Thoughts on this statement

This is a discussion on Thoughts on this statement within the Ladies Delight forums, part of the Sand Box category; What do you say to women who believe that women just can't be friends or trust each other? [Cree Summer: ...


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Old 04-20-2005, 12:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Thoughts on this statement
What do you say to women who believe that women just can't be friends or trust each other?

[Cree Summer: I think it's another brainwash, another hangover from history. Like men don't cry, or men make bad cooks, or women aren't good fighters or whatever. We've all got these notions that have been implanted into us by religion, race, class, and one of the fucked up pieces of propaganda is that women don't like each other. And I think that was a very wise poison to implant into us, because when women get together there's such a deep powerful support and self acceptance when you're loved by other women.]
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Old 04-20-2005, 07:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Thats Bullshit..

Anyone Is Capable Of Hurting, Stealing, Cheating.. Backstabbing, Being Two Faced.. Or Whatever U Want To Call It...

Ladies Say That Simply Beacuse They're Either Jealous.. Or When They Do Have Women Friends.. They Feel Like Its A Competition Rather Then A Friendship..

Gone
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Old 04-20-2005, 08:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I've pondered on this b4. I have met quite a few women who claim that they dont get along with other women and prefer to hang out with guys in general. (ofcourse this links back to the other thread about boys being easier than girls as children) sure there is a link here somewhere. You even get examples of this in music, for example that lady from city high said in one of her songs 'I dont hang around with ladies cus they talk to much'. Maybe though it simply comes down to competition, but there definetely seems to be a theme suggesting that women tend to be bitchy towards eachother and this is often used to get closer to men. This I believe empowers men at a womans expense, because these women make their enemies themselves and then let men save them from this enemy. Women need to break free from it I believe.
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Old 04-20-2005, 08:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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My thoughts fall in line with Cree's... I think it's a self-perpetuating notion that we internalize without even realizing it... we hear that women don't get along so whenever we encounter a bad situation with another woman we ascribe it to women just not being able to get along... when, in fact, I'm sure most of us have met just as many, if not more, men that we couldn't trust or get along with... I see that competition factor, too... women don't necessarily view men as a threat because they aren't competing with them for mates or attention.
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Old 04-21-2005, 04:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Another thing I noticed....is that women..although they'll say this in front of other women...they are usually saying it to men.

Why?

I think it's b/c they think it makes them look more attractive to men in some odd twisted way.

If I was the guy I would be thinking, okay what is wrong with this chick that she can't get along with other females?

Now, more than ever...maybe it has always been this way..but it just seems like at this point in time especially...that women are trained so easily that other females will hurt you...they're in competition with you, ect ect.

It's a shame that women miss out on the love and support having a close deep network of other women can be.
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Old 04-21-2005, 06:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by skandelous_lala
Another thing I noticed....is that women..although they'll say this in front of other women...they are usually saying it to men.

Why?

I think it's b/c they think it makes them look more attractive to men in some odd twisted way
I agree wholeheartedly... I was thinking the exact same thing when I wrote my response above. I always think the same thing when I hear women calling other women out about different behaviors that men frown upon, especially when they do it in the presence of men... I think it has a lot to do with them vying for male attention/acceptance... they want to seem special or "different" from other girls... like "look at me... I'm not catty/a slut/(or whatever other trait it might be)... I'm one of the 'cool' ones"... anything to disassociate themselves from characteristics that men might look at as negative in women.
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Old 04-21-2005, 07:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by tight-eyes
"look at me... I'm not catty/a slut/(or whatever other trait it might be)... I'm one of the 'cool' ones"... anything to disassociate themselves from characteristics that men might look at as negative in women.
lol no lie I've done that...can't even lie...

I've been making a solid effort to be more open to women (people in general, but most specifically the women at my job and others that I interact with more often than not) and it has been hard. I know everyone isn't meant to be best of friends, but it's just mindblowing to me how the women at my job will smile at one another and talk about giving each other wedding showers, baby showers and then be like "She's so cheap - I shouldn't buy her baby a damn thing" ...that switch - the two faces...it's crazy. There isn't anyone I don't get along with - I just try to seperate myself from all that personal stuff.

I'm also in a women's organization - it's sort of different...we don't talk behind each other's backs - we put everything on front street for everyone to see...it just gets crazy because we're supposed to be building one another up and supporting one another, but whenever someone "falls short of the glory" everyone pounces on her for her mistakes and rubs it all in her face.

It seems like a lot of the women I know have chips on their shoulders about something ...it's sort of like...misery loves company. We never want to believe that someone is better than us so we break each other down to make sure we're on the same level.

The question and answer in the first post came from an article/interview with Cree Summer and Lisa Bonet (Liloquoi Moon). They were discussing their relationships as friends and the importance of their sisterhood. There was a discussion about the article and everyone's main concern was, "Are they lesbians???" and "Did they BOTH sleep with Lenny?" Regardless of whether they did or not - why do two women who are good friends have to be lesbians? Why can't they just be good friends? People gasp when they're affectionate with one another - is there really anything wrong with being affectionate with your best friend?

