You read the intro..Now read the start of the story " painted stories of life"

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You read the intro..Now read the start of the story " painted stories of life" You read the intro..Now read the start of the story " painted stories of life"
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Old 08-31-2006, 09:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
"one of the roughs,"
 
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HILARIONSOUL takes it up the butt!
You read the intro..Now read the start of the story " painted stories of life"
Painted stories of life
Is
dating
drinking
flirting
lustful
passion of dating dreams connecting
up late drinking thinking about her
the flirting, reminiscing of touch
ignites the night with lustful bliss
pregnant
no plans
doubtful
one night
oh how could she be pregnant shit
I have plans but no plans for this shit
I’m doubtful it’s even mine, one time, damn
she’s so promiscuous, how?, One night
Loveless
Hopeless
Darkness
Mindless
females lay lifeless feeling loveless fright
Hopeless dreams of he’ll change for the best
He’s darkness clouds his thoughts of what’s best
situations mindless as their unprotected sex
scratching
snatching
attaching
detaching
worried filled nights continued head scratching
thoughts clutter father and mother snatching reason
He’s attaching treason to the unfortunate event
She’s detaching realizing she’s a single mother....To be cont. or not
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Old 08-31-2006, 09:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
P0ETiiCLiiCHE'
 
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Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!Definit_ will do you doggie style!
I Like The Structure Alot..It's Different..
The Poem Didn't So Much Hit Me Like YOur Last One Though..
Nothing Really Stoood Out For Me.
Just Thoughts..


Bless.
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Old 09-01-2006, 03:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
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UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
woooord up....I'm on the same vibe as definit feeling the set up and the structure.....like poetry for dummies or it remind me of the 5 paragraph rule....maybe to much structure is bad?....I dunno cause it was a cool turn on but it turned me off to the poem....?....that dont make no sense I know....I guess what I'm saying is I love the originality behind this just wish that same creativity could of been shown within the poem itself

props
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Old 09-01-2006, 07:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
Words are my mind state
 
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I liked this alot baby boi. Like they said...the structure was definitely one you dont see everyday. But as i recall...thats how i used to do when i first started writing poems....Id make a list of all the shit i wanted to talke about then made the shit flow together. But anyways, i loved the flow of it. Nice drop
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Old 09-01-2006, 05:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
"one of the roughs,"
 
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HILARIONSOUL takes it up the butt!
To all of the great writers in here.
I enjoy all of your poems, they move me and motivate me to create change...
I thought i try a different structure called

Tyburn: Consists of:

1. A six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.

The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
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Old 09-01-2006, 05:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
"one of the roughs,"
 
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HILARIONSOUL takes it up the butt!
it's tricky to me but i think i can get it...thank you all for even reading my work..much love...yeah
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Old 09-06-2006, 06:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
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^I might have to use that one for the next writers challenge.

The structure in this poem made me not want to read this at first. I can relate to this piece in a lot of ways. Been there some years ago when I first found out I was going to be a father. All type of thoughts running through my head. Should I stay? Should I leave? Is the baby even mine or not? Damn near drove me crazy. Hope you add more to the story

One luv
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Old 09-09-2006, 04:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
Words are my mind state
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mind~$oul
^I might have to use that one for the next writers challenge.

The structure in this poem made me not want to read this at first. I can relate to this piece in a lot of ways. Been there some years ago when I first found out I was going to be a father. All type of thoughts running through my head. Should I stay? Should I leave? Is the baby even mine or not? Damn near drove me crazy. Hope you add more to the story

One luv

Man why you givin Mind ideas!
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Old 09-09-2006, 03:49 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I dont mind the structure but I think you could have use a little more word play. Everything was just to direct.


When you have the chance, could you give me some feedback on the topic i posted called Skin on Skin.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THE TOPIC

Peace,
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