Judge me!...

twistedlyricist · 08-26-2003, 06:59 PM

Malevolent forces,
taking the wrong courses,
pursed for the anger and rage,
what's in this next perpetually blissful stage,
should I engage the temperate self,
look at the books,
knock em off the shelf,
say the fuck with the crooks,
the hooks I'm hanging by,
I will not live another fucking lie,
people don't like my rage,
It alway's take center stage,
I'm like a mage with the rage,
sometimes it comes out of nowhere,
but luckily for me,
the controversy keep's me free.
I just think about the shit they say I can't do,
then I say good day,
I'll do shit my way.
Change the words,
anger like a anti-tank rifle,
taking down the ifle,
the tower,
marijuana is the ultimate power!
...it's also my favourite flower!

Colinito · 08-27-2003, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twistedlyricist

Malevolent forces,
taking the wrong courses,
pursed for the anger and rage,
what's in this next perpetually blissful stage,
should I engage the temperate self,
look at the books,
knock em off the shelf,
say the fuck with the crooks,
the hooks I'm hanging by,
I will not live another fucking lie,
people don't like my rage,
It alway's take center stage,
I'm like a mage with the rage,
sometimes it comes out of nowhere,
but luckily for me,
the controversy keep's me free.
I just think about the shit they say I can't do,
then I say good day,
I'll do shit my way.
Change the words,
anger like a anti-tank rifle,
taking down the ifle,
the tower,
marijuana is the ultimate power!
...it's also my favourite flower!

pretty good. could be stronger with more work. maybe out the "mage with rage" cause I don't know what a mage is and you used rage 2x before that. also the segue into marijuana was jilted. super strong beginning, though. i like the first ten lines a whole lot. rate this? well, strictly speaking for these boards, I'd say 6/10. could be 8/10 with another hour or two of work and some ingenuity.

Rip Ya Face · 08-27-2003, 05:01 PM

Sux

twistedlyricist · 08-28-2003, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colinito

pretty good. could be stronger with more work. maybe out the "mage with rage" cause I don't know what a mage is and you used rage 2x before that. also the segue into marijuana was jilted. super strong beginning, though. i like the first ten lines a whole lot. rate this? well, strictly speaking for these boards, I'd say 6/10. could be 8/10 with another hour or two of work and some ingenuity.

Aight, rate this!

Alway's seeking the unattainable,
never quite sustainable,
life seemin' like a fable,
but I'm still able.
Thought of stranglin' myself with this cable,
puttin' my fists through the table.
I'm completely unstable.
I hate every constable.
My peripheral vision,
this incision in my chin.
The Jin within will alway's win.
He is the lord and master of sin,
alway's infatuated with this godess named Nin.
Brought hope to my life,
thought I won over the strife.
The shit that engulfed me,
the pain and the misery.
But now it's back,
and I am once again,
ready to send those back to state and main.
Every feeble attempt,
endin in their own contempt,
exempt from the loss.
I can feel the anger emboss,
crossing between good and evil,
still ain't gettin a trill,
will never get my fill.
But luckily for me,
I can feel past the insanity.
I can sense hope growin dense,
maybe their is reason for repents.

Rip Ya Face · 08-29-2003, 07:57 AM

^ LOL wack shit

krisp · 08-29-2003, 12:21 PM

^ shut up ...........wack noob

Krys · 08-29-2003, 09:32 PM

good vocab

need better flow...maybe some multies would help u out

meta's?

keep writin

twistedlyricist · 09-05-2003, 02:17 AM

Thanx man, I appreciate advice... but don't ever ask for a chorus to go with it, I only freestyle, I don't like takin' my time to think, just typin' like a mad fuckin' monkey! Ya know what I mean! Go with the flow, it's the only thing I know, not all understand, but if they heard the delivery, I'm sure they'd demand, everyone who's heard it has! Those who haven't heard, can cut it down ta one third, it don't really matter, cause I doubt that I will ever degrade n' shatter!

krysto · 09-05-2003, 04:53 AM

Lol..werd

drop some in new open mic man

twistedlyricist · 09-05-2003, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krysto

Lol..werd

drop some in new open mic man

Already have my man,
quite a few,
not quite a fan,
enjoyin' somethin' new,
constructive criticism here,
destructive stupidity over there!
If you read the part about bein' unattainable.
I was talkin' about my love for Nin, and that which keeps me stable,
keeps me completely alive, n' that which keeps me able to thrive,
alway's on a downhill slide.
Two single dreams,
one bein' suicide and the other being more lovely then the other one seems,
it's like strength buildin' in teams, n' streams of hate screaming mongers can't do nothin' but make me stronger,
my side will win, I have a reason to live, and am the master of sin!
I am Julius J1N!
J1N
Still,
a master of sin,
corruptor of souls, the trigger on societies pistolz.
the weapon it uses as it frequently abuses,
cruises through sanities end, tryin' to claim us as it's friend.
Dependant on ruses and plans and on schemes,
but life is still better then it seems,
I have achieved one of my dreams!
I have found the woman that I want,
more then death itself,
finally,
I can put suicide on the shelf,
where it can collect dust n' rust,
now, n' that I trust!

krysto · 09-05-2003, 05:49 AM

lol..you have to post there man..sorry its the rules

i'll have to close your threads if u dont

but if you wish to post here..be sure to ask for help/advice/ please

twistedlyricist · 09-05-2003, 05:52 AM

Aight man, but what do you think, good shizen, bad shizen?

krysto · 09-05-2003, 06:18 AM

i like it..i think your good enough to move on to bigger an better

Dojo is thought of as the help forum

post in open mic..or u could go audio with some of your rymes an post in audio forums

but good shizen..lol