Just a little piece I wrote...

GorillaThugMC · 07-01-2003, 06:38 AM

Felt like writing a little something

I THINK that this is my first piece on here, I might be wrong though...

I speak wisdom, spectators learn with each listen
I leak visions, into the alleyways of the street system
I teach children, to grow strong with a righteous start
Fight this art and you might get left, with a lifeless heart
I lost God, hook me up, could you find and call him
Tell him I have his back, tell him I'm holdin' his spinal column
Tell him my life is bland, tell him my mind is bending
But don't ask him how I'll die, don't wanna spoil the ending
My thoughts are sending, strange brainwaves, sayin' I'm a felon
So tell him that I've commited crimes due to my Cerebellum
Tell him to search for blasphemy and pain if he wants to find us
He can find me in the same category as Loki and Osiris
Tell him he can find me on the, edge of a cliff
Stimulatin' my thoughts, lips on the, edge of a spliff
I'm dead when I spit, my life exits my body and enters my word
Sent to the nerves, out through my mouth to start dentin' with verbs.....

augee.ali · 07-01-2003, 07:12 AM

I like that shit...it sounds like somethin' bein spit at a cipher...you you be with your boys and shit, and be like "check out this shit I just wrote dawg". That was real nice, and it flowed smooth when I read it aloud.

allnakey · 07-01-2003, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by augee.ali

I like that shit...it sounds like somethin' bein spit at a cipher...you you be with your boys and shit, and be like "check out this shit I just wrote dawg". That was real nice, and it flowed smooth when I read it aloud.

^^^^^
yea

"But don't ask him how I'll die, don't wanna spoil the ending"

i liked that line right there, i was reading it and that line for some reason made me say damn, just a nice thought i guess.

good drop

stay up,much love, peace

Feme Sole · 07-01-2003, 09:51 AM

damn lil man.......smokes i knew you had it in you......NICE.......i like this better than your "rap" stuff.......much love

varentao · 07-01-2003, 10:52 AM

This had a gentle 'stand back and look' feel to it...

gentle, yet hard hitting...

one line hit quite hard...i most definetly felt it for what it was...

"I leak visions, into the alleyways of the street system"

^^That sums up a lot, you know..though the 'i leak visions' could be changed into something else to cater for other 'parts'...

...resp...

GorillaThugMC · 07-01-2003, 07:27 PM

Thanks y'all....

and of course this flows well, the name is GorillaThug'MC' baby!

Uppin' for more replies!

iceheart · 07-01-2003, 08:19 PM

told you it wasn't that bad. you should listen to me more often (when you ain't defiling kareems name) lovin it, keep em comin. peace

Iceheart

*GeMiNeYeZ* · 07-01-2003, 09:46 PM

and another reply for you. this was a great piece... if u ever thought it wasnt so great, look at all the positive feedback!

Swiss Miss · 07-01-2003, 09:49 PM

"Tell him my life is bland, tell him my mind is bending/ But don't ask him how I'll die, don't wanna spoil the ending"<---I liked this line a lot. This was real...one love

Lauren

GorillaThugMC · 07-02-2003, 03:21 AM

*wipes away tear*

Thanks, people!

Uppin, so I can get at least those two digits....

tk2oo3 · 07-02-2003, 03:41 AM

i think its nice, but lacks emotion and throw out some of that complicated vocab if you cant paint a picture wit it, people really overuse sophisticated vocab at times.. simple is good long as it comes wit a strong punch.. and um this is a poetry piece? dont limit yourself to a rap rhyme scheme with multies, do anything you feel like poetry rhymes when it wants to flows however you feel like makin it flow, dont do crafting that much write from the heart.. take an idea use it as key phrase & keep repeating it as you go along if you want although thats just one example.. strengths built in image not words, words are just the paint.. advice - dont limit yourself to a rap style & bring your heart to poetry, i used to write poetry in a rap style for class etc.. didnt really bring a strong piece of poetry till i started writing rap lyrics & then jus had emotion up inside of me that needed release & wrote secretz of my heart, so dont limit yourself to something like that, rap usually rhymes every bar, if you like that style you can still expand rhyming every 2nd line giving yourself more space to express yourself.. keep workin on it

GorillaThugMC · 07-02-2003, 04:43 AM

I'm forever an emcee, I'll use poetry how I'll use it.

I don't want to start writing shit that can barely be concieved without the reader actually being ME and knowing what I know and think. Shit like that needs a fuckin' instruction manual on the writer's emotions...

GorillaThugMC · 07-02-2003, 04:46 AM

Also, I see no complicated vocab in there

That shit's my style, dunny, nothin' complicated about it...

tk2oo3 · 07-02-2003, 04:49 AM

hmmm, expand & grow, & dont dismiss poetry styles differing from rap so fast when i wrote my piece i came up wit some shit that could be thrown in to rhyme into a song.. i mean it helps just wit imagery which you can i guess use later on to paint better pictures in rap.. & giving yourself more space only makes it clearer to the reader/listener not harder to understand?? so i dont really understand that last comment.. anyways keep an open mind..

tk2oo3 · 07-02-2003, 04:51 AM

haha yea sorry bout the vocab shit.. i just got stuck on cerebellum..

