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10-15-2011, 10:10 AM
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#1 (permalink)
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Memento Mori.
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 27,219
Mentioned: 444 Post(s)
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~ Night ~
Night.
Pale moon,
open graves,
dark cloud.
The cemetery is shrouded in mysterious black.
Night.
Forest fairies,
dance with the wind,
naked bodies.
White glow on the shore.
Night.
Silence everywhere,
nobody hears steps anymore,
nobody hears the cries anymore.
All have fallen.
Night.
Darkness throughout,
everything is shrouded in obscurity,
hidden traces.
Night creatures.
Night.
Solitary horseman,
rides across the plain.
Night.
The black wolf,
running through the darkness.
Night.
Blade glitter,
incised,
someone screams.
Blood.
Night
without the guardian,
light fires,
without guards.
Holy door.
Night.
Solitary horseman continues it's midnight gallop.
Wrapped in black.
Night.
Black crake, black wolf, black rider,
only a bloody blade in bloody chunks of bloody hands,
rip darkness apart,
only black figure with a black soul, black laughs,
cuts the silence.
The night does not end.
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❒Single ✔Taken (NOBLE SOLDIER ❤王 = hHh)
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10-15-2011, 10:48 AM
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#2 (permalink)
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former White widow
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Helsinki, Finland
Posts: 2,621
Mentioned: 19 Post(s)
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-fucked up high post-
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the embarrassed ex
Last edited by WWByeye; 10-21-2011 at 10:36 AM.
Reason: sorry
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10-15-2011, 11:37 AM
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#3 (permalink)
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Memento Mori.
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 27,219
Mentioned: 444 Post(s)
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...I see you're working on your battle verses...(=
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❒Single ✔Taken (NOBLE SOLDIER ❤王 = hHh)
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10-15-2011, 12:46 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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former White widow
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Helsinki, Finland
Posts: 2,621
Mentioned: 19 Post(s)
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-paranoid high post-
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the embarrassed ex
Last edited by WWByeye; 10-21-2011 at 10:36 AM.
Reason: sorry again
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10-15-2011, 01:03 PM
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#5 (permalink)
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Memento Mori.
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 27,219
Mentioned: 444 Post(s)
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...fine by me...(=
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❒Single ✔Taken (NOBLE SOLDIER ❤王 = hHh)
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10-15-2011, 01:07 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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former White widow
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Helsinki, Finland
Posts: 2,621
Mentioned: 19 Post(s)
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great poetry Gal
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the embarrassed ex
Last edited by WWByeye; 10-21-2011 at 10:37 AM.
Reason: c u
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10-21-2011, 10:12 AM
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#7 (permalink)
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Fireball Kid
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: N/A
Posts: 70,900
Mentioned: 11 Post(s)
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i liked it babe.. its still a little simple. but u have improved a great deal.. u just need to streagthen your metaphors.
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❒Single ✔Taken (Galatea❤Hime)
An Eye For An Eye, A Tooth For A Tooth, And Eternal Shackles For The Wicked
Get Ready To Be Judged And Punished
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErikForeman
Noblebro, your signatures have more periods than the average female lifespan, wtf
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10-21-2011, 11:11 AM
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#8 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 15
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Very good keep it up
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11-14-2011, 08:49 PM
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#9 (permalink)
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Don't believe the hype
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,871
Mentioned: 11 Post(s)
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I like this, and the way you handled the imagery was cool for the different elements you chose to write with. But, I think that the descriptiveness fell flat toward the end because of it's topical repetition through out the whole. It never changed in tone or mood...and because of that, it took away impact. This needed a full spectrum to really satisfy.
Still, a good drop.
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Which civilization in the entire history of the world did not have its fake gods, its own official and dogmatic version of history, its myths and its educated fools ?
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12-14-2011, 08:14 PM
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#10 (permalink)
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student for life
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: socal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coup d'état
It never changed in tone or mood...and because of that, it took away impact. This needed a full spectrum to really satisfy.
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With that already being said, I did enjoy the read. Thank you for the post!
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12-15-2011, 02:51 AM
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#11 (permalink)
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Memento Mori.
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 27,219
Mentioned: 444 Post(s)
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Ty so much for all the feedback. (=
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❒Single ✔Taken (NOBLE SOLDIER ❤王 = hHh)
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12-15-2011, 01:17 PM
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#12 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 4,124
Mentioned: 23 Post(s)
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needs work
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