Help Requested

[Billy Grams]

I am wonder what I could to improve my rhyming. Anything, Multies, Punches Flow, Ect. Check this verse I just worte againts someone named FreeFlowin'MC and tell me what I can do to Improve.

This kid free's softer than sharmin ultra, Hes weak so there I told yah -
I'ma roll over this this kid like a bolda, Free my spits will choke yeh -
Leaving yeh breathless on the ground, before i *click* *clack* spray the pound -
Every punch you throw at me i'll just knock down, i mean this kids confound -
I'ma spray this kid like graffiti, Leavin his brains and my tag on the wall -
Free's never been on the block, He's a pussy locked in his house after all -
Free told me to post up first, he doesn't realize I post up better than O'Neal -
I'ma have to merk this dude early, I'ma PK Merk homie my dudes is unreal -
Im'a Brickwall affiliate, I'll split yeh wig dude, I'm sorry dunny im so rude -
this dude just got humiliated, But as long as bg in town all yall are screwed-

[Halloween Jack]

ok first things first.
get rid of that gotdamned avy.
lmao, naa, just kiddin.
your verse was alright. id give it a 3.5/10
ok. this is how it is...
for multies, you wanna take the last 3 syllables what ever u just said and rhyme it. thats why they're called multies...
"This kid free's softer than sharmin ultra, ill bite ya fuckin hands off then dip ya arms in salsa..."
u see how that spun off?
and dont say shit like "I'ma roll over this this kid like a bolda"
thats played as hell homie... come original... say shit like
"i'ma roll over this kid like over turned strolla's, or roll you inside-out, like a dutch, to make u burn slowa'".

your flow alright too easy to read and a good style for throwing out multi's.
but punchlines? u really need to work on that.
you were battling a kid named "freeflowinMC". wow. thats "you're on your period" punchlines all day long homie...
look for things in a persons profile that you could make fun of. naa mean?
um. damn thats all i can think of for now homie...
but im sure there are other thing...
i'll get back at you when i remember them.
till then. practice homie.
good luck.
out.

[Transcript]

yeah hallow...thats pretty true...

also....when you think of a punchline...try thinkin of one better than the punch you just came up with...its a way of pushing yourself...

and as far as multis...its good and all but don't ever find yourself feeling like it HAS TO BE A MULTI....it could compromise your style/skill...

There are some people who rhyme just to rhyme and others who rhyme and actually say something...

and your verse has alotta filler material...when you use a filler bar...you wanna make that next line shine through...or atleast the next line after it...

but always stay true to your style...

[Ja¢k £an†e®n]

^^speaks the truth..