Question about intimacy

This is a discussion on Question about intimacy within the Ladies Delight forums, part of the Sand Box category; I want the board's opinion both male and female on whether or not you view being emotionally intimate with more ...


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Old 04-28-2005, 11:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question about intimacy
I want the board's opinion both male and female on whether or not you view being emotionally intimate with more than one person if you are in a relationship as being wrong? This has nothing to do with physical intimacy but if you're in a relationship do you think its wrong to be emotionally intimate with another male if you are in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female, and vice versa for the fellas? Would you have a problem if your partner was emotionally intimate with another person if they were transparent about everything that was going on?

The reason I ask this is because of a situation in my own life where I am close with a girl who has a boyfriend. I know the guy that she is involved with and I'm not sure how I feel about us being close. If I didn't know the guy I wouldn't care, but this situation challenged me to contemplate whether or not emotional intimacy with someone in a relationship is wrong? I don't really want an answer about my situation, I'm more interested in everyone discussing the topic in general. Hopefully we can engage in good dialogue.
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Old 04-30-2005, 02:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It's wrong anyway, it's straight trifilin' if you know the dude. It does take two to tango though. I feel bad for that guy.
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Old 04-30-2005, 11:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yes its wrong. and I think it hurts more than a so called " physical betrayal".. because the emotional connection you have with your partner is what makes the difference between a friendship and a relationship..
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Old 05-01-2005, 06:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN
Yes its wrong. and I think it hurts more than a so called " physical betrayal".. because the emotional connection you have with your partner is what makes the difference between a friendship and a relationship..

Totally agree. To me emotional intimacy is closer than physical intimacy to some degree. Relationships are emotional intimacy, not just physical. You can find someone with you connect w/ sexually 7 outtta 10 times, but I feel emotionally is different.

I feel it's different in a girl friend/ girl friend relationship. As a woman, I feel you express things to your female friends much differently than you would another man. For me to be that emotionally open to another man it would have to mean that there was a breakdown of some sourt in my relationship with my man.
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Old 05-01-2005, 08:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
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but how is it wrong if emotional and/loving attatchments are to a degree out of our control? are people expected to avoid circumstances where they may become emotionally attatched? Clearly it cannot be just a case of not acting upon these feelings when the feelings themselves are seen as the offence. Perhaps it is unrealistic to ask that a person has no other emotional attatchments, maybe even selfish.
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
but how is it wrong if emotional and/loving attatchments are to a degree out of our control? are people expected to avoid circumstances where they may become emotionally attatched? Clearly it cannot be just a case of not acting upon these feelings when the feelings themselves are seen as the offence. Perhaps it is unrealistic to ask that a person has no other emotional attatchments, maybe even selfish.
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Old 05-01-2005, 03:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
but how is it wrong if emotional and/loving attatchments are to a degree out of our control?
But they're not out of our control... emotional management is real. Availablity can be controlled. It takes wisdom. We're not animals.

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are people expected to avoid circumstances where they may become emotionally attatched?
If it presents a hazard to your relationship, then yes!!

Emotional intimacy with another person is really the only true form of cheating to me... I can understand the physical aspect as well... but I've always believed that if no feelings are involved, then it's not actually "cheating."

Quote:
Clearly it cannot be just a case of not acting upon these feelings when the feelings themselves are seen as the offence.
Everything begins in the mind. The more you think about something, the more you're apt to act on that thought.

Another danger of emotional intimacy with another person is that you start comparing your partner against that other person and judging him/her based on that other person's perceived higher standard.

I would much rather hear my wife tell me, "I fucked Steve" rather than hear her say, "Well, Steve listens to me and understands my needs better."
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Old 05-01-2005, 04:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Ignorant
But they're not out of our control... emotional management is real. Availablity can be controlled. It takes wisdom. We're not animals.."
If you limit your emotional availabilty then in a sense the emotion is being controlled, but that is not the same as getting rid of it completely or controlling who we fall in love with. It is not about having the wisdom that animals do not posess, but rather being realistic about the ties we develop with people that do not happen to be our significant others. I was stating that maybe it is unrealistic and selfish to expect a person to have one emotional connection with someone, perhaps it asks unrealistic expectations of people and is simply down to being possesive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ignorant
If it presents a hazard to your relationship, then yes!!

