Can I rap? Willing to take negative & positive criticism.

[DawnOfaDynasty]

I'm gonna post the lyrics to a song I wrote, each day after or so I'll post a new verse (3 in all+chorus=song). I'll post the chorus first. "The Prophet" by Profecy:

(Chorus) "Everything's goin straight to hell, the lambs is singin and the bells is ringin, lust is becomin society's core, media's convincin every young girl to be a whore, lies are now common, truth has died and is long gone, faith has been replaced by sex and science, God's been forsaken for p*ssy and men in white coats with glasses, murder is due to the way of the gun, the end times have begun, it's time to announce the chosen one-the prophet, and evil shall run."

[Orenthal James]

i cant read it
is there anything even there?

[Supaman_EBT]

*dojo toss*

but seriously folks..this should be in the dojo..

[Pent uP]

Originally Posted by DawnOfaDynasty

I'm gonna post the lyrics to a song I wrote, each day after or so I'll post a new verse (3 in all+chorus=song). I'll post the chorus first. "The Prophet" by Profecy:

(Chorus) "Everything's goin straight to hell, the lambs is singin and the bells is ringin, lust is becomin society's core, media's convincin every young girl to be a whore, lies are now common, truth has died and is long gone, faith has been replaced by sex and science, God's been forsaken for p*ssy and men in white coats with glasses, murder is due to the way of the gun, the end times have begun, it's time to announce the chosen one-the prophet, and evil shall run."

for those havin trouble reading

[YUNeverGetCash]

as a first that chorus is too long and boring

[YUNeverGetCash]

However, it is perfect to put into a verse, but you can't have a dull chorus. Everthing you said was real and thats exactly the type of songs that I write and rap about.

[DawnOfaDynasty]

so, shorter chorus, but I got realism down, got it.

[DawnOfaDynasty]

He's the first verse. (I am Republican aight, so don't say nuthin bad about us or Bush, I don't wanna hear bullsh*t from y'all who don't even watch the news, I'm also religious and speak my mind, and don't wanna hear some n*gga doggin my God, aight?).

(Verse 1) "Thou't shall not steal, kill, lie, or squeal, thou't shan't concquer God with a kingdom of illogic real. Assailants takin offense to our country, media hates the president, on his head there's a bounty. Half the nation don't even watch the news-take my word for it-Bush is aight and won't collapse from lies and bullsh*t. Antichrists takin power left and right, shroud us with a veil, bring us to hell and close in for the kill. People so stupid choosin their lust over God, marry someone for sex and dey bod, yet urr'body wonderin why divorce has up-shot. World of gangsters takin lives over stupid stuff, ignore what they say, f*ck their call, refuse to stoop down to their level or to fall, and blow off they bluff. This world is blind, meanwhile evil is lurkin, hidin, and bidin it's time. Everyone deny that we're in denial, Democrats sell their soul for lies, media confuses slutty for style. Take the blindfold off, men and women-we're all selfish, open your eyes and cut the sh*t, we doomed to mistakes of the past, we must change our ways n fast cuz the prophet sez:"
(then the chorus)

[Joe Cool]

buck fush

[DawnOfaDynasty]

If anyone doesn't have anything useful to say... here's verse 2:

(Verse 2) "Now lil girls as old as six be bein raped, thou't sinners shall have thy punishment payed. Influenced young'ns becomin addicted to porn-malnutrition, bag of Cheetos over bananas n corn. Addiction our society has declined, us without faith, demons seize us and we'll be the ones who cry from not seein the error of our ways. Beatin and homicide commited on our chillun, Prophet'll tell God to send fire, and we'll see who truly is more illin. Dastardly deeds bein done by bastardly bastards, fear not my men, judgment shall meet these n*ggas who seek cover in violence. Fire shall rain, the understanding shall bring forth pain. Blood will fill the streets, Satan is with thy hoes who skeet-skeet-what waits for dem is infinite anguish, f*ck for tha pleasure-selfish b*tch! The dealers shall meet thee's keepers, thy maker will decide thy fate n hand em over to tha reaper. Drugs are life corruption, no college degree or job, just mindless high, and a fool's resumption. Homosexuals, thou't conviction's head it shall rear, Abortionists, their atonement will be feared, Killers, when the fire rains, and the land shakes, will still be here, Pedophiles, their time has come, and for that thee may cheer, Lusters, fallin back to their endless cycle, for them, there is no cure, and Non-Believers, there will be hell to pay, thou't will hail mary, but thee shan't see her, neither shall she, just pain and tears, for all, the end is coming and near."
(then the chorus)

[DawnOfaDynasty]

if someone could say good or bad would be nice, but anyway, here's the final verse.

