Take a closer look...(couldnt really think of a better title as of right now)

~Eloquent · 06-30-2004, 07:11 PM

i was dropped off into the abyss,personally by my guardian angel...
banned completely from the pearly gates,and only welcomed by Satan...
i pour my heart out into my thoughts,but its always time wasted...
i stay waiting for hours,then you call me impatient...

to create an unbreakable bond with someone special
is what i would forever pleasure
but my hopeless endeavors
are twisted and shape shifted...
i try to forget it,but theirs no longer room for forgiveness...

and i truly adored your assistance
but then only one of us was persistant
to make this relationship work..
you paint this picture,like im some hateful jerk...

when this shy soul opens the doors into my inner world...
its only when i know that you understand..
i keep my stance so firm...
they try to completely dismantle it...

no such thing as friends,just foes that are so scandalous...
they take a piece of your soul,without offering condolenses in return...
i lay motionless and burn...
Satan has welcomed me...

ive felt so suicidal for over a decade now...
they have the nerve to say im weak...
and they return a much expected scowl...
like they never seen a white person before that wants to be reunited with the ugly truth
callin me a crac ker...
my hearts been bandaged up but constantly bruised

racist idiots try to make my journey difficult...
my strength is invincible...
even though ive attempt to share it...
memories with someone special,is all whats left to cherish

mother fuckers judge one solely based on appearance
but could never view the emptiness of my spirit...
im envious of this glowing angel...
that appears so whole,so fearless...

my heart is full of fear when another money hungry cop decides to trail me...
he loves to see the fear inside of my eyes,
but my heart will never fail me...

they say i have no point,
and i just bleed with negativity
but i know i bleed with authenticity
cuz look how many line up just to try to finish me?

so an attempted friendship has once again
became another rigid scene
i only wished to shed light upon my vivid dreams...

if you could take a glimpse upon this shattered soul...
maybe then you could begin to see...
what gives me strength to continue on...
i breathe among so many vicious pawns...
wishin to inherit the crown that the king dons
but day by day,i lose desire
to continue my path
inside this wretched kingdom....

kyza soza · 06-30-2004, 07:17 PM

even though ive attempt to share it...
memories with someone special,is all whats left to cherish

^^^hit me quite hard.. nice ish so far man

if you could take a glimpse upon this shattered soul...
maybe then you could begin to see...
what gives me strength to continue on...
i breathe among so many vicious pawns...
wishin to inherit the crown that the king dons
but day by day,i lose desire
to continue my path
inside this wretched kingdom....

^^^this was a nice way to close this piece man, im feeling it from start to finish.. and i can relate to this piece. The imagery was perfect, painted a real ncie picture...

Stay up, and keep active

1

If you got time man, can you get at my collabo with sparkle.. thanks if ya do.

~Eloquent · 06-30-2004, 07:36 PM

maybe the racial part was to harsh
but im so sick of being judged in the streets
in my hometown
its like i cant even go to the corner store without some cat tryin to stare me down

replied to
lost souls-poetic society
honour negro-blessense
and manmade of ashes piece
cant think of the name right now

Mind~$oul · 06-30-2004, 08:07 PM

dude check the intercourse...i'll reply to this later

Sun_Flower · 07-01-2004, 03:17 AM

Nice piece straight to the point.

Mind~$oul · 07-02-2004, 02:08 AM

Very honest piece you came with. Sensed alot of angry in it.

one luv

Mind~$oul · 07-04-2004, 05:09 PM

uppin

tooshort21 · 07-06-2004, 01:46 PM

i stay waiting for hours,then you call me impatient...

i dont think people know how strong that line right there is...... good drop dawg, peace

~Eloquent · 07-06-2004, 02:08 PM

its aight man,really i dont like this drop
its all over the place

Xero Satsujin · 07-06-2004, 02:35 PM

yo, I think I took a lot with this poem...I write about the very first part of this a lot...being delivered to hell by my own guardian angel and all...damn yo...really feelin this...don't expect this to fall off the first page for a while, cause Imma up it a couple of times for you if bastards decide to sleep on it...

allnakey · 07-07-2004, 12:16 PM

I'm not really feeling the whole racist stanza, but I guess it's all good. It seemed more of like a vent of some sort, cause it was all over the place not really focused, but the over all messages were felt. Nice piece I guess

Stay Up, Much Love, Peace

tooshort21 · 07-12-2004, 01:18 PM

i was dropped off into the abyss,personally by my guardian angel...
banned completely from the pearly gates,and only welcomed by Satan...
i pour my heart out into my thoughts,but its always time wasted...
i stay waiting for hours,then you call me impatient...

