Thunder At Virginia Tech #1

[wrench145]

THUNDER AT VIRGINIA TECH #1

Walk onroute and talk about evil and this clout is legal
Whack words from Blacksburg Virginia the April 19th sequel
Which started in 1993 in WACO TEXAS something was done feeble
Continue with a new menu into college where did we go wrong?
I fear every year oh its here and live with us, and it grows strong
Too many fools polluting with school shootings no bible teaching
Need disciples reaching to save our society as a variety are leaching
Onto computers need strong tutors, so I’m in Virginia Beach
Trying to find money as my mind felt funny like a Ninja reached
For rmy knife to clean my fingernails my softail springer prevail
Bought a Harley Davidson waiting for the bike classic to meet a female
And be smoking lace in an open space hoping to ace her with a few kisses
Can’t dodge cocks it like large rocks it stands in their way with reminisces
Ride with mad crews then the arrival of bad news about some dude
With an attitude shot up Virginia Tech oh no! with out a doubt rude
To pull a gun when the world is full of fun it seem so dim and stealth
Gunman went on a dirty spree killing thirty three including himself
It was all real I ate a small meal and ran home to see the TV was left
In a amazement the event caused unusual friction like the musical
Composition Fantasia the gunman was from Asia even with god’s approval
Virginia Tech university will never be the same

[absolute zero]

I like the fact that you're trying to represent sorrow for those at Virginia Tech and I condone your feelings.

With that said, I feel like this piece was whipped up in minutes and not given much thought to. Too many grammatical errors, coupled with the fact that you mentioned trivial things that no one really cares about in a poem like this (i.e: It was all real I ate a small meal) or "Fantasia the gunman was from Asia". It's almost like you ran out of ideas so you just looked for any word that rhymed.

Good effort. R.I.P

[wrench145]

naw just another example of realness thanks for responding to this absolute zero

[poeticdreamz]

anything that brings light to the Virginia Tech shootings is gonna get props from me. good post

[Mind~$oul]

Originally Posted by absolute zero

I like the fact that you're trying to represent sorrow for those at Virginia Tech and I condone your feelings.

With that said, I feel like this piece was whipped up in minutes and not given much thought to. Too many grammatical errors, coupled with the fact that you mentioned trivial things that no one really cares about in a poem like this (i.e: It was all real I ate a small meal) or "Fantasia the gunman was from Asia". It's almost like you ran out of ideas so you just looked for any word that rhymed.

Good effort. R.I.P

^Couldn't have said it better myself. The thought was there but it doesn't seem like you were that dedicated too the poem itself. Keep them coming

One luv


r.i.p

[v0id]

dude...i know the thought was there like the others said.

but to make it sound better you should've put more time into it..because it made seem less sympathetic/empathetic for us that live near VT and know people

just needed more work..thought was there though