GorillaThugMC · 07-02-2003, 04:57 AM

I'd rather spit the shit blatant and clear as hell than do it subtle to the point that the reader won't even understand it unless he's God or has already been told what's it about.

I'm an emcee, not a poet, I'd rather do it this way than that way.

Peace

tk2oo3 · 07-02-2003, 05:03 AM

hmmm why does a poet have to be subtle.. you can be blatant.. seriously just bring your own style to poetry, if you come blatant it even gives you more space to express yourself than rap

GorillaThugMC · 07-02-2003, 05:15 AM

I'm fine with expressing myself as I am, if I find a metaphorical way to look at something and I want to write about it I'll do just that, but obviously I didn't see a metaphorical way to write this, and multi-syllabic schemes make shit more readable/listenable to me, so that's how I'mma do it. You say come with my own style, but I already have...

Feme Sole · 07-02-2003, 06:27 AM

do YOUR thing lil man......rb is back btw

GorillaThugMC · 07-02-2003, 09:47 AM

Yes, despite what inarticulate motherfuckers say about it!

*pounds his chest*

07-01-2003, 06:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	Just a little piece I wrote... Felt like writing a little something I THINK that this is my first piece on here, I might be wrong though... I speak wisdom, spectators learn with each listen I leak visions, into the alleyways of the street system I teach children, to grow strong with a righteous start Fight this art and you might get left, with a lifeless heart I lost God, hook me up, could you find and call him Tell him I have his back, tell him I'm holdin' his spinal column Tell him my life is bland, tell him my mind is bending But don't ask him how I'll die, don't wanna spoil the ending My thoughts are sending, strange brainwaves, sayin' I'm a felon So tell him that I've commited crimes due to my Cerebellum Tell him to search for blasphemy and pain if he wants to find us He can find me in the same category as Loki and Osiris Tell him he can find me on the, edge of a cliff Stimulatin' my thoughts, lips on the, edge of a spliff I'm dead when I spit, my life exits my body and enters my word Sent to the nerves, out through my mouth to start dentin' with verbs..... __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

07-01-2003, 07:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
augee.ali Lively Up Yourself... Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Gem City Posts: 1,734	I like that shit...it sounds like somethin' bein spit at a cipher...you you be with your boys and shit, and be like "check out this shit I just wrote dawg". That was real nice, and it flowed smooth when I read it aloud. __________________ *Lively Up Yourself...* And Don't Be no Drag...

07-01-2003, 09:51 AM	#4 (permalink)
Feme Sole TheGirlWhoSoldTheWorld Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: i stay below the surface, breaking bread with worms, it's depravity, not gravity, that anchors flesh to earth Posts: 18,029	damn lil man.......smokes i knew you had it in you......NICE.......i like this better than your "rap" stuff.......much love __________________ Malo: let me put my middle finger in your monthly blood and paint a smile on your face love never gave me an orgasm Look at you unbelievably brilliant beautiful you you're looking deliciously divine darling you really and truly do

07-01-2003, 07:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	Thanks y'all.... and of course this flows well, the name is GorillaThug'MC' baby! Uppin' for more replies! __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

07-01-2003, 09:46 PM	#8 (permalink)
GeMiNeYeZ ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~ Join Date: May 2001 Location: District Heights, MD Posts: 11,131	and another reply for you. this was a great piece... if u ever thought it wasnt so great, look at all the positive feedback! __________________ G e M i N e Y e Z ´·´.`.·ìÌìÌìíÍíÍí·.´.`·`Da Revolution´·´.`.·ìÌìÌìíÍíÍí·.´.`·` h \| g "If their purpose is of human origin, it will fail. But if it comes from God ...You cannot defeat them." ´.`.·ìÌìÌìíÍíÍí·.´.`Neon Genesis Evangelion´.`.·ìÌìÌìíÍíÍí·.´.`

07-01-2003, 10:52 AM	#5 (permalink)
varentao Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 765	This had a gentle 'stand back and look' feel to it... gentle, yet hard hitting... one line hit quite hard...i most definetly felt it for what it was... "I leak visions, into the alleyways of the street system" ^^That sums up a lot, you know..though the 'i leak visions' could be changed into something else to cater for other 'parts'... ...resp...

07-01-2003, 08:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
iceheart The Frozen Poet Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: antarctica - they sent me here citin some shit like "you are a danger to society" wtf. Posts: 692	told you it wasn't that bad. you should listen to me more often (when you ain't defiling kareems name) lovin it, keep em comin. peace Iceheart

07-01-2003, 09:49 PM	#9 (permalink)
Swiss Miss Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Western NC Posts: 135	"Tell him my life is bland, tell him my mind is bending/ But don't ask him how I'll die, don't wanna spoil the ending"<---I liked this line a lot. This was real...one love Lauren

07-02-2003, 03:21 AM	#10 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	wipes away tear Thanks, people! Uppin, so I can get at least those two digits.... __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

