Criticism for this..?

[Ra Ill]

im subsided in the good bad area, alot of funny hesteria,
but cops patrol and roll through this predomently barrier..
whats scarrier? knowin you cant leave or just bein bound,
i came down, the way i found was good, hear the sound..
had a victory and a loss, taking off the moss, at a cost,
rhyme when emotions kick in the door like whos the boss..
path that was never there, so i guess im never scared,
i shed blood for my fam so its like shower weather..
but i'll get better, just takes time when i hate being yelled,
at big bro made me punch a hole in the wall seeing hell..
with a glimpse, sixth sense is condensed & rinsed man,
dont wanna be like shady, so why the damn aftermath plan..
how can i? or can i however see the true life of actually,
getting married again, i play to win try fightin the mortality..
in this galaxy im another blackhole, suckin in the anger,
defeat the purpose of living, its no fun hatin ya selfs danger..
i can only help my self plus the courts, or may i use force,
im sometimes rude of course, center of attention, the source..
i'll be a dareing foe or civilized, is it wise to go get my kid,
in barstow today? another could be waiting next to hit..
me in so many ways, but i gather that if i get beat its my,
advantage i wont fight back her lover the significant other by..
my law i can get my kids, dont want them to forget who i,
they crazy daddy is, i just want to be laughing with kailani & kai..
why cry as long as i know they alive, thrive to be in there presence,
its the essence you see in my heart shaped like a axe's cresents..
what do you expect a father to do, lie down and die out,
even though she lies doubts and whines about my applied shout..
i'll just keep coming for my kids money you cant have cuz u,
dont spend it right we was together u played games through..
my own mind, bank account overdrawn the down fall of checks,
bounced and the amount was costly, cried so i balled in sets..
whats next is you wanted me to hit you, i dont get u,
the kinda person you wanted me to be just doesnt fit you..
i couldnt take two or more hits to the mind, u like me mad,
even when i was sad, u made me out to be a bad dad..
now i see it for what i was, good to you and my kids,
man i know the situation was crazy but you never cared about me,
you proudly shown it with ya actions with the other Andre see..
pregnant with my son and you was headed that one way,
you go and tell my mom that you dont want me ever seein my son,
or daughter, dont do it cuz when they get older they'll see you as the bad one..
hey son take care of ya lil sister, i miss her, even though ya mom,
is being all one sided about me seeing yall she still ya mom..
so if you dont like the way things turn out be proud and loud,
cuz i promise one day or soon i will shroud ya crown..
dont be down, you can always talk speak ya mind over the phone,
gone for the moment, yall parts of me the only components known..
but remember son and duaghter i love you and if something happens,
to yall i blame ya mamma for the drama, so i fight back alotta,
tears with the fighting style keystrokes and the way of the comma..

[Crux]

ra.... get out of the dojo u dont belong in here.. lol sup man

[CompassSaviour]

it's decent, I'd give it 6/10..... about half of it is disjointed, meaning one line doesn't really relate to then next, they're just being used because they rhyme....

A lot of it does show promise tho, respect and keep it up.