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I got mixed messages towards the end..
Was she masking how she found you attractive for the sake of her tired, hypocritical and society imposed beliefs?
Or are you saying that you don't care how she looks at you, and what she thinks. Because you, more enlightened, see the beauty..
Of course, though this centres on two characters, it's really a generalisation, is it not?
...well nicely done...though i felt once or twiceint he first stanza it felt slightly akward. Structure being the possible reason. And the second stanza i felt could've been executed a bit better. It could've been the way you constructed it to end (the build up), or just the words used in the last line. I felyt something that was blunt yet still had an echoing feel to it would've been good..
..overall, if felt there were some parts missing towards the end. The piece didn't go as well as it could've if i believe you had added a two lines to bring it more together...maybe elaborate a by doing it (no necessarily in a blatant way...sticking to the theme you stuck to..)...
...but it was a nice piece...
..resp..
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