feedback needed

ominouslilt · 07-07-2005, 03:11 PM

career falls like litter,Bitch 2 Rape's special ed trash/
sandwich gone bitter,Snitch Who Wont Escape's already burnt in a flash/
no camera for the photo finish,no evidence for the eye witness/
whoa LILT slam ya this homo i deminish,crush ya lyrical fitness/
weakness i knit an press,i lit an bless/
you spit wack shit now confess,skills too simple to get with success/
maybe on the streets if ya sit with a dress/
now sumbit legit ill spitz showin ya progress/
attack of retards,back peeled with no regards/
banana pack bombards,stack you bitches like a deck of cards/
spittin simpler skills,like elementry kids
shittin in daipers/
they never admittin are kills gettin shot down by the new dc snipers/
sayin ya bars are ill,steady shittin on are's/
blast ya bakwards through time with skill/
hand ya moms a contraceptive pill,after sex gash her belly wit scars/
cut ya lines,replace ya style with design/

IWordWiseI · 07-09-2005, 04:22 AM

Ayte here's the grit man....
For text it's alright...some things were unclear and seemed a little forced...
For "Flow Effect" in text space your bars.. by bars I mean every "two" lines...
Cause in audio a bar is only "one line"...
If it's for an audio it's a little stretched and wont work..try and stay around the same sylabol
count for each bar manz...other than that ..nice word choice..good shit...keep elivatin

ominouslilt · 07-10-2005, 02:38 AM

only reason its short cause battling inst a top[ic i can spit mad lyrics on an ive been rappin for ten years in nov i know most shit bout rap just i was never a battler dunno why

BeatWiZe · 07-10-2005, 04:41 AM

If you been rapping for 10 years you shuld stop now!...cause obviously you havn't gon anywhere in that time..and your lyrics are SUB-PAR... and by that I mean..below average...

ominouslilt · 07-11-2005, 10:05 PM

^^^^ lmao kid quit ya hatin now thats a battle verse i have only battle umm maybe 3 times in ten years oh by the way if ya aint get it first time get it now QUIT YA HATIN

CompassSaviour · 07-12-2005, 12:40 AM

Sorry dude, not to sound like a prick, but you couldn't be rapping for 10 years and shit something like that. I don't care if you haven't written a battle verse before, it doesn't flow and the content bounces way too quickly. You didn't even spit one liners throught this thing, they were all halfliners at most.

Quote:

no camera for the photo finish,no evidence for the eye witness/
whoa LILT slam ya this homo i deminish,crush ya lyrical fitness/
weakness i knit an press,i lit an bless/
you spit wack shit now confess,skills too simple to get with success/

Sure it rhymes, but the disses are weak and all over the place, there's nothing at all to glue this together. The first line seems like it's seting up for a punch, but your diss has nothing to do with what appears to be your setup.

Try spending more than half a line to a line on a specific subject.

DawnOfaDynasty · 08-27-2005, 01:08 AM

it's a lil better than aight, I didn't understand some of it though, I'll give it a 7.5 or maybe an 8...

Halloween Jack · 11-15-2005, 12:51 PM

we all have some room for improvement so stop hating.
that verse was ok, but u need to work on some things
1st one's ya rhyme scheme
2nd one's ya content, its hard to follow what the fuck u be talkin bout bro..
stick around the dojo man, u'll learn some things. promise.
out.

07-07-2005, 03:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
ominouslilt mindless cannibal Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: va Posts: 45	feedback needed career falls like litter,Bitch 2 Rape's special ed trash/ sandwich gone bitter,Snitch Who Wont Escape's already burnt in a flash/ no camera for the photo finish,no evidence for the eye witness/ whoa LILT slam ya this homo i deminish,crush ya lyrical fitness/ weakness i knit an press,i lit an bless/ you spit wack shit now confess,skills too simple to get with success/ maybe on the streets if ya sit with a dress/ now sumbit legit ill spitz showin ya progress/ attack of retards,back peeled with no regards/ banana pack bombards,stack you bitches like a deck of cards/ spittin simpler skills,like elementry kids shittin in daipers/ they never admittin are kills gettin shot down by the new dc snipers/ sayin ya bars are ill,steady shittin on are's/ blast ya bakwards through time with skill/ hand ya moms a contraceptive pill,after sex gash her belly wit scars/ cut ya lines,replace ya style with design/ __________________ As i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i fear no evil FOR I AM THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE VALLEY you wanna step heres a fuckin porch an walk lemme walk a mile in ya shoes you best come lookin cause you aint getitn them back hahahaha Last edited by ominouslilt; 07-07-2005 at 03:13 PM.

07-10-2005, 02:38 AM	#3 (permalink)
ominouslilt mindless cannibal Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: va Posts: 45	only reason its short cause battling inst a top[ic i can spit mad lyrics on an ive been rappin for ten years in nov i know most shit bout rap just i was never a battler dunno why __________________ As i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i fear no evil FOR I AM THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE VALLEY you wanna step heres a fuckin porch an walk lemme walk a mile in ya shoes you best come lookin cause you aint getitn them back hahahaha

07-11-2005, 10:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
ominouslilt mindless cannibal Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: va Posts: 45	^^^^ lmao kid quit ya hatin now thats a battle verse i have only battle umm maybe 3 times in ten years oh by the way if ya aint get it first time get it now QUIT YA HATIN __________________ As i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i fear no evil FOR I AM THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE VALLEY you wanna step heres a fuckin porch an walk lemme walk a mile in ya shoes you best come lookin cause you aint getitn them back hahahaha

08-27-2005, 01:08 AM	#7 (permalink)
DawnOfaDynasty Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: The Midwest... Indiana Bytch!!! Posts: 381	it's a lil better than aight, I didn't understand some of it though, I'll give it a 7.5 or maybe an 8... __________________ Cash is the topic, the object, a fatter pocket, Some take the crack and chop it, but those that haven't got it, take away the added profit, it's catastrophic, I take the gat and cock it, and I'll sit back and watch it>>>Rakim<<< Dynasty E.N.T. "Dawn Of A Dynasty..."

11-15-2005, 12:51 PM	#8 (permalink)
Halloween Jack Heavens Demon Join Date: May 2001 Location: a place called Shadows Fall... that small town in the back of beyond where legends go to die when the world stops believing in them... and nightmares go to wait till they're called again... Posts: 7,310	we all have some room for improvement so stop hating. that verse was ok, but u need to work on some things 1st one's ya rhyme scheme 2nd one's ya content, its hard to follow what the fuck u be talkin bout bro.. stick around the dojo man, u'll learn some things. promise. out. __________________ Sig 8 lines maximum including spaces

07-09-2005, 04:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
IWordWiseI Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 22	Ayte here's the grit man.... For text it's alright...some things were unclear and seemed a little forced... For "Flow Effect" in text space your bars.. by bars I mean every "two" lines... Cause in audio a bar is only "one line"... If it's for an audio it's a little stretched and wont work..try and stay around the same sylabol count for each bar manz...other than that ..nice word choice..good shit...keep elivatin

07-10-2005, 04:41 AM	#4 (permalink)
BeatWiZe www.BeatWize.com Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 70	If you been rapping for 10 years you shuld stop now!...cause obviously you havn't gon anywhere in that time..and your lyrics are SUB-PAR... and by that I mean..below average...

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