"The end has arrived, now all sinners take cover and hide. What about thee's sex & blasphemy? Thou't sinners flee, after life's spent disobediently; pronouncing sacred words, sex is mere minutes and hell is eternity. The sky shall submit and rain blood, oceans will fill with crimson and flood, the sinners shall remain blind and play tha dunce, die painfully, in fear of the truth, they'll go numb, with understanding they will, fall to their knees, let their remorse flow, kneel, and it's the terrible forseen trials thee shall feel. The clouds will part, war will commence to start, the media will be exposed as a f*ckin lie, Paris Hilton and the other whores best pray they won't die. Bells will ring, lambs shall sing, trumpets shall blow, the sky will brilliantly glow, the Lord will ride in an array of endless light, will thee not walk with me and be forgiven for becomin blighted? Words of Just the Prophet, alter ya'll way of life or thou't be smited, doubt my prophesized insight? Or shall thee confront the face of the Great Demon, face the agonizing 7 years of tribulation, surrender to the traps set by this Devil inherit nation? The rapture's coming, while thy's nation is tumbling, faith is crumbling, youth is dumbing, Hell is present and most are succumbing. Thee pleads for thou to listen, I leave fate to thee, and hope thy is christened, death to the sinners and life to the followers, wait for Hell's advent, Judgment Day is coming, so you wrong doers best repent and do-gooders, pray be patient, your homage shall be fulfilled, your spot in Heaven is reserved, and no worries, free, it will'nt be billed."

[Ashen Horse]

It doesn't look all that bad... you need to split your bars up though so its easier to pick up the flow...

[DawnOfaDynasty]

Thanks, you're like the only person who said a damn thing...^^^

[leon tha lyricist]

this is more of a spoken word peice. they are almost the same just with a few differences...you dont want your raps to be too ultra lyrical....i didnt read your verses, just the "hook"...when youre rappin, remember whose your audience(mostly those in the black urban area an young whites) not sayin that you cant be conscience but youre still entertaining or at least you should be.

[T-RO]

no one wants to listen to rap about religious shit...sorry to break it to you yeah your religion is important to you that is but what about what other people think? if your just rappin for yourself and your own enjoyment keep it that way. but if your tryin to catch people attention no one wants to listen to that.

[Morale]

South bend? Benton Harbor !!!!!!! what you thought?

it ok tho sounds more like talkin then raps work on yo rhyme scheme but your message is informative it could work if it put together an spit better.

[Lyrical Blazer]

Your chorus sounds more like a verse to me. Overall i like the concept that you fitted in the lyrics, talkin about some real life shit. Flow is cool though at some parts i couldnt quite pick it out, mayb cos it was all jumbled together. I like the wordplay, and the use of gospel language and such. Post your track up when its done so you can get some feed.

-1-

[CONSCYOUS]

Originally Posted by DawnOfaDynasty

If anyone doesn't have anything useful to say... here's verse 2:

(Verse 2) "Now lil girls as old as six be bein raped, thou't sinners shall have thy punishment payed. Influenced young'ns becomin addicted to porn-malnutrition, bag of Cheetos over bananas n corn. Addiction our society has declined, us without faith, demons seize us and we'll be the ones who cry from not seein the error of our ways. Beatin and homicide commited on our chillun, Prophet'll tell God to send fire, and we'll see who truly is more illin. Dastardly deeds bein done by bastardly bastards, fear not my men, judgment shall meet these n*ggas who seek cover in violence. Fire shall rain, the understanding shall bring forth pain. Blood will fill the streets, Satan is with thy hoes who skeet-skeet-what waits for dem is infinite anguish, f*ck for tha pleasure-selfish b*tch! The dealers shall meet thee's keepers, thy maker will decide thy fate n hand em over to tha reaper. Drugs are life corruption, no college degree or job, just mindless high, and a fool's resumption. Homosexuals, thou't conviction's head it shall rear, Abortionists, their atonement will be feared, Killers, when the fire rains, and the land shakes, will still be here, Pedophiles, their time has come, and for that thee may cheer, Lusters, fallin back to their endless cycle, for them, there is no cure, and Non-Believers, there will be hell to pay, thou't will hail mary, but thee shan't see her, neither shall she, just pain and tears, for all, the end is coming and near."
(then the chorus)

OK nice lyrics and word play

well now don't get all mad at me im callin it how i see it now .

u may be religous, but im not and like that other cat said nobody wants to hea that shit.

it sounds to me like you think the mainstream media hates bush; but the fact is homie the mainstream(corprate media) loves that ass hole and CHristians do to I gues your an example of one who dous.

so basicaly I dis agree with your whole prospective on the this matter.
but . well if it suits you then keep on wrighting and rappin

but rember hiphop is just that with 9 eliments. its spiritual within its self thats built in with one of the elements allreaddy listen to KRS-ONE the KRISSTYLES LP and the song second or third to last called 9 elements.

and me im not a democrat or a republicon and i've only voted democrat every time cause i had no other way to go. i should not have voted at all cause it did'nt even count.

the werst presidents in history are bush and bush lincoln, ragon and washington(was'nt the first one) [it was a black man and he mite ben a good one but ofcourse u know the obsyctles that were inposible to over come] etc.

[kuine]

Personnally i thought you had a good flow....your chorus was extra long though....im with dude on the spoken word thing...it was a little too poetic you feel me? nice job though. also the religion was too in depth. i use religion in my rymes but i dont use it in almost every bar you feel me?...work on it kid...over all though it was decent...i liked it and wouldnt mind hearin the audio.

[Sha77er S7ar]

Flow was tight, vocab was tight. I think you've got a lot of skills as a lyrics writter.

This particular piece isn't going to be popular to listen to cuz the subject matter is boring for most people. If you spit about something else you should do fine as a rapper.

Or, if the subject matter means a lot to you, then keep spitting what you spit, but you wont be signed to a deal any time soon.