07-02-2003, 03:41 AM	#11 (permalink)
tk2oo3 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 2,082	i think its nice, but lacks emotion and throw out some of that complicated vocab if you cant paint a picture wit it, people really overuse sophisticated vocab at times.. simple is good long as it comes wit a strong punch.. and um this is a poetry piece? dont limit yourself to a rap rhyme scheme with multies, do anything you feel like poetry rhymes when it wants to flows however you feel like makin it flow, dont do crafting that much write from the heart.. take an idea use it as key phrase & keep repeating it as you go along if you want although thats just one example.. strengths built in image not words, words are just the paint.. advice - dont limit yourself to a rap style & bring your heart to poetry, i used to write poetry in a rap style for class etc.. didnt really bring a strong piece of poetry till i started writing rap lyrics & then jus had emotion up inside of me that needed release & wrote secretz of my heart, so dont limit yourself to something like that, rap usually rhymes every bar, if you like that style you can still expand rhyming every 2nd line giving yourself more space to express yourself.. keep workin on it __________________ "Theres ten rules to the game, but ill share wit you two Know, niggaz goin hate you for whatever you do Now rule one, get yo cash on, M O B Thats, money over bitches, cuz they breed envy Now rule two is a hard one, watch fo phonies Keep yo enemies close nigga, watch yo homies" "Weak mothafuckaz dont deserve to breathe How many niggaz down to die for me"

07-02-2003, 04:43 AM	#12 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	I'm forever an emcee, I'll use poetry how I'll use it. I don't want to start writing shit that can barely be concieved without the reader actually being ME and knowing what I know and think. Shit like that needs a fuckin' instruction manual on the writer's emotions... __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

07-02-2003, 04:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	Also, I see no complicated vocab in there That shit's my style, dunny, nothin' complicated about it... __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

07-02-2003, 04:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
tk2oo3 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 2,082	hmmm, expand & grow, & dont dismiss poetry styles differing from rap so fast when i wrote my piece i came up wit some shit that could be thrown in to rhyme into a song.. i mean it helps just wit imagery which you can i guess use later on to paint better pictures in rap.. & giving yourself more space only makes it clearer to the reader/listener not harder to understand?? so i dont really understand that last comment.. anyways keep an open mind.. __________________ "Theres ten rules to the game, but ill share wit you two Know, niggaz goin hate you for whatever you do Now rule one, get yo cash on, M O B Thats, money over bitches, cuz they breed envy Now rule two is a hard one, watch fo phonies Keep yo enemies close nigga, watch yo homies" "Weak mothafuckaz dont deserve to breathe How many niggaz down to die for me"

07-02-2003, 04:51 AM	#15 (permalink)
tk2oo3 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 2,082	haha yea sorry bout the vocab shit.. i just got stuck on cerebellum.. __________________ "Theres ten rules to the game, but ill share wit you two Know, niggaz goin hate you for whatever you do Now rule one, get yo cash on, M O B Thats, money over bitches, cuz they breed envy Now rule two is a hard one, watch fo phonies Keep yo enemies close nigga, watch yo homies" "Weak mothafuckaz dont deserve to breathe How many niggaz down to die for me"

07-02-2003, 04:57 AM	#16 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	I'd rather spit the shit blatant and clear as hell than do it subtle to the point that the reader won't even understand it unless he's God or has already been told what's it about. I'm an emcee, not a poet, I'd rather do it this way than that way. Peace __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

07-02-2003, 05:03 AM	#17 (permalink)
tk2oo3 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 2,082	hmmm why does a poet have to be subtle.. you can be blatant.. seriously just bring your own style to poetry, if you come blatant it even gives you more space to express yourself than rap __________________ "Theres ten rules to the game, but ill share wit you two Know, niggaz goin hate you for whatever you do Now rule one, get yo cash on, M O B Thats, money over bitches, cuz they breed envy Now rule two is a hard one, watch fo phonies Keep yo enemies close nigga, watch yo homies" "Weak mothafuckaz dont deserve to breathe How many niggaz down to die for me"

07-02-2003, 05:15 AM	#18 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	I'm fine with expressing myself as I am, if I find a metaphorical way to look at something and I want to write about it I'll do just that, but obviously I didn't see a metaphorical way to write this, and multi-syllabic schemes make shit more readable/listenable to me, so that's how I'mma do it. You say come with my own style, but I already have... __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

07-02-2003, 06:27 AM	#19 (permalink)
Feme Sole TheGirlWhoSoldTheWorld Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: i stay below the surface, breaking bread with worms, it's depravity, not gravity, that anchors flesh to earth Posts: 18,029	do YOUR thing lil man......rb is back btw __________________ Malo: let me put my middle finger in your monthly blood and paint a smile on your face love never gave me an orgasm Look at you unbelievably brilliant beautiful you you're looking deliciously divine darling you really and truly do

07-02-2003, 09:47 AM	#20 (permalink)
GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: I Am The Being Born Unto The Scorn, And I Am The Being Bringing Holy Wars Posts: 1,077	Yes, despite what inarticulate motherfuckers say about it! pounds his chest __________________ I eat, eat, eat, eat, eat spider monkeys

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