I dunno...this article just had me thinking about a lot of things.
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Old 04-21-2005, 11:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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personally...i thought after reading her answer that she was an extremist feminist...err feminist extremeist? a hardcore feminist...thats what i thought...

but yea i know what yall sayin...ive seen that shit happen...like they smile and chit chat with whomever lady it is...lady leaves...and that smile goes away and shes like, fuckin trick ass slut...or some kind of disrespectful statement...that boggles the hell out of me... a prime example...that skit off in living color...the wayans sister...i forgot what her name was...but the one whered she smile and wave at everyone in the neighborhood...then right after they were gone...joke on em like she been beefin with them for years n shit? women are crazy man...i'll never understand
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Old 04-22-2005, 04:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sagacious infant

I've been making a solid effort to be more open to women (people in general, but most specifically the women at my job and others that I interact with more often than not) and it has been hard. I know everyone isn't meant to be best of friends, but it's just mindblowing to me how the women at my job will smile at one another and talk about giving each other wedding showers, baby showers and then be like "She's so cheap - I shouldn't buy her baby a damn thing" ...that switch - the two faces...it's crazy.

God..I hate that.

It's like what the hell is wrong with you?!

That is why it is so hard to trust other women. Cuz they smile in your face and then call you something else behind your back.
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Old 04-22-2005, 06:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Meh.. if i like you i like you, man, women, whatever ive got male and female friends ive never thought about this thou, i cant say i get along with either more than the other i dunno and as for that two faced shit that really pisses me off and when u kinda know when ure talking to a chick its there u get that feeling everything u say is gonna be twisted up shit pisses me off!
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Old 04-22-2005, 08:29 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetickz
personally...i thought after reading her answer that she was an extremist feminist...err feminist extremeist? a hardcore feminist...thats what i thought...

but yea i know what yall sayin...ive seen that shit happen...like they smile and chit chat with whomever lady it is...lady leaves...and that smile goes away and shes like, fuckin trick ass slut...or some kind of disrespectful statement...that boggles the hell out of me... a prime example...that skit off in living color...the wayans sister...i forgot what her name was...but the one whered she smile and wave at everyone in the neighborhood...then right after they were gone...joke on em like she been beefin with them for years n shit? women are crazy man...i'll never understand
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I think you mean 'radical feminist' as their main emphasis is blaming the men and the system which they perpetuate: Patriarchy.
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Old 04-22-2005, 08:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
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That's interesting...I didn't get feminist from that.

Lesbians...feminists...hmm...
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Old 04-22-2005, 10:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sagacious infant
That's interesting...I didn't get feminist from that.

Lesbians...feminists...hmm...
Really, I did. She implicitly ascribes the perception of an inherent conflict in women-women relations to male dominance.
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Old 04-22-2005, 03:22 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by brit boi gee
I think you mean 'radical feminist' as their main emphasis is blaming the men and the system which they perpetuate: Patriarchy.
ty i stand corrected
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Old 04-22-2005, 05:51 PM   #15 (permalink)
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"We've all got these notions that have been implanted into us by religion, race, class, and one of the fucked up pieces of propaganda is that women don't like each other. "

I still don't see it...
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Old 04-22-2005, 09:06 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sagacious infant
lol no lie I've done that...can't even lie...
me, too... still do sometimes... I'm human. but I've made a serious effort to stop... whenever I catch myself doing it, I try to correct myself... a sort of reprogramming.

Quote:
It seems like a lot of the women I know have chips on their shoulders about something ...it's sort of like...misery loves company. We never want to believe that someone is better than us so we break each other down to make sure we're on the same level.
I remember watching this episode of ANTM (America's Next Top Model) where Tyra was talking to the girls about how things can get catty, especially where there is competition involved... she brought up a point about how even really confident women like herself can fall into it... how she sometimes catches herself hating on other women, but she stops herself and calls the behavior out for what it is, her own insecurities. I wish more women thought like that.

Quote:
The question and answer in the first post came from an article/interview with Cree Summer and Lisa Bonet (Liloquoi Moon). They were discussing their relationships as friends and the importance of their sisterhood. There was a discussion about the article and everyone's main concern was, "Are they lesbians???" and "Did they BOTH sleep with Lenny?" Regardless of whether they did or not - why do two women who are good friends have to be lesbians? Why can't they just be good friends? People gasp when they're affectionate with one another - is there really anything wrong with being affectionate with your best friend?
I can identify with that... my best friend from high school and I are affectionate with eachother... my sister always used to say we were gay... lol.
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Old 04-22-2005, 09:09 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
I've pondered on this b4. I have met quite a few women who claim that they dont get along with other women and prefer to hang out with guys in general. (ofcourse this links back to the other thread about boys being easier than girls as children) sure there is a link here somewhere. You even get examples of this in music, for example that lady from city high said in one of her songs 'I dont hang around with ladies cus they talk to much'. Maybe though it simply comes down to competition, but there definetely seems to be a theme suggesting that women tend to be bitchy towards eachother and this is often used to get closer to men. This I believe empowers men at a womans expense, because these women make their enemies themselves and then let men save them from this enemy. Women need to break free from it I believe.
I didn't see this reply before just now... I agree with you completely.
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Old 04-22-2005, 09:20 PM   #18 (permalink)