feedback please?

[nO gOoD!]

when I write with a pen, its like we siamese twins..
I get a couple thoughts, and I'm like "why me again?"

Im blessed with this gift, but yet my neck could get slit..
if I dont watch myself, cause y'all said I was sick..

I write with a purpose, like livin my life up in churches..
I spent time in jail, for puttin knifes up to purses..

but I never ever lied, I've always brought you tha truth..
dropped it from the top, like snipers off on tha roof..

you lost in tha proof, so you might need a closer look,
but if you dont hurry up foo, I might close the book..

and end it right now, like It was tha end of my life,
people said I was a loner, with no friends in my sight

__________________

[TonyRome313]

Seem to be on beat. Could work on that flow a bit more still. Flow seems kinda monotoneous. You don't want that to hold you back. Flow is a highly overlooked part of rhymin'. But it's the dividing factor of whether or not people wanna hear your raps. you could be ill as hell and have a wack flow very few people will like you (only select few backpackers will listen and you have to be REALLY lyrical for your rhymes to rely solely on lyrics) but at the same time you can be lyrically wack but have a flow that makes you rich (Nelly is the easiest example of this). So you gotta work on that flow. Study the flows of great flowers like: Jay-Z, Eminem, Fabolous (<--great flow but terrible delivery), Rakim, Big Pun etc. etc. You see the common occurance amongst these emcees in this list? All highly succesful.

[Hibernation]

Pretty Nice

[n-thrawl]

...

[fikti0n]

Not too shabby man.