Transparent.

This is a discussion on Transparent. within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; I wrote this back in August.. first thing I've written in almost 2 years.. it's... different.. some of you will ...


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Old 10-20-2003, 12:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
Goddess
 
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~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!
Transparent.
I wrote this back in August.. first thing I've written in almost 2 years.. it's... different.. some of you will get it, some of you won't..


Transparent.



Don't let me be your Transparent.
Can you promise me that?

Don't ever forget about me..
I just ... need some attention. Your attention.
That's all.
I only want to know you care.

Keep me in your thoughts..
And we can have the perfect love affair..


I just need you to...


Let me be the air you breathe.
The air you need ...
... the air ...
that will. Choke. You.
and make you want to leave.
Deceive me.
Tell me your poison, and make me. beleive. thee.

Talk to me. Shut the fuck up.
Let's share a comfortable silence.
Be violent.
Whisper sweetly...
Tell me I'm classy. I'm a lady. I'm vulgar and obscene.
I'm your... Baby. Your tempest. Your Perfect. Black. Queen.


I just want to know you care...


Baby, let's make love..
Tell me how bad you wanna fuck me.
... ~mmmm~ .... Daddy... make me beg for it...
Kiss me.
Cum. On. Me.
Call me by another woman's name, then catch yourself.
"...You slimey son of a Bitch!"
Let me tell you, "I don't need you! You ain't about shit!
ûûûûû, roll the FUCK out! I'm through!!"
Then burn a hole into me with your.. glorious.. green glare..
As I move on with the next man.
Yeah, sweetie..
I wanna make you angry;
Hate me all over again.


I just gotta know you care...


Then you know what I want you to do?

Get me back.

I want you to fuss over me. Baby me. Fight over me.
Shit.. fight ME!
Yeah, call me a bitch and smack me!
A~ttack me.
Then tell me how...
... sorry...
you are.

"You mothafucka! Make it up to me!"
Ignore me... (but don't really).
Spit in my face.
Tell me you need me.. you can't live without me.
Love. Me.
Take care. of. me.
Kiss me.
and then...
bite me.
Spite me.
Delight me!
IGNITE ME!!
Cheat on me with her and let me cuss you out!
And fuck you up.
And be disgusted with you!
And hate you!!
And!

...forgive you... and... wanna be.. with you.. type... shit...


I need to know you care.


Pamper me.
Tell me to leave you.
Crawl back on your knees!
Beg! Me! To! LOVE! You!
YES!!
Call me your rock! Marry me! Divorce me! Propose again!!

Make me laugh! Make me cry! Whatever.
Just ... show me.. I mean something to you.

Something.. Anything!


I need your attention.


I have.
To know.
You care.



I need You.. and I want you to need Me too.


Whatever you do... however you treat me.. whatever you say...

Just let me know that I still exist to you.

Please.


Don't let me be your Transparent.


Okay?
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Freedom is not a reaction; freedom is not a choice. It is man’s pretense that because he has choice he is free. Freedom is pure observation without direction, without fear of punishment and reward. Freedom is without motive; freedom is not at the end of the evolution of man but lies in the first step of his existence.

~ J. Krishnamurti
Last edited by ~S*T*A*R*M~; 10-20-2003 at 12:49 PM.
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Old 10-20-2003, 01:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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the Guy with a Pen takes it up the butt!
wow

very interesting piece..
I've never read anything like this before

very original..
I totally caught the concept you were writing with...

I really enjoyed reading this....
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Old 10-20-2003, 02:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!
-standing ovation

This was unbelievable man, i read it twice so i could get a good understanding to it. The structure was so good, made it flow/read easy. The subject matter was on point, and it made sense(the title). I could actually here you sayin this while i was readin it, this would make a dope spoken word piece. I've been postin here since 99, i havent seen you post here that much...it think it's safe to say almost not at all in the past year lol. Hope to see some of your work again soon...
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Old 10-20-2003, 03:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!Feme Sole will do you doggie style!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mind~$oul

...this would make a dope spoken word piece...
exactly what i was thinking.....this is the kind of thing i really enjoy....this captured the way i felt in my last relationship....I could really FEEL this and that rarely happens.....i loved the colloquial style and the whole love me/abuse me type thing.....
grrrrrrrrrrrr i liked this lol

peace and blessings STARMY
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Old 10-20-2003, 04:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
It's all about da ass....
 
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marc antony takes it up the butt!
ouch....~S*T*A*R*M*~ be bringin the heat.....oooo...i have fallen in love with this voice....wish i could speak those words to a woman.........
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Old 10-20-2003, 05:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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in4it takes it up the butt!
this was hot loved this piece here very nice drop
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Old 10-22-2003, 02:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!Speedy Gunzalez will do you doggie style!
Damn, STARM...

I'm at a loss for words. This was totally unexpected, I didn't think you could write this type of piece.

As the others above me have wonderfully stated, this would sound great spoken.
Incorporating some compelling acting and emotions into it would wow the audience.