i didnt realize how much of an impact this beginning was until actually looking into it deep..... good drop fo real man

peace

06-30-2004, 07:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	Take a closer look...(couldnt really think of a better title as of right now) i was dropped off into the abyss,personally by my guardian angel... banned completely from the pearly gates,and only welcomed by Satan... i pour my heart out into my thoughts,but its always time wasted... i stay waiting for hours,then you call me impatient... to create an unbreakable bond with someone special is what i would forever pleasure but my hopeless endeavors are twisted and shape shifted... i try to forget it,but theirs no longer room for forgiveness... and i truly adored your assistance but then only one of us was persistant to make this relationship work.. you paint this picture,like im some hateful jerk... when this shy soul opens the doors into my inner world... its only when i know that you understand.. i keep my stance so firm... they try to completely dismantle it... no such thing as friends,just foes that are so scandalous... they take a piece of your soul,without offering condolenses in return... i lay motionless and burn... Satan has welcomed me... ive felt so suicidal for over a decade now... they have the nerve to say im weak... and they return a much expected scowl... like they never seen a white person before that wants to be reunited with the ugly truth callin me a crac ker... my hearts been bandaged up but constantly bruised racist idiots try to make my journey difficult... my strength is invincible... even though ive attempt to share it... memories with someone special,is all whats left to cherish mother fuckers judge one solely based on appearance but could never view the emptiness of my spirit... im envious of this glowing angel... that appears so whole,so fearless... my heart is full of fear when another money hungry cop decides to trail me... he loves to see the fear inside of my eyes, but my heart will never fail me... they say i have no point, and i just bleed with negativity but i know i bleed with authenticity cuz look how many line up just to try to finish me? so an attempted friendship has once again became another rigid scene i only wished to shed light upon my vivid dreams... if you could take a glimpse upon this shattered soul... maybe then you could begin to see... what gives me strength to continue on... i breathe among so many vicious pawns... wishin to inherit the crown that the king dons but day by day,i lose desire to continue my path inside this wretched kingdom.... Last edited by Eloquent Poet; 06-30-2004 at 07:12 PM.

06-30-2004, 08:07 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	dude check the intercourse...i'll reply to this later __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

07-01-2004, 03:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
Sun_Flower Bluez By Loves Eye Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 640	Nice piece straight to the point. __________________ The intimate rhythms of life... Moonlit in my eyes Illuminate this mystic divine Blinding sights that taunt’s for life

07-02-2004, 02:08 AM	#6 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Very honest piece you came with. Sensed alot of angry in it. one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

07-04-2004, 05:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	uppin __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

06-30-2004, 07:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
kyza soza This way up. Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 16,570	even though ive attempt to share it... memories with someone special,is all whats left to cherish ^^^hit me quite hard.. nice ish so far man if you could take a glimpse upon this shattered soul... maybe then you could begin to see... what gives me strength to continue on... i breathe among so many vicious pawns... wishin to inherit the crown that the king dons but day by day,i lose desire to continue my path inside this wretched kingdom.... ^^^this was a nice way to close this piece man, im feeling it from start to finish.. and i can relate to this piece. The imagery was perfect, painted a real ncie picture... Stay up, and keep active 1 If you got time man, can you get at my collabo with sparkle.. thanks if ya do.

06-30-2004, 07:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	maybe the racial part was to harsh but im so sick of being judged in the streets in my hometown its like i cant even go to the corner store without some cat tryin to stare me down replied to lost souls-poetic society honour negro-blessense and manmade of ashes piece cant think of the name right now

07-06-2004, 01:46 PM	#8 (permalink)
tooshort21 Banned Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: SIOUX Posts: 1,281	i stay waiting for hours,then you call me impatient... i dont think people know how strong that line right there is...... good drop dawg, peace __________________ will write poetry for food.

07-06-2004, 02:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	its aight man,really i dont like this drop its all over the place

07-06-2004, 02:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,197	yo, I think I took a lot with this poem...I write about the very first part of this a lot...being delivered to hell by my own guardian angel and all...damn yo...really feelin this...don't expect this to fall off the first page for a while, cause Imma up it a couple of times for you if bastards decide to sleep on it... __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

07-07-2004, 12:16 PM	#11 (permalink)
allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,860	I'm not really feeling the whole racist stanza, but I guess it's all good. It seemed more of like a vent of some sort, cause it was all over the place not really focused, but the over all messages were felt. Nice piece I guess Stay Up, Much Love, Peace __________________ And I sat watching a flower As it was withering I was embarrassed by its honesty So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face Not this fucking wreck That's taken its place get some balls biatch or else

07-12-2004, 01:18 PM	#12 (permalink)
tooshort21 Banned Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: SIOUX Posts: 1,281	i was dropped off into the abyss,personally by my guardian angel... banned completely from the pearly gates,and only welcomed by Satan... i pour my heart out into my thoughts,but its always time wasted... i stay waiting for hours,then you call me impatient... i didnt realize how much of an impact this beginning was until actually looking into it deep..... good drop fo real man peace __________________ will write poetry for food.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode