Why can't you guys be alone

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Old 08-14-2006, 12:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Why can't you guys be alone
this is for the girls

My ex and the ex before, and many girls that I know can't be without a man

I mean, sometimes you need some time off, find yourself, see what you wanna do in life, but no, most women can't do shit alone? insecure?

what it is?

I've been single since October last year and it really helped me to get some things straight with my self, I feel like I'm recognizing the mistakes that I did during the last realtionship, I am more mature, I saved a bunch of money, no more drama..I am just not ready to begin a new relationship, and I still get mine...

Why can't you guys do it?

what it is?
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Old 08-14-2006, 12:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It is true.

Now for myself, I can't say I'm that way. I've been with my man since I was 15 (now about to turn 25 lol). But my sister is this way. She has been with I think 5 guys in the last 12yrs but never single lol ;o) She says she also can't be alone. THe thought of being alone scares her.
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Old 08-14-2006, 12:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Nanijah
It is true.

Now for myself, I can't say I'm that way. I've been with my man since I was 15 (now about to turn 25 lol). But my sister is this way. She has been with I think 5 guys in the last 12yrs but never single lol ;o) She says she also can't be alone. THe thought of being alone scares her.
is it financially? or is it more the cudling and talking crap?

I know some girls can't afford to go out and be taken care of, again this is financially...so they go for the guy with money, basically they wanna be kept busy...
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Old 08-14-2006, 01:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You know, this is a really interesting thead b/c I've been thinking about it and I can't really relate to this personally...I only had 2 boyfriends really and the first one basically I just used him for money.. and the second, the one Im still with Ive been with FOREVER.. I know when I was single aloooooooooooooooong ass time ago I wanted to have someone there to share everything with.. Some of the people who frequent this forum will know that I have always said I had trust issues and problems expressing my feelings to friends and family but NEVER with my boyfriend or kids.. Fear always stopped me from potential relationships..

I think woman are more emotional in general and are somewhat programmed to find a mate and get married ect.. Maybe some girls just feel the need for constant attention?
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Old 08-14-2006, 03:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amel Prodjuser
is it financially? or is it more the cudling and talking crap?

I know some girls can't afford to go out and be taken care of, again this is financially...so they go for the guy with money, basically they wanna be kept busy...
She needed it emotionally. She was never financially stable and still isn't. However she's now married. Going on 2yrs in the winter. But before that, she could NEVER stand being alone. That's living, or being without someone. She had to always have a guy. Even if he treated her like crap. As long as she had that security. I dunno what it was? But that's how she was.
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Old 08-15-2006, 01:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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i think its a security thing... alot of girls i've met have abandonment issues... they want someone who can fill the boyfriend role, father role, friend role, and still be sane enough carry out his daily routine of bringing home the bacon while constantly being bombarded by phonecalls asking his whereabouts and activities.

and if he fails to meet these standards...


its off to plan b... then c... and um, you can guess where i'm going with this...
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Old 08-15-2006, 10:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Well, I have been alone for a while. True, I have had friends off and on...but well...I haven't had a serious boyfriend since O4. The rest of the guys I talked to were short lived and short desired.

Not being able to be alone is all bout insecurity and not being able to validate your self worth without a male companion!

In a nutshell...
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Old 08-15-2006, 03:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Lack of confidence? Self-esteem? Outward validation? Or inward, for that matter..
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Old 08-16-2006, 12:57 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanijah
It is true.

Now for myself, I can't say I'm that way. I've been with my man since I was 15 (now about to turn 25 lol). But my sister is this way. She has been with I think 5 guys in the last 12yrs but never single lol ;o) She says she also can't be alone. THe thought of being alone scares her.
Hmmm ... just wondering, how would you consider yourself "not that way" if you've always been with a man since age 15? Unless you guys took a break at some time, and you feel that you were fine during that break (I'm talking like a break of a year or something), it would seem to me that you fit in the same category.

I'm not saying you should put a hold on happiness just so you don't look needy, I'm just saying you don't exactly fit in the category of someone who goes about life just fine without a man. LOL
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Old 08-16-2006, 01:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Well, what I meant is. I've never had to go single and have that feeling of NEEDING a man, ya know?

