I need some help on my story telling game. Please help.

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Old 11-26-2005, 02:42 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I need some help on my story telling game. Please help.

Peep this and give me feed back. It's about this man who shoots 6 people and gets arrested for it. Just an extract.

I approached the goat by the throat and toked the smoke and locked,
I couldnt but I shouldnt hit the woodent note,
the police orrested me and molested me and the flower grew from my groin.
I dropped a coin, or was it my loin and found a cloth which was actually a cock.
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Old 11-26-2005, 02:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Malosovich
Peep this and give me feed back. It's about this man who shoots 6 people and gets arrested for it. Just an extract.

I approached the goat by the throat and toked the smoke and locked,
I couldnt but I shouldnt hit the woodent note,
the police orrested me and molested me and the flower grew from my groin.
I dropped a coin, or was it my loin and found a cloth which was actually a cock.
um.. this shit it perfect man.
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Old 11-26-2005, 03:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malosovich
Peep this and give me feed back. It's about this man who shoots 6 people and gets arrested for it. Just an extract.

I approached the goat by the throat and toked the smoke and locked,
I couldnt but I shouldnt hit the woodent note,
the police orrested me and molested me and the flower grew from my groin.
I dropped a coin, or was it my loin and found a cloth which was actually a cock.
naa but honestly... i dont know what the fuck to do about this.
this shits funny as a mufka tho. but what the hell is a woodent note?
and its spelled 'Arrested'
this shit is just outta my league man, im stumped. lol.
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Last edited by Halloween Jack; 11-26-2005 at 03:05 PM.
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
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So that means Im dope already, right?
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!Ratiko Malodic will do you doggie style!
So that means Im dope already, right?
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Old 11-29-2005, 06:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!
naa, not nessisarily...
first, can you break down just what you're actually saying there?
not trying to clown, just not too sure what direction you were going in this joint here...
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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GammoN takes it up the butt!
Good structure, Momma..I'ma let H dot Jack handle this one..
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Old 11-30-2005, 12:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!Halloween Jack will do you doggie style!
actually man, your feedback is welcome.. i dont know what the hell....
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