something more serious, feedback needed

[Makadoshious]

my pen is poison tipped and my mouth is swelling with vinegar
my body is rotting from the exclusively sad position of finisher
Fucked up hand I was dealt in life
im glad, cuz someone is always livin more trife
I have issues, not personal ones per se
with those who perpetrate my life and try to take it away
I watch those around me, i suggest that you do the same
I want to say I was about my shit the day when the grim reaper came
but thats the future im lookin at, A picture not to be taken aback from
if I die young, then thats the outcome
im not morbid, this life is sordid
You an bet I wont have no regrets postmortem
I dont want an early death but Ive toyed with the thought
of a bullett slamming through my skull like a chrome juggernaut
what some have thought than popped then bodies drop than corpses rott the
mourners tears absorbing at the flowers and dirt of the grave spot

not that great, but tell me what you liked

[krysto]

feedback needed,

A more twiztid approach i thought..some intresting content..u need to work on your flow.

not what im used to but it was decent
6/10

[n-thrawl]

...

[Moqtada_Al_Sadr]

ws weak

[fikti0n]

elevate