[Atheist]

Jimmy Eles:
Man, I am very impressed with this verse. The story itself was very entertaining, and how you ended it was great. I liked how you fooled the readers into thinking it was a dream (because we all know how much we writers hate seeing dreams used as fuckin’ explanations) and then flipped it by using the psychic to visually illustrate the future to the main character. That was a nice touch, and the story itself was well thought out. Several twists and turns here and there, and the way you described it was of a high standard as well. So overall, I’m very impressed with what I read here, and I really think that you can only get better and better the more that you write.

Favourite lines:
i wiped it from my mind for the time chalked it up as a dream..
in nice sun shine we sat n talked enjoyed the scene...
about 20 miniutes later we where off heading to our 9 - 5's
after we showered brushed our teeth and read the times..
as we stepped out the door the air was brisk on my lips..
the wind swirled and howled giving me a wintery kiss..
standing there as snow flakes jumped into her hair..
i had to bestow to her how much i loved her and cared..

Oneiric:
To me, this verse seemed a little rushed. Each line bounced all over the place, with thoughts and images that didn’t really connect too well. The flow was decent, and the rhyme scheme was okay, but the writing style itself was choppy and hindered by the feeling that you hurried this verse. I hope I am right in saying that, because I would like to see a more polished piece from you, where time has been dedicated to it, and there is more of a connection between each line and thought, instead of them going from one extreme to the other.

Favourite Lines:
Filled with hate, anybody who makes a mistake
Looks at me funny, my hypocracy burns the stake
And it is myself who suffers worse, I learn to change
I must! Change, wrought with inside molten rage
Lava, pouring from my veins enlarging my pupils
Parada, I bind myself and try to climb out of a loop hole
Help me! I look inside to find yet another caged demon
Why why why says the lion behind bars enduring the seasons


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Vote: Jimmy Eles.
What I loved most was his story, a good old fashioned enjoyable read. Furthermore, Jimmy’s verse was that more polished than his opponent’s; the latter had a better flow, but that was probably the only department that Oneiric edged Jimmy in.