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Vote - Pain
Dougie - I was pretty confused at the story as I was reading it. I understood what was going on but I dont really know what the purpose of it was. Didn't seem like a good plot, not very well thought out, there was nothing to keep me interested. The rhyme scheme was very basic as well. I'm not sure what the deal with this verse was but I'm sure if you spent some more time on your stories plot & built a better foundation you'd have much more sucess. You definitly have to have something creative that will keep the readers attention & have them wanting to read onto the next line & see what happens next..
Pain - I felt like you had a better concept of the tone & style you were going for with this piece. You get the vote for having the better plot, the better vocabulary & good story setting skills which painted a good visual for the reader. However, I will say this. This story & the type of emotions the character is going through.. its extremely basic... It was deep on an emotional level but its something I feel I've read 10,000 times before.. So try to stay creative.
Vote - Pain
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Every Verse from Every Battle from Every Round
The 2008 GRB Soundclick by King Grimet
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