[Got Life?]

Dougie - Ok man, some of this showed a lot of promise, like the first stanza minus the nicorette line, although the repetition of beautiful wasn't great...you painted the scene pretty well...if you developed your vocab more here you could have highlighted the imagery better and really grasp the reader from the start, but yea, not bad way to open up...then I like where the verse was going, until you revert back into primitive shit like "stroking a dick" and "fucking a hoe"...that shit is really not necessary, there's others way to depict shit like that which puts it on a higher level of writing, which I think would engage the reader more rather than be like...blah...as far as the whole "the next day"...i think that's a cop out...I hate when people don't transition with writing, but rather just slap a date and continue...so I'd work on some transitions here...then the ending didn't really grasp me as anything really interesting...seeing your own ghost before you die...why is it the ghost...why not a premonition from the future...or a guardian angel...would have made more sense and possibly worked better...decent way to use the topics...you're definitely improving.

Pain - I sound repetitive as hell because I already told you what I thought of this, I think the flow and scheme really carried this piece and you did it a lot of justice. A lot of good imagery, clever wording, wordplay, and just a high level of mechanics and good solid writing her. A very reflective piece which definitely works with the given topic. I really don't have many gripes with this piece.

vote = Pain.