rate this freestyle... PLEASE!!!!!!

[mvballer1303]

Im 14 im just starting out...



Listen girl after hearin this rap u might think im a maniac but
If u like it and wanna gimmie head then u a braniac
so let me get on ya back and do ya
With a little smack to that fine ass lick it up like its a gooey paste
With a discreet little taste like PCP.
you get jealous when u see me in the bouncing in the 6-3 rollin on dubs smoken dem shrubs
I got the phat 23’s with hydrolics and I'm as hot as tha Alkohalics
Gotta call it and put on a jimmie hat and thats when u know
its time to hit the sack get out the bong,
light it up and let me hit that ass till the
break of dawn and take off that pretty white thong and I’ll get u in the dong , and when I nut
in yo mouth that means im rollin out and when im away u jealous cuz im
cruising in cadillacs sellin 4 sacs.
I catch cats in the act tryin ta copy my raps
I tell em they mine, they don’t listen so I pull out my nine put em on their behind
Press rewind do it one mo’ time, u just frontin’ cus Im in the game and u still in line at the wrong time cus u know what u doin is somethin’ u cant handle cuz ur whole life’s a scandal, so when u act like fool im take out my tool and take yo ass ta skool, how u like my drastic scare tactics, u fuck wit me again
Ill zip ur family up in plastic.

[Lil Rich]

Thats Wak Try Making Beats

[Lethal_E]

this was wak ask *GeMiNeYeZ* for help
ps i hate your style

[prophetic wordz]

here is some constructive crtitcism...

1.. flow wasnt that bad... but you have to many similies in it....

"like it was paste"

2 get a better vocab.. use bigger words... and mix it up...

3 get more lyrical... have more than on rhyming word in the sentance....
ex: loke at my sig...the big l line.. it has nice word play..

4. have an eye openeer at the begining of your verse.. // so you you can get our attnetion..

these are just some areas i thought you could improve on...
post another verse...and ill jusge again

[KnowTheLedge]

damn yo...wtf r u thinkin hatin on this lil kid man??? give him constructive criticism...don't fukin say he sucks n thats it....damn man...

lil man...get away from sex.whips,rims...n all that....Prophetc gave good advice...get a bigger vocab...better subject also. try breakin the flow up in better structure... use / or another item to break up ya bars...keep at it...don't worry bout the hataz...theaz always sum...i got hated on when i was 14 lol

[Gimme-A-Name]

i agree wit getting away from all ^^^. Give a purpose ta ya rhymes. Im only 15 too, so i been on that road of people shittin on ya verses but its aight. You got some future if you fix ya style and rhymes a bit. A little bit more technicality will help you out. Try practicin ya multis too, hope i help, stay up kid peace

[TonyRome313]

Big part of it is to learn more about music.

1st thing anybody in music needs to know is what a bar is and how to write in them. VERY FEW people on here know what a bar is. Even some of the people you might think are tight don't know this and will never get any good until they do.

To learn exactly what a bar of music is you can: Look in the dictionary, talk to people who play rock music/a drummer/ or a good producer (wack ones are often wack because they don't really know either). You will never have a good flow till you know this information so don't stop after the dictionary.

Hip-hop is 4/4 timing so it should be easy for you to learn hip-hop bars. One big tip that should send you on the right track is that hip-hop bars revolve around the drums.

Example of a bar:
Bar 1--->"I'm cancerous- so when I dis, you wouldn't wanna answer this/"
Bar 2--->"if you repsonded back- wit' a battle rap, you wrote for Canibus/"
Bar 3--->"I'll strangle you to DEATH..., and then- choke you again/"
Bar 4---->"and break your fuckin' legs, till your bones poke through your skin/"

illest shit ever.

[n-thrawl]

...