Topical Pic Tourny: Criticized vs Illweeman

This is a discussion on Topical Pic Tourny: Criticized vs Illweeman within the the Onslaught forums, part of the Written Emcee Area - Text Only category; http://www.•••••••• dot com/thaundadoggs/tournypics.htm ^Pictures Verses due Saturday 20-52 Lines No more, No Less Good Luck...


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Old 07-23-2003, 12:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Topical Pic Tourny: Criticized vs Illweeman

http://www.•••••••• dot com/thaundadoggs/tournypics.htm

^Pictures
Verses due Saturday
20-52 Lines
No more, No Less

Good Luck
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Old 07-23-2003, 01:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Last edited by Π!§-HπρπuR; 07-23-2003 at 01:44 AM.
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Old 07-24-2003, 03:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Criticized
check....damn i gotta battle Weezy...
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Old 07-24-2003, 03:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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aight i got tha ronald pic...
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Old 07-24-2003, 09:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I did tha ronald one...
BREAKIN NEWS:
It seems that today is a sad day for McDonalds
in tha midst of tha mornin fog police found Ronald
Hangin by tha throat over a moat off an old Oak
Police quote
"We're still unsure if it was a sick joke
or suicide...Clowns these days are turnin blue inside
Tha dollar menu must not be enough to provide
now people can buy a meal cheaper plus somethin tha value lacks
i could get a double cheese, fries, and cookies for 3 bucks plus tax"

thanx officer, but he looks happy, as if his mood wasn't tainted
"Nah, he's a clown and just an object, tha only moods they show are painted"
why do you think he killed himself and what'd put him in that slump too?
"well...Id have killed myself too if i had to wear a yellow jumpsuit
and those shoes would've sent me over tha egde, same thing with tha wig
i'd neva want an orange fro, and a pair of red shoes six sizes too big"

I undastand you reasonin, but he was a pop-culture icon
now what will they call McDonalds when Ronald McDonald's gone
we'll neva agian see a smile from tha mascot of an unsurpassed wit
unless you see tha one painted on his face in tha open casket
for more details on this fatal tragedy, tune in at ten
Tha peoples news comes first, here on news channel seven


short but sweet......i had to hurry on this one...goin on vacation tomorrow....be back on sat. or sun.........gotta go to sleep....wakin up early tomorrow......
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Last edited by Criticized; 07-24-2003 at 10:03 PM. Reason: hUKt ON foNix WErkt 4 mI!!!
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Old 07-26-2003, 06:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 07-26-2003, 10:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
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w w w . f r e e w e b s.com/thaundadoggs/soldier.jpg
The Soldier One


BAMM!!

"A Soldier's Cry"

As bugs crawl upon his body, bitin' his clothes
Can't move, the tall grass got'm hiding from foes
His timing is bold now, his point? He understands
Sit and wait for enemy soldiers, with his gun in hands
The rifle is heavy, but he knows it's better to hold
As he thinks of his wife, and all the letters he wrote
His pet cat, which he's had for years now
And his kids, as he starting to have tears now
He misses their gasps and cries as he tries to laugh
Looking upon the enemy base, which is confined near gas..
tanks, one shot to take out their minor fortress
He knows his reason, and he'll do anything for this
Legs are sore now as he feels pressure applying
Tried to move, but held back by thorny flowers beside him
Sighing, right about now - he felt like crying
But didn't, as smelled the fresh smell of the nice breeze
...
Footsteps behind him, this was the moment of truth
He's gonna die, there's no denying - He's knowin' it's true
He thinks about his wife and kids, "I'll hold onto you"
BOOM! last sound he hears, there's goes all his youth
Or does it? Has he lived through the story - to tell it?
He blacks out to wake up with a hole in his helmet
And Not His Head...

.
daMn

-Weez
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Old 07-26-2003, 10:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Criticized- hum...i gotta be honest i didnt liek the ronald Mcdonald idea....i thought it was stupid lol no offence...some of it was good but i just really didnt liek too much of it

Weez- your verses was good...good imagery...i loved the story and the twist at the end....good verses

vote =illweeman
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Old 07-27-2003, 05:02 PM   #9 (permalink)
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vote- Weezy

Crit- I really wasn't feelin yours at all. Just couldn't get into it.

Weezy- very nice. Nice story and imagery. Way better verse.

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Old 07-27-2003, 08:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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o well...nice verse weez
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Old 07-27-2003, 09:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Old 07-28-2003, 11:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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vote weezy...

crit...your verse was solid, a bit humurous, but it did seem rather rushed, i wanted more, that's just me, your flow was good, and you had some aight multi's as well, went rather nice with the picture props

weez...another solid verse, i loved your imagery and vocab and flow and multi's and, you get my drift, i liked both pieces but yours stood out more, it felt like it was prepared more with thought and not just thrown together
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Old 07-29-2003, 12:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Criticized... unlike the other voters above, I found you verse pretty solid. It had a lot of creative humor in it. I was pretty damn funny to me. But since it was rushed you didn't put in the effort to tell a complete piece and elaborate more like I would have liked to see.

Weez... nice verse, good scheme, flow, and lovely multi's. Decent emotion and imagery just made this the better verse in the battle.

Vote- IllWeeMan
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Old 07-31-2003, 03:41 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Weezy Moves On....
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