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Star - I don't like starting out breakdowns with negativity .. but I really need to point out a major flaw in your writing .. the mechanics behind flowing a text piece are almost none .. it reads more like a story book page with bland (and sometimes none at all) rhyming on ends of lines .. vocab was subpar too .. the content of the story itself wasn't too bad .. it didn't appeal to me or really perk my interest but it was passable .. however the mechanics (multis, syllable counts, inner bars, vocab, structure, scheme) all fell short of the mark ..
Ink - well .. after reading the 1st stanza and hook I was ready to just go straight to Quick Reply and vote you .. flow was smooth and the content was straight .. but I read on (of course) .. and well .. it fell off tbh .. the flow in the 2nd stanza was really rough and lost continuity .. just about being held together by the content .. 3rd picked up the flow again but never really reaching the smoothness of the 1st .. I did like the story in general but it was predictable how it ended .. however, you know Rambo is gonna kill some soldiers and win his mini war at the end of the movie - doesn't stop you watching and enjoying it though right? .. this was not the most consistent piece but it certainly had enough here ..
Vote = Inkwell .. just an overall better piece in regards to both content and the mechanical aspects to writing ..
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