what do you think?

This is a discussion on what do you think? within the Lyrical DOJO forums, part of the Written Emcee Area - Text Only category; i'm new to this and this is one of my freestyles I want to know what you guys think and ...


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Lyrical DOJO RM Vets experienced in HIP HOP to teach New emcees how to write effectively...

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Old 06-04-2003, 08:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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topp-notch
what do you think?

i'm new to this and this is one of my freestyles I want to know what you guys think and if its bad could you give some tip on how to improve .

By:ToÞþ-notcH

The cerebro cortex is deeper than a universal vortex/
squeeze on emcees tighter than a corset/ my imagination
spans wider than global war fare/ snatch the mic quicker
than a woman's horse hair/ spit blades from throat- severing
limbs from the body/ give you a lesson in anatomy/ then return
your appendages to you in freshly baked pottery/ my mental
vocabulary is steadily surpassing thee/ capacity of human
standards written down on data sheets/ I'm a speak my peace/
you n###a's is weak/ let cats on the street beware of
my presence/ cause in life you learn a few of it's lessons/ I stand
alone butll fight against any weapon/ don't step or we might be reckin'/ push me to close to the edge and I'm a do what I feel is right/ even if it means the end of my adolescent life/ know n###a's that aint afraid to die/ or afraid of heights/
even if their hanging over a cliff with 100 feet of 10,000 razor sharp spikes/ they send their enemies on a hike/ never to be seen again until you travel to the after life/ stealin guy's wives/ always straight never triff/ wound up gettin sliced twice/ but thats a different topic for another night/…
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Old 06-05-2003, 09:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
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a bit too cheezy, really i thinbk ur consentrating on ur complexity far too much, u need to have a balanced blend of complexity, content, flow and wordplay. so because ur consentrating on makin it sound complex u r foecing the rhymes, basicaly putting in long words that actually have no relevence to the topic just because they rhyme. so think about the point u want to put across in each line before u write it, it will make it alot more meaningful, and try and actually write about a specific topic, if u have trouble thinkin of something to write about pick an RSTL topic and do that, but make sure u keep on point wit the content or the whole verse won't be felt. make sure ur lines arent too long or too short, if theyre too long the verse becaomes boring to read and the flow will be all messed up, if theyre too short it will become too basic and will basically sound shit, and make sure u try and keep every line the same length.make sure u include multies( multie syllable rhymes, for example: criticize and fit his size, that is a multie) because multies make the whole verse seem much more complex and if u get them right then it will flow beuatifully like a tropical river. wordplay, when ur about to write a word down, try and think of a better way to put it like if u were goin to write say..'eat' for example think of a better way to put it like for instance 'devour' or 'engulf' it will again make the whole verse more complex.i donmt know if that helped but i hope so cos otherwise ive just wasted a loada time. but try doin all that that ive sed and u'll be a 'poetiquette' or 'vern acular' in no time. pz
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Old 06-05-2003, 01:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
Text is Far 2 Easy...
 
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Too much focus on vocab....you're trying to sound too smart...just let it flow, and stop using the rhyming dictionary.....lol
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Old 06-06-2003, 08:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!krysto will do you doggie style!
Q:What do you think?

A: Well...as far as your flow it was pretty good...vocab..nice
but most of it didnt make any sense..lol..good try though..

You must have a subject and a point or it will not make sense
5/10
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Old 06-06-2003, 09:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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topp-notch
thanks for the advice
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Old 06-07-2003, 07:20 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally posted by Scriptures
Too much focus on vocab....you're trying to sound too smart...just let it flow, and stop using the rhyming dictionary.....lol
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Old 06-07-2003, 05:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally posted by topp-notch
thanks for the advice
No prob
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