[Got Life?]

Star - ok, I think this piece really lacked any clear direction...first you're talking about your dad beating you because you got a B...then some unclear shit about your grandmother...then back to how you don't know her, never met her, so you switch gears into school, the imagery here was ok, but then the principal's office, you just come up with some kind of tie in, but you don't reveal it which just makes it pointless for this piece, the whole to be continued doesn't work well if the first piece isn't complete, also your rhyming is extremely simple, you need to develop your rhyme scheme better and really work on your transitions to make your piece more fluid.

Ink - After reading the first verse and this transition I thought you could have done so much more with this piece, as the progression seemed rather sudden from infant to adult in the instant of a quick lullaby, although I think the transition of using a lullaby was great for this topic...on a different note a lot of your rhyming seems very forced to me, it's not that it's bad, but it just doesn't read naturally, for example:

Apple pie? We bake it fresh, because thats the way it taste the best.
My daughter? Her name is Beth, she says her work has been major stress,

I unno, maybe it's just me...I think the fact that she dies is very lackluster and just seemed like the way you had to end it because there was no other natural progression, but I think her dying is what made this very typical and almost bland, although if you read star's verse first I don't blame you for not going all out.

At the end of the day you really can't compare ink's mechanics to those of star's as they are two different kinds of writers with a huge gap in experience.

This one was ink's for the taking and I feel he did enough to win.

vote = Inkwell