I've been with the same Man for 9yrs now. Sure he's become a part of my everyday life. But in all honesty, I think I could do well by myself as well. I don't feel "needy" towards him. So I don't consider myself as a girl that's just with a man to feel secure. :o)
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Old 08-16-2006, 01:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Short²°°³
You know, this is a really interesting thead b/c I've been thinking about it and I can't really relate to this personally...I only had 2 boyfriends really and the first one basically I just used him for money.. and the second, the one Im still with Ive been with FOREVER.. I know when I was single aloooooooooooooooong ass time ago I wanted to have someone there to share everything with.. Some of the people who frequent this forum will know that I have always said I had trust issues and problems expressing my feelings to friends and family but NEVER with my boyfriend or kids.. Fear always stopped me from potential relationships..

I think woman are more emotional in general and are somewhat programmed to find a mate and get married ect.. Maybe some girls just feel the need for constant attention?
So even when you were single, you wanted a man to be around. Not necessarily so you could let him run your life or anything like that, but you still wanted a man to be around. That ... would put you mentally in about the same place as these others that you can't relate to, wouldn't it? I mean, whatever problems you had put aside, you still felt the need to be in a relationship ...
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Old 08-16-2006, 01:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Nanijah
Well, what I meant is. I've never had to go single and have that feeling of NEEDING a man, ya know?

I've been with the same Man for 9yrs now. Sure he's become a part of my everyday life. But in all honesty, I think I could do well by myself as well. I don't feel "needy" towards him. So I don't consider myself as a girl that's just with a man to feel secure. :o)
I don't see any reason why you couldn't do bad all by yourself.

But then again, I feel that way about a lot of girls out there, and yet so many of them are skipping around from man to man, in back-to-back relationships. Even the ones who say they could do just fine by themselves.

It's not weird to me to want a relationship. I just don't enjoy people boasting about something when it's not the real deal, and denying the truth even to themselves. Not saying you, just saying lots of people do this.
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Old 08-16-2006, 01:13 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My marriage is the real deal. I'm not in it because I feel I need to be in it. I'm in it because I'm in love and attracted emotionally and physically to him. Not becuase I feel I need him.

But you may be right. I might be a needy girl if I were single. I have no idea. I of course would love a relationship if I were single. But at the same time I wouldn't go out looking for one to fill a void I might have of wanting one.
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Old 08-16-2006, 03:48 AM   #14 (permalink)
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So even when you were single, you wanted a man to be around. Not necessarily so you could let him run your life or anything like that, but you still wanted a man to be around. That ... would put you mentally in about the same place as these others that you can't relate to, wouldn't it? I mean, whatever problems you had put aside, you still felt the need to be in a relationship ...
Mentally, yes, but I didn't want it THAT bad to go around dating whoever just b/c I didnt want to be alone.. So I can relate to wanting it, but not acting on it.. It was sort of like I was waiting on someone special and then put all my eggs in one basket I guess..
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Old 08-16-2006, 05:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
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i think i can relate to this. There have been times when i was w/o a boyfriend, but i was hardly ever alone. I love interaction between people. I'm a people person...not with just males. I've always had a bunch of friends; whenever I do something, there's a group of people. You know how someone can go to the movies alone, or out to eat alone...i'm not one of those kinds of people. and at the times when I didn't have a boyfriend, I was usually talking to someone or people.

now when it comes to males in particular (outside of the friendship realm) they make me feel better. everyone wants to feel appreciated or wanted. I get something emotionally by having males around me that are attracted to me. I don't mind not having a boyfriend. but I need that emotional supplement when i dont.
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Old 08-19-2006, 01:18 AM   #16 (permalink)
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word, basicaly insecurity with not having that support, and with being single

the problem is that those women need it so much, that theyll allow themselves to be taken advantage of.. when they really dont have to put up with that
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Old 08-23-2006, 01:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amel Prodjuser
Why can't you guys do it?

what it is?


dawg because when they do that all of us call em hoes because they just want the dick and the relationship stuff. lol what you know im admitting us dudes have double standards. haha.
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Old 08-23-2006, 02:47 AM   #18 (permalink)
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