this notebook could save my life

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Old 08-31-2006, 11:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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someone Died takes it up the butt!
this notebook could save my life
... ouq sti

it might be something i said
and maybe its me
because white girls have no ass
plus, im homeless
these ballroom dancers are beautiful
inspiration
and this makes no sense
so when the sky falls
the planets will look sophisticated
we could play checkers on the stars
i can dance
and grasp shoestrings
are you supplying the heroin?
perhaps the mishaps are perfect
perhaps the shotgun killed a stranger
at her wedding
exchanged panic rang out
i relapsed, a misprint
"welcome to our suicide party"
ever so brisk...
the weathers cold, and
he never told his
side of the story
she left her souls kiss
on the side of the road

for better days
Last edited by someone Died; 09-01-2006 at 09:40 AM.
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Old 08-31-2006, 01:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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welcome to the realm..

i thought this was an interesting piece..not really sure where you were trying to take this b/c some parts seemed a bit off..the ending was the strongest part to me..

stick around and reply to some of the other poets and i'm sure this will get lots of replies..
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Old 08-31-2006, 04:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
that last half hit me like a Bhitiah line.....the rest of the poem felt a bit scattered though and it was hard to follow...but if its about a notebook I know how that goes my notebook is full of scattered thoughts....different events and moments in life at different times to match with different rhymes...so yeah I feel ya on that perspective of things
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Old 09-01-2006, 07:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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i deifinitely liked this one better then the last one i replied to.
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Old 09-01-2006, 09:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UFO the Phoenix
that last half hit me like a Bhitiah line.....the rest of the poem felt a bit scattered though and it was hard to follow...but if its about a notebook I know how that goes my notebook is full of scattered thoughts....different events and moments in life at different times to match with different rhymes...so yeah I feel ya on that perspective of things
there we go. its like scattered thoughts in my notebook. i haven't been writing in a while. i read Dan's post in the intercourse and i got insparation. its been a while, ever since i got banned :\ damn Malik! lol

but this time, i'm not even going to say much... just browse, and reply occasionally.
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Old 09-06-2006, 05:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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^lol wait who are you? Don't damn me, I can't even ban people.

But like UFO was saying my notebook is full stuff just like this. Random thoughts colliding into each other onto the page. Most of the time I often feel like those poems are my best ones. No type meaning whatsoever, but the feeling it gives me afterward. Like walking naked with no shame!

One luv
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Old 09-08-2006, 01:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quo.
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Old 09-09-2006, 03:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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It had some interesting lines but no real direction. Just didn't know where this whas going. In all actuality, you coould have written three or 4 poems out of this one.

When you have the chance, could you give me some feedback on the topic i posted called Skin on Skin.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THE TOPIC


Peace,
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Old 09-18-2006, 01:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I saw your reply in my poem about similar titles and I'm sorry for posting mine first. :-)

I cant say i understand this so much, but it is very intriguing. THe ideas and images come at the reader in rapid fire and it is hard to keep up. But the imagery is so strong that I wanted to keep reading. It is just too bad I didnt get the message.

On a side note our two threads had the exact same number or views and replies as each other prior to me viewing and replying to yours.

weird.
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Old 09-18-2006, 04:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
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..I Liked It..I Took The Scattery Structure As Something Different. Why Couldn't A Notebook Scattered In A Bunch Of Stuff Save A Life?? Thats How We All Think SOmetimes, All Fucked Up, And If We Wrote What Was In Our Minds Down, And Read It, It'd Probably Sound Like That..lol

inspiration
and this makes no sense
so when the sky falls
the planets will look sophisticated

^^Liked That..



Bless.
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Old 09-18-2006, 11:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Ah, Quotive....The guy who likes Seeeeeeether.


Anyways.......you never got at me. Remember I can't remember your email so you gotta private message me or whatever. Catch up, ya dig?

Anyways, I'm diggin it. The last few I've read from you show a change. I'm sensing a big change with you. Your writing is more abstract (Never thought that would be possible) but yeah man.......it's different, and I like I like!

Bless.
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Old 09-18-2006, 01:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
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someone Died takes it up the butt!
raprockinblacksocks. msn.

i'll hit u up later on today, i'll be online.
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