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Pain - I think your piece had some of the same troubles that my own pieces seem to have... leaving more to be desired.... When I finished reading your verse, and scrolled down the second picture, I was kind of expecting another verse beneath it. I wasn't really sure whether it was finished or not the way you wrapped it up either. I think the first verse had more of an ending to it than the second one. You had to sort of reestablish the 'now' from where you left off.
On the other hand the whole thing just read well. I liked the style you used. I liked the way you strung your words. No exuberant areas of rhyme that could forward the story in a big way to blow my mind, but you still managed to intrigue and retain the solidness of your verses just the way you broke everything down.
Eye - The thing I liked about this as opposed to Pain's piece was there was a defined ending in sight... ironically and especially when you said "No direction in sight" plus I saw where the verse stopped. And the line you delivered as your ending was in stone. Even if there was a picture below it, you knew that it could be the end.
There was something about reading it though that just made my head scream "multi multi rhyme rhyme, multi, rhyme, rhyme, multi.... " because that's what this was. I always seemed to like the beginnings of each line better than the ends. There didn't seem to be really any part throughout the entire thing where I felt I was making any progress in adding up the story. I can vertically cut your verse in half straight down the middle, and just reading left half of it is more fulfilling.
It made seeing the ending to this verse, despite the mechanics you showed, all more of a relief than it would have been after reading Pain's verse.
Vote = Pain
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