guilt

[h.wood]

i have witnessed first hand the turning of the tide
felt the bodies of water churning and was soothed by the steadiness of the eye
i've been lost between mass hysteria and spontaneous suicide
but have found my destination and balanced myself upon the boderline.
for what i give is taken and then tarnished by replies
transfered, transformed , and mistaken because it's seen through eyes which are not mine
those i cant appease , i would like to reconcile
and rectify the dormant, who have lost the will to smile
pouring from the pitcher each a glass of sunrise
letting them drink untill they're lit- like tequilla torched fireflies
i'll shutter by like butterflies which flutter my insides
singing lullabys the mother i
quiets my inner cries....

and to whom it may concern- i love you without the why's
wonder shys and wander lies
wearing old hats as a disquise
coats are fine , but throw those useless shades aside
hearts only thaw when you realise they dont beat well with eyes

i apologize ..
wicked i, am guilty of just a few crimes
and the shame i hide keeps blankets tied in nooses relationship wide
because i cover up... on chilly nights warming what i'm denied

feeling locked and shut outside
but from rain this roof keeps me dry
surrounded by four corner spies
listening to empty cradles cry
oh so soft i'm tucked in tight
streching in a bed 6 feet wide
then i wake and realize it's turn upon it's side

[TuNed RooT]

I like how the measurements of lines switched and shrunk throughout the whole piece. Nice movement of the words and best yet, how I was reading it outloud, their was much flow to it. Well, from my own perspective, because sometimes you need the individual who wrote it read it to actually determine if it flowed or not. Other than that, the metaphorical statements were pretty nice and sweet, similies were there as well. Those two aspects are my favorites, because it really paints an image in your head of what you're trying to think of and that's guilt. Here's an example of a simile/metaphor that you used, which I felt completely:

"those i cant appease , i would like to reconcile
and rectify the dormant, who have lost the will to smile
pouring from the pitcher each a glass of sunrise
letting them drink untill they're lit- like tequilla torched fireflies"

I was glad that I'd read this, but keep the pen steady and I'll keep my eyes reading. My blessings..

[h.wood]

thank you very much. i was alittle worried with the way it would read , but it read aloud good to meglad you like it ^

[Brit Boi Gee]

awesome, i lurve reading your poetry girl

[h.wood]

Originally posted by Brit Boi Gee
awesome, i lurve reading your poetry girl

thanks brit

[augee.ali]

Originally posted by h.wood
and to whom it may concern- i love you without the why's
wonder shys and wander lies
wearing old hats as a disquise
coats are fine , but throw those useless shades aside
hearts only thaw when you realise they dont beat well with eyes

This right here ^^^ is the most profound part of the whole joint. It was very sincere. To me it sounds as if you were saying what we want could be right in front of us and we don't see it because we're so busy hiding. Maybe I'm wrong. I liked this joint though.

[h.wood]

Originally posted by augee.ali
This right here ^^^ is the most profound part of the whole joint. It was very sincere. To me it sounds as if you were saying what we want could be right in front of us and we don't see it because we're so busy hiding. Maybe I'm wrong. I liked this joint though.

yep. i'm sooo glad someone got that-lol thank you

[varentao]

It flowed in a very rought yet kind of enchanting way (that's the wrong word to use...but along those lines..)..

..wel that's how it was to me anyway...it bought with it an on the edge style that though maybe fell off a couple of times...overall added to the raw flow of the piece...oh, and the imagery was used to good effect too..

..what more is there to say?..but..

...resp...

[Mind~$oul]

augee ali took my quote this was a great piece holly, like always. Seem like you gettin deeper and deeper with ya shit.

one luv

[lpoet]

i think that i always end my pieces well

u on the other had always seem to start them well

the first few lines of your pieces always seem to draw me in

and this was no different....

and

and to whom it may concern- i love you without the why's
wonder shys and wander lies
wearing old hats as a disquise
coats are fine , but throw those useless shades aside
hearts only thaw when you realise they dont beat well with eyes

whew

i know someone else quoted that

but damn

great line

lovin this right here

up for you

[h.wood]

thanks