|
KDp- you claim you had to rush this, and it shows with the last bit writing. i wish you had had more time because it started off nicely. the intro flowed and rhymed so well and really got the story started off so well. i also dug the repetition of the number 12 throughout the piece. it's just a little thing, but itshows that uo are very conscious about your own writing and you're willing to do the little things to add depth and substance to your verse. however, as i said the end of this showed that you were rushed and the development i saw at the beginning just wasn't there, which really detracted from my enjoyment of this piece.
Atheist- pretty damn nice. the emotion showed thorugh and you still had some fairly complex writing, and it's often tough to do both at the same time. a couple of rhymes came off a little forced, but not enough for me to really waste time nitpicking because for the most part, the rhyme and flow were great. i dug how you brought everything full circle in this too using the music box as a symbol for her family and her dreams' own destruction. overal i just really enjoyed the whole tone and emotional depth in this piece. impressive job.
VOTE= Atheist
|