time You either live life in the shape of a circle or simply as a line You go around and go back or you just continue one way Or circulate back to mistakes and relive them for another day So when you go back around, they block your way again But like the line and circle, there is no end, but all can mend The pain, maybe not in one day, but cures can be obtained If you have a curse, there is a blessing, like the sun and moon Angels and demons, the sky and ground, the old and the new Oppositions, pros and cons, reunite with what was once gone Never forget, things you left might not always be gone for long My heart could be frozen but that doesn't stop it from beating Or meeting new problems incapable of ever being defeated And that sun on my back moves like the circle so I'll just wait For the day it comes back around and comes the other way And maybe then can I feel it, when it shines warmth on my face __________________ poetry is how I learned to speak my mind and oh, the conversations we’ve had...

07-17-2004, 02:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
BirthOfTragedy Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Brooklyn Heights. Posts: 4,350	''My heart could be frozen but that doesn't stop it from beating Or meeting new problems incapable of ever being defeated And that sun on my back moves like the circle so I'll just wait For the day it comes back around and comes the other way And maybe then can I feel it, when it shines warmth on my face'' EXCELLENT, I am surprised people arent responding __________________ C-Unit

07-18-2004, 01:33 AM	#3 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Cool piece. I dont know if anybody ever told you this, but your work kinda reminds me of xero's work. You have alot of talent. one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

07-18-2004, 02:05 AM	#4 (permalink)
Psycho69 Paint An Empty Page Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Ont, Canada Posts: 814	Wow, thanks lol... that's a big compliment for me. __________________ poetry is how I learned to speak my mind and oh, the conversations we’ve had...

07-18-2004, 07:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
Psycho69 Paint An Empty Page Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Ont, Canada Posts: 814	Uppin __________________ poetry is how I learned to speak my mind and oh, the conversations we’ve had...

07-19-2004, 02:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	first 1/3 of the poem I thought was decent. Im a bit tired, but even so, I got sort of bored of what I was reading about halfway through. .. the I thought is sort of picked up again in the end. Good message, its nice having those sort of hopeful realization and but it into words. I would reconsider the midsection of this poem, but for the most part this is a nice read. ashes

07-19-2004, 02:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
tooshort21 Banned Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: SIOUX Posts: 1,281	im gonna have to agree with ashes on this one man i so wanted to feel this piece but it was just missing interest..... I couldnt get into it it seemed a little on the depressing side if you know what I mean.... just my opinion keep writing, __________________ will write poetry for food.

07-19-2004, 02:11 PM	#9 (permalink)
tooshort21 Banned Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: SIOUX Posts: 1,281	cool cool i have to admit it was good for the standards of a keystyle but it still was missing alot.... check my new pieces out if you want... peace __________________ will write poetry for food.

07-19-2004, 06:03 PM	#10 (permalink)
Wicked5744 Last I awoke, it was morn Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Big D Posts: 1,490	It wasn't bad man. I was really feelin that last stanza for some reason. I'll probably have to re read this but it was pretty good for what I read. Keep the ink flowin. __________________ I rolled four times and landed on my feet

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode