Rate ma lyric

[Tha 6th DawG]

yo.. i'm a just beginnin' rapper so my lyrics are not the tightest... and i'm from The Netherlands you know so to write a English lyric is very difficult for me ... so don't put me completly down... just give a number out 0-5... don't say "your'e wack" N the other shit like that... aihT??? plz people don't put me down...

here it is ...

Wise words

(VERSE 1)

[Tha 6th DawG]
never realised hiphop was so extraordinarily
hiphop or rappers G's never put on me
till a couple of years ago
my brother came in with a album of pac
now ima fan foe shoe yo
listen to this listen to that 2pac was tha man i always wanna met
years dreamin' of it touch Ninteen-ninety-six now he is dead
it ain't safe no more everbody is anxious
people think every man from tha streets dangerous
mothafucka slangin' fuck ya'll motherfucker try to be like me
ain't nobody fuckin' wit a G
people livin' in tha sin of earth who is it worth
i'aint make the decission it's you birth
were it is is it in holland america or at the pen
ill hope i meet you one time n over again
i ain't came from tha streets so ian't talka bout
how it goes in the ghetto in the streets pep-pep
i was birth wit welfare it ain't mean i don't care
every man n woman know it ain't fair
prayin' for the good days n forget the bad days yeah
you ain't hear me talkin about the good but 'bout the bad

(chorus - repeat 1X)
B-A-D days we call it bad days
prayin' every day for good days
be proud wat you are n hope for good days
look positive at life
i'aint scare for death cuz' ill hope for good days
when ill die me goe to heaven
pray for good days n you will go too
ain't no need to proof cuz' it just true
listen to my wise words wise words

(VERSE 2)

[Tha 6th DawG]
pray pray pray we do it all tha dayz
when your baby's born prayin' for him to be GOOD
nobody wants to born n raise a kid in the HOOD
i know it ain't no experience from me i didn't but enough people DO
some people ownz housez like castles N people ain't got no FOOD
look at the punk ass po-po do everything what they don't gotta DO
when the good days come the time of paradise ARRIVE
everybody lives his life how he want n DIE in peace
good days and we're goin' to heaven like G'S
like pac like eazy E what do you two SEE in a real G
you see yourself cuz' you 2 were the real G's
gotta say it again only in ma lyric now R-I-P rest in PEACE
to two of my favorite ARTISTS


(chorus - repeat 1X)
B-A-D days we call it bad days
prayin' every day for good days
be proud wat you are n hope for good days
look positive at life
i'aint scare for death cuz' ill hope for good days
when ill die me goe to heaven
pray for good days n you will go too
ain't no need to proof cuz' it true
listen to my wise words wise words

(verse 3)

[Tha 6th DawG]
live your life how you want do what you gotta do SEE
lets lives up your own FANTASY cuz' you can do IT
²²²²²z ain't go for it are jealous N talkin SHIT
you believe in the lord in god
nobody likes you till you get rich now your'e hot
the people that ain't got no chedda are NOT
they didn't want go for it think it was some shame
you have played n won the make-sumthin-of-your-life game
thinka 'bout wat you would be if you got the dough
ain't no dealin' more n lay-low for the po-po
instead of dealin' tha indo n coke ²²²²² get a J-OB
pray every day for good days in tha way ill do every day
i'm fourteen and kickin' the shit this far
cuz' i'aint scared to get slanged by the people that ain are


(chorus - repeat 1X)
B-A-D days we call it bad days
prayin' every day for good days
be proud wat you are n hope for good days
look positive at life
i'aint scare for death cuz' ill hope for good days
when ill die me goe to heaven
pray for good days n you will go too
ain't no need to proof cuz' it true
listen to my wise words wise words

[krysto]

Rate ma lyric

3/5...about average

but

For just begining it was great...i wont sayin nothin bad about it but i'll give you some advice for things you could do in the future to improve..get me?

Ok, the first thing that really jumped out at me was..words more then once, in my opinion you shouldnt use any one word more then one time in a verse..only time u can do that is on the chorus

also your vocabulary seemed a bit simple along with the concepts you used..try to ••••e that aspect up a little more next time

other elements you can through in next time for a better ryme is:
Muliple ryme- Go beyond just a end ryming word- Ex=Damn this man i cant stand him bein at hands of this plan
Metaphors-im sure u get the idea here
Be Creative and original-try new things..unexplored..makes the read more intresting
Complexity- makes the reader think more..and in my opinion a better read

Ok theres your Rate and then some..good luck in the future

[Scriptures]

This was horrible...

Just keep practicing duke....

[krysto]

Originally posted by Scriptures
This was horrible...

Just keep practicing duke....

come on it wasent horrible..that was his very first post

[Tha 6th DawG]

ThnQ Krysto... workin' on a new lyric... N the vocabulary will be better... Tha flow 2... so i post it if its finished...

[krysto]

no doubt keep writin

[Resilient.]

Sorry, but Krysto was lying to you. This wasn't average. It was very much below average. Flow was disgusting, no vocabulary was nicely used, and you had no good storyline at all. Imagery was weak as hell too. You have to work on writing in particular.

Krysto gave some decent advice, but dawg, you have to get REAL replies.

Not to be mean, but you suck. Try country or something . . .

Pz

[krisp]

yo bro....ima me straight up you had the heart..i could c you tryed...but weemans rite..you need to work on writing all together...take one of the elements that krysto mentioned and work on one at a time /////peace ....

[Kano]

I didnt read the whole thing but what I did read needs some work. Not only your rhymes but your material also, its like you are tring way to hard and its not consistant. 2.9/10