|
Star - this was refreshing to read from most verses i've read (and written) the past couple of weeks. it was nice to see someone just recite from more of a layman's perspective and still have some readability in it... at the same time it seemed to just be going through the motions.... there was nothing i felt was really special about the verse, and there was nothing that was terrible about it... it was just there.
Meta - your verse was nicely written, and more consistent throughout... i think you have a good grasp on pacing your story, that's probably the most impressive part about your verse... the story was there, not sure about the familiarity of it having any positive or negative affect on it at all, though it would have been nice to see some things come through stronger or just that you'd be able to hit harder throughout... i know it's probably supposed to be expected that there should be a big swerve at the end, but yours didn't really excite me. it made sense to do it though. i just wasn't excited by the verse... i am kinda tired though so i don't know...
vote - MetaSin
|