Looking foward to seeing more from you.

One Luv
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Old 10-23-2003, 05:45 AM   #8 (permalink)
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~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mind~$oul
-standing ovation

This was unbelievable man, i read it twice so i could get a good understanding to it. The structure was so good, made it flow/read easy. The subject matter was on point, and it made sense(the title). I could actually here you sayin this while i was readin it, this would make a dope spoken word piece. I've been postin here since 99, i havent seen you post here that much...it think it's safe to say almost not at all in the past year lol. Hope to see some of your work again soon...
Thank you =) Yeah.. I haven't written for a while.. the Realm used to be my spot tho.. when I first joined RM back when Nevamind used to drop B.O.M.B.S. on the regular & BLACKANGEL & Poe Tech & Lisa (sorry girl, I can't remember ur board name!).. way back when.. I kinda got a block.. lol for like 3 years.. we'll see where this goes.. I had no expectations w/ this peice.. I knew what I wanted to say.. I wanted it to be real and different.. but I just let it flow.. I trusted myself to be free w/ it and accept whatever came out.. I think the other title for this is could be "Confessions of an Attention~Whore".. hmmm... lol to behonest, re~reading this kinda made me blush a bit lol

As far as spoken word goes.. I thought so, too actually.. I've never done it tho.. even tho I wrote it, at this point, I don't think my voice could give it the power it needs to make it come to life.



Anyway, thank you ALL for the love.. I reeeally really appreciate the feedback! I didn't wanna come back here and drop trash, so I'm glad you all took it as well as you did.
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Old 10-23-2003, 07:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Dark_Angel takes it up the butt!
another poem i HAVE to 'wow' it was so...personal. i felt like these were thoughts and this was you just thinking throughout a day or minute or something, its just really got me...loved it, beautiful peice
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Old 10-23-2003, 01:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
[nOw iZ tHa TyMe tO AkT]
 
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Lil'Dragon takes it up the butt!
Absolutely stunning and jaw dropping. Ive only read 2 other pieces from u and they show ur versatility and talent immensely. No need to blush i think abuot what u've presented, the poem wouldnt be what it is without the gritty guttiness that u have engrained upon it. Look forward to more, koz everything ive read so far is far from trash - very far...
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........BUCK FUSH
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Old 10-23-2003, 02:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!BLACKANGEL will do you doggie style!
look At You...man That Poem Hit A Spot In Me That In All Honesty Shouldn't Even Be There But It Is...great Piece Girlie...youre Mos Def Doing It...nice...
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Old 10-23-2003, 02:37 PM   #12 (permalink)
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StubbilyMug takes it up the butt!
like this..
i'll be back..
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Old 10-23-2003, 02:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!Brahman will do you doggie style!
grade A poetry. this is absolutely fantastic..

i must say that i highly disagree with the content and am disgusted by the subtle glamourization of a woman's servile obsession to a man, but i feel that that's not how you're supposed to judge poetry.

the structure, the emotion, the word usage... everything was superb.

well done.
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Old 10-23-2003, 05:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~S*T*A*R*M~
when I first joined RM back when Nevamind used to drop B.O.M.B.S. on the regular & BLACKANGEL & Poe Tech & Lisa (sorry girl, I can't remember ur board name!).. way back when..

Yeah i remember them cats, add

medalion verses(sp)
da smoothest talka
borah
lil dragon
black soultan

mad cats

-sheds tear
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:00 PM   #15 (permalink)
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xoxo takes it up the butt!
well damn damn damn
i too have not written in 3-4yrs until last night
but shiiiiiiiiiit you came niiiiiiiice starms forreal
this shit is hot im absoloutely lovin it
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Old 10-23-2003, 09:57 PM   #16 (permalink)
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illpoetical takes it up the butt!
that was real much props
ill piece
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Old 10-24-2003, 12:17 AM   #17 (permalink)
[nOw iZ tHa TyMe tO AkT]
 
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Lil'Dragon takes it up the butt!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLACKANGEL
look At You...man That Poem Hit A Spot In Me That In All Honesty Shouldn't Even Be There But It Is...great Piece Girlie...youre Mos Def Doing It...nice...
OMG its BA without caps - what has the world come to??? Long time no see ma...

And Mind~Soul - stop makin me blush, i dunno whether i deserve to be up on that list. But i tell ya what, Judge definitely does! And i think starmy has pretty much got her chisel and hammer in hand to add herself in too...
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Old 12-17-2003, 02:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Syncerely takes it up the butt!
Peace:

absolutely excellent work
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Old 12-20-2006, 09:35 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Nevamind takes it up the butt!
up...uP...UP
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Old 12-21-2006, 10:45 PM   #20 (permalink)
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~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!~S*T*A*R*M~ will do you doggie style!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nevamind
up...uP...UP
lol.. I like how you just pop up like that.. even if it's 3 years later
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~ J. Krishnamurti
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