[Quriosity]

sephiroth, the first thing that stopped me reading was the 6:00 PM 7:00 PM line, i feel as though you tried WAY TOO HARD to fit your lines into a box format when it clearly wasn't necessary, reading "SIX O'CLOCK PM, SEVEN O'CLOCK PM' really threw the flow off which before was damn near spot on, in the end this was actually fairly good for the most part executionally speaking, your flow stayed steady in most cases aside from some lines that seemed a bit wordy, and you stuck to the script/story and delivered what you intended to deliver (or so it seemed), the main problem i find with your verse however is while reading i felt as though i got lost in the flow but in actuality i was lost in the bore of your content, you offered nothing new/exciting/even remotely interesting to your reader and it just felt like the entire verse was filler, simple street schemes with actually a good ending for what it was worth but the entire plot just never held my attention, overall i feel you tackled a subject well that shouldn't have been tackled in the first place, creativity was shot

got life?, another let down and yet a bit of a surprise, from first glance this didnt appear to be a got life verse and made me question whether you recycled a piece from a long time ago, while reading the langauge and maturity was strong and you painted vivid pictures, the overall content fit the script and although the story in the end was rather bland, i felt as though you offered more to the reader, a much more interesting and engaging piece that ended rather rapidly but also realistically, i enjoyed the approach that at first i felt rather distant towards but when i re-read you transformed a simple, casual dialogue between two buddies about a girl into a poetic and interesting conversation that still fit into the standards of the story, the flow was off an on for me while never really being completely off but definately better at times than others, the title and picture didnt really seem to fit the storyline either which also makes me question the fact that you wrote this for this week but for what its worth i liked it

in the end, this is actually closer than i had expected, i enjoyed reading both and while seph would have been solid, he fell short on content that has been overused not only in writing leagues but in music as a whole and it really did nothing for me in that sense, as a reader it was a nice and easy story but in the end i felt the same, got life on the other hand was probably equal in execution for the most part minus his language skills and yet his content was much more interesting and really showcased his writing talent

i could see this going either way depending on the maturity/skill/reading level of the reader, but i have to vote for - got life? in a close one, had seph delivered something more original this may have been an upset