i saw her look

[vinous]

I saw her look

I saw her look at us
A double take on a supposed mistake
She said she didn’t mind mixed race
Relationships, as long as she didn’t have to see
Them. And brown girls are alright, as long as
They don’t try touch her sons.
You see, she may even have smiled at me,
If I had been by myself.

We offended some that day.
I saw her look, a judging sweep, a warning glance
I would have laughed but to this day,
I don’t find it funny.

It’s time for the subtlety to end,
But the message has always been blunt
To those who bothered to listen

I saw her look, and I told her
She was welcome to

It’s time to get used to the beauty.

[varentao]

I got mixed messages towards the end..

Was she masking how she found you attractive for the sake of her tired, hypocritical and society imposed beliefs?

Or are you saying that you don't care how she looks at you, and what she thinks. Because you, more enlightened, see the beauty..

Of course, though this centres on two characters, it's really a generalisation, is it not?

...well nicely done...though i felt once or twiceint he first stanza it felt slightly akward. Structure being the possible reason. And the second stanza i felt could've been executed a bit better. It could've been the way you constructed it to end (the build up), or just the words used in the last line. I felyt something that was blunt yet still had an echoing feel to it would've been good..

..overall, if felt there were some parts missing towards the end. The piece didn't go as well as it could've if i believe you had added a two lines to bring it more together...maybe elaborate a by doing it (no necessarily in a blatant way...sticking to the theme you stuck to..)...

...but it was a nice piece...

..resp..

[e'S]

jungle fever you got jungle fever
im playing
cool dude

[Infonation]

Nice shit, i thought it was going to be another love poem. Nice twist, on how society views thing, you desribed her attitude and feeling, very well. Nice shit.

^One

[lpoet]

She said she didn’t mind mixed race
Relationships, as long as she didn’t have to see
Them.

nice lines....havent seen a poem like this in the realm before....really enjoyed the read...up

[vinous]

thanx all for the love, wasnt sure of the responses i mite get - but its all good.

in response to varentao:
Or are you saying that you don't care how she looks at you, and what she thinks. Because you, more enlightened, see the beauty.. yip that was more the answer to ur first question.
But its not because im more enlightened that i see the beauty, the beauty is just there - the lady who i talk about just needs to recognise it.

Of course, though this centres on two characters, it's really a generalisation, is it not?

um, i suppose it is a generalisation, b.cos obviously not everyone feels this way - but i did write it from a personal experience, so i wasn't tryna generalise, just say wat happened to me........thanx all
pz.

[varentao]

^^^Yeah, exactly. You are more enlightened to see the beauty that is there.

Whilst her shrouded mind doesn't.

It a kind of racial undertone to it you see. So i thought it was about racism...

Once again, nice piece vinous...thanks for explaining it a bit..

Oh, and by generalisation i mean generalising on society if you would. Or that particular part of it...

[D.B.]

nice drop...stay up

[Cigma]

Creative approach and wording.

[vinous]

thanx all, yeh varentao is rite, it is a piece about racism/ignorance.....appreciate the feedbak, pz.