my 2nd song writtin rate 1-10

This is a discussion on my 2nd song writtin rate 1-10 within the Lyrical DOJO forums, part of the Written Emcee Area - Text Only category; this any better then my 1st attempt....i kno i aint that good but hopefully if i work at it you’s ...


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Old 06-09-2003, 02:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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my 2nd song writtin rate 1-10

this any better then my 1st attempt....i kno i aint that good but hopefully if i work at it


you’s the bitch get-in rich off other peoples shit/
you say u an intellectual but u just a straight up homosexual/
Spit-in all these lines/ that were actually once mines/
I guess I should compare us to Tyson vs. holdyfield/
bite-in so many lines catch u wit the hook n’ reel/
don’t u feel special running around wit ya ghat /
son who go-in to shoot wit dat?/

You shoot-in opps u missed

Throw-in so many whack lines even white boys gotta diss/
I can’t believe Ur still rappin/lyrical soldiers will have Ur lungs collapse-in/
u vs. us is just a fatal attraction/kill u bitch’s like salient assassins/
Murder-in different MC’s kill-in them by the ration/ I’m do-in it for the passion/


You shoot-in opps u missed

U Just another bitch that just joined our black list/
U might as well go ahead n’ slit Ur wrist/
better off then try-in ta step ta dis/
I may be white but my rhymes aim to kill/give ya a chills/ make ya freeze in action/
put ya body in traction/spit so quick u be like o shit what just happened/
matter a fact then I’ll just put u in a car or a van/shoot u right there where u stand/
u demand a recount well there ain’t no recounts from a T.K.O./
ain’t no recounts when I bury u 6 feet below/
ain't no recounts when my shits like whoa/

I’m shoot-in at u ya’ll bitch’s

Me and blackout will have u sleep-in in ditch’s/
we like light switch’s/ turn us on n’ we drop-in bombs/
Pretty soon u can find us out on CD ROMs/
Ain’t a psychic/ I can’t read Ur palms/
but I can predict the future lyrical soldiers is the future/
We a mix like gin n’ tonic ¾ white n' ¼ black/
hit u harder then if u were a quarterback/
hit u quicker then if I was take-in it to the whole n’ I was shaq/
there ain’t no surviving our lyrical attack/ have u lay-in face down flat on your back/

Like Wu said “we ain’t something to fuck wit”/u got guns u better come at us quick/
cause were flip-in this game upside down/pump-in u clowns round after round/
of verses leav-in u in hearses/ u wish u could reverse this fate/
but its too late u already started battling the great/
Were shoot-in!!!{Guns}
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Some things are better unsaid; so I write them instead

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Old 06-09-2003, 11:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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7/10

Flow was nice..still kinda on the simple side..an could use some originality

try to step it up on the complexity..vocab..methaphors an explore some unventured territory if u can
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Old 06-10-2003, 08:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Krysto
7/10

Flow was nice..still kinda on the simple side..an could use some originality

try to step it up on the complexity..vocab..methaphors an explore some unventured territory if u can
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