[Kid Phikshen]

dougie: wow, i am thoroughly impressed by your style of writing here, the skill level was way above your original bar and the entire plot was satisfying and came off somewhat simple yet very intricate, a few big words and a better death away from a got life verse here, the flow for the most part worked for the entire story and the story itself was somewhat interesting, the death scene was lackluster which was the biggest bruise of the verse for me, had that been stronger i feel as though this verse would have done so much more, as is i felt as though the story itself/the actual plot scheme was superb and very interesting, my only gripes are that the love should have been captured better and the death could have been more descriptive but the ending was somewhat strong here and the quote at the end fit perfectly into the script, i'm not so sure if i'm taken back by this verse simply because of skill or the fact that it was written by an author who is believed to have little of it, either way i enjoyed the verse, good drop homie.. your work/consistency is definately beginning to pay off

pain: i appreciate your form of writing but i feel as though you fell short in several areas here, the main problem i guess would be that i never quite grasped the topic of this verse, i mean i get the just of the verse but what topic does it rely to pertaining to the topics given for the week? i just couldnt draw a correlation here which i feel should really either disqualify this verse or cause major point deductions when voting, besides that i found the flow to be somewhat fluid and led me through the entire piece, i did enjoy reading this piece however i grew very bored with it shortly after the first stanza, the writing was just bland for me and read as such, a lot of short rhyming bars and quick metaphors and references to life but no real focus, another problem i had was with the consistency of the language and maturity, at times it felt deep and personal and then to cater to your rhyming pattern you would throw words like 'yo' and 'peeps' and other slang terms which made for a real inconsistent tone, had you stuck with that language mixture throughout and blended it more evenly maybe it would have been less noticeable, i dont know what it is but something with this verse just did not connect with me, the emotion was there but somewhat hurried by the quick flows and the story as a whole was nonexistant but more less the venting of some troubled soul, i must admit that i enjoyed the read for the most part (at least after the third or fourth when i put all of the pieces together because on first read i literally was bored with it) but i just feel as though you fell short, good drop nonetheless and definately a solid open mic piece

overall, i really hold mixed emotions towards this match up, i one end i feel as though my good opinions may be cause by pure excitement of reading a worthy post from an unworthy competitor, dougie g has grown to be a symbol of weakness and yet every week i feel as though we cheer him on and root for him much like rooting for an underdog, it was a bit overwhelming here to read such a piece from the league's underdog and i really enjoyed reading his verse, on the other hand there's pain who has been a disappointment to me as of late, i enjoy his writing style but this verse just never grasped my attention, creatively speaking the overall plot was bland and overused minus the few metaphors which slightly stood out, and it read as if he just posted an old open mic as to not no-show, his verse covered none of the given topics and though it portrayed pretty good mechanics i just don't feel that it deserves to win here, good match up and pretty good reads for both but i think i have to give my vote to dougie g

dougie, i expect you to capitalize next week off the momentum here, stick to the same formula, tightened up the flow and work on your descriptions/imagery, i voted for you because my gut said so but regardless it looks as though you will inevitably recieve an L, but you're getting very close to becoming a solid competitor within this league, again.. just work on tightening your flow and enhancing your descriptions/imagery, the plot itself was interesting, creative, and a good take on the picture so if you can keep those same juices flowing then i think someone will have a tough match next week

pain, i think you know exactly what you need to do, by no means are you inexperienced and this verse proves that, i honestly just think you posted an old open mic to cut corners here and it didnt really connect to the topics given, as a topical it worked because the focus is not really on creativity and plot however i prefer a good story seeing as how most topicals have been done before either by someone here or some rapper/poet elsewhere, but i'm sure when you find time and inspiration you'll give somebody hell because your writing is already there

great match up guys, i really enjoyed this one

wow, sorry for the double post but i was terribly wrong here and i dont feel like editing my vote so i'll explain my new reasoning now

as noted, pain's verse was good and i apologizing for not finded the topic within the piece, it is quite obvious that he wrote on a moment of clarity and as is his verse was solidly written within that topic, still however it seemed much more like a topical and my suggestion that he chose to post an older piece to easily fit within such a broad topic still holds true

my vote also still stands although i do feel that pain's writing was more advanced than dougie's, i enjoyed dougie's story more than reading a generic topical

but i just wanted to note that i do see the reference to the topic and that it does not alter my original vote

thank you, and good job by both guys