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Doyen: This was pretty sick, the beeps continuing really got me wondering what was going on, and I had to really pay attention, I liked it a lot, story moved along nice... a little hard to believe that he didn't realize it was saturday and he didn't realize it... I think it being some lame holiday would've been the best, but very nice verse, I liked it alot...
LL: I like how you use kinda random terms sometimes... you went first with literary terms (antonym, antitethis) then went onto the scientific kinda language, the idea of building a house on sand is really a good one, but using 'final' in there wasn't the best word choice... this verse meandered around quite a bit, but kept its central theme, which worked out very well.
This is such a good match up, I gotta give it to Doyen, very very fuckin nice match up though.
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"Those who know they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound strive for obscurity." -Nietzsche
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This isn't a place for people to improve. This is a support group, where everybody just pats each other on the back and give words of encouragement. -predicate on the poetry realm
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