don't no (not titled)

chillone · 06-14-2003, 12:01 PM

The sun sets in the middle
of day..
Gray sparks sweep darknesss throughout
the landscape.
There is no escape...
" The end maybe near",
People shout out, cryin' out
in fear
They're tryin' to gather their love ones
and answers, but their are none.
So they walk aimlessly yelling at
a swelling, swollen moon.
The Boston skyline aint the same
no more
Only the infected tragedy echos
throughout the 6 boroughs.
Codmans Sqaure screams and bleeds
as it is broken into crushed leaves.
Crushed seeds of man lay adandon at
Ashmont Station.

They were waiting on the #5 , 22, and 28 bus

Then I woke up....

lpoet · 06-14-2003, 12:18 PM

welcome to the realm!

stick around....i think you'll like it here

this piece was nice...flow was nice...wish u coulda made it a lil longer...but still good......i also hate...hate...pieces without titles...haha.

...good titles make me wanna read pieces...

They were waiting on the #5 , 22, and 28 bus

Then I woke up....

like that...seemed to tie everything in well together

mumblez · 06-14-2003, 12:54 PM

str8 peice, dont disappear, like someone, caugh caugh, i aint sayin no names

chillone · 06-14-2003, 03:22 PM

Thank u... It was a dream I had early this morn. and I could
not understand it until I wrote down.. Anyway, thanks for the
veiw...

one-

Deathblow · 06-14-2003, 03:37 PM

nice piece, keep it up

varentao · 06-16-2003, 11:22 AM

This really dragged me into it all..

...the way you put it all together...in a kind of raw flowing way...

It just had a certain essence to it. So with that, i wont give any critique as such.

...resp...

Mind~$oul · 06-16-2003, 07:37 PM

Nicely writtin, everything flowed well. Liked the way you ended it too...Keep it coming

one luv

06-14-2003, 12:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
chillone Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Location: charlotte Posts: 12	a dream lefted open The sun sets in the middle of day.. Gray sparks sweep darknesss throughout the landscape. There is no escape... " The end maybe near", People shout out, cryin' out in fear They're tryin' to gather their love ones and answers, but their are none. So they walk aimlessly yelling at a swelling, swollen moon. The Boston skyline aint the same no more Only the infected tragedy echos throughout the 6 boroughs. Codmans Sqaure screams and bleeds as it is broken into crushed leaves. Crushed seeds of man lay adandon at Ashmont Station. They were waiting on the #5 , 22, and 28 bus Then I woke up.... __________________ chillone!!! Last edited by chillone; 06-16-2003 at 03:14 PM.

06-14-2003, 12:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
lpoet POET Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 12,672	welcome to the realm! stick around....i think you'll like it here this piece was nice...flow was nice...wish u coulda made it a lil longer...but still good......i also hate...hate...pieces without titles...haha....good titles make me wanna read pieces... They were waiting on the #5 , 22, and 28 bus Then I woke up.... like that...seemed to tie everything in well together __________________ "SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS" --lpoet

06-14-2003, 03:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
chillone Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Location: charlotte Posts: 12	Thank u... It was a dream I had early this morn. and I could not understand it until I wrote down.. Anyway, thanks for the veiw... one- __________________ chillone!!!

06-16-2003, 07:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,139	Nicely writtin, everything flowed well. Liked the way you ended it too...Keep it coming one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

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06-14-2003, 12:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
mumblez Registered User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 131	str8 peice, dont disappear, like someone, caugh caugh, i aint sayin no names

06-14-2003, 03:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
Deathblow its a G thang Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 832	nice piece, keep it up

06-16-2003, 11:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
varentao Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 765	This really dragged me into it all.. ...the way you put it all together...in a kind of raw flowing way... It just had a certain essence to it. So with that, i wont give any critique as such. ...resp...

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