|
definately two good verses. dont have a lot of time for individual break downs. Pain your verse seemed really long to me.. didnt count the bars, if its line limit then it just read slow which isnt good either. The story was average, two guys 1 girl blah blah. the emotion was the strong point here. the rhymes were above average but not great, and i guess this is just me, but the mising of flowerly poetic language with random "street" or drug slang always bothers me.
Q the rhyming was much better, the story didnt exactly flow smoothly but it was entertaining and the ending hit like a pile of bricks. well worded too. gj.
vote - eye rime
__________________
Inkwell
Spontaneous Bop Prosody
Consider my verses word bombs.
|