Emotional intimacy with another person is really the only true form of cheating to me... I can understand the physical aspect as well... but I've always believed that if no feelings are involved, then it's not actually "cheating.".."
perhaps it is cheating, but who is to blame? The person or the feelings of connection which the other person evoked in them? Are we to lock ourselves away from people we may connect with? are we to not have any other emotionally intimate companions at all?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ignorant
Everything begins in the mind. The more you think about something, the more you're apt to act on that thought.

Another danger of emotional intimacy with another person is that you start comparing your partner against that other person and judging him/her based on that other person's perceived higher standard.
Well, who is to say that a wife comparing her friend and her husband is a bad thing in all circumstances? She may realise that infact steve treats her how she should be treated, and without meeting Steve she would never have been able to realise this.
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Old 05-01-2005, 05:06 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
If you limit your emotional availabilty then in a sense the emotion is being controlled, but that is not the same as getting rid of it completely or controlling who we fall in love with. It is not about having the wisdom that animals do not posess, but rather being realistic about the ties we develop with people that do not happen to be our significant others. I was stating that maybe it is unrealistic and selfish to expect a person to have one emotional connection with someone, perhaps it asks unrealistic expectations of people and is simply down to being possesive.
Its not about having an emotional connection with just one person of the opposite sex, its about not having the exact same degree of emotional connection with people of the opposite sex when you have a significant other. You can have emotional connections with as many people as you want, but there shouldn't be two women that you are connected with on the higher level that you would be with a significant other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
perhaps it is cheating, but who is to blame? The person or the feelings of connection which the other person evoked in them? Are we to lock ourselves away from people we may connect with? are we to not have any other emotionally intimate companions at all?
To blame feelings is to say that we have no control over our actions because our feelings take control, completely untrue.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
Well, who is to say that a wife comparing her friend and her husband is a bad thing in all circumstances? She may realise that infact steve treats her how she should be treated, and without meeting Steve she would never have been able to realise this.
It wouldn't entirely be a bad thing, however I don't really consider that to be on the emotional level that I'm thinking about.
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Old 05-01-2005, 05:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN
Its not about having an emotional connection with just one person of the opposite sex, its about not having the exact same degree of emotional connection with people of the opposite sex when you have a significant other. You can have emotional connections with as many people as you want, but there shouldn't be two women that you are connected with on the higher level that you would be with a significant other
Well I think mainly it is about having an emotional attatchment with a person of the opposite sex and possesivness of their attention, because people cannot clearly define these boundaries of acceptable emotional availability, only that a person should not tread on the 'higher' levels which you both share. All I am saying is how can you be so quick to call another emotional attatchment wrong when you are someone that has fallen in love without much say in the matter, I assume?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN
To blame feelings is to say that we have no control over our actions because our feelings take control, completely untrue.
Just like it is untrue to assume that I meant that people have no control over all of their actions because of their feelings, when really I meant to emphasise the truth that people do not choose who they fall in love with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN
It wouldn't entirely be a bad thing, however I don't really consider that to be on the emotional level that I'm thinking about.
how is it different? if people were unable to look around and see other emotional attatchments and how people treat eachother then they wouldnt be able to form an opinion of what they expect in terms of emotional availabilty in a partner.
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Old 05-01-2005, 09:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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andre was married to reese and they had a great physical relationship, but andre always had a strong emotional connection with sidney, and sidney returned that connection. that connection ended up tearing reese and andre apart becuase andre was in love with sidney and sidney was in love wit him.

...anyway, my point is, emotional intimacy is much more stonger than physical intimacy
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Old 05-01-2005, 10:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I don't think it's about right or wrong - you can't help who you're emotionally compatible with. If you further entertain that emotional relationship where it enters the weird zone - then there's gonna be some hurt feelings somewhere.
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