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hmmmm....
everest... i really liked the idea that you were putting forth. the thing that really bugged me about your verse was this... the lack of rhyme scheme, i mean, i didnt see hardly any multis which made the read more boring than what it could have been...
it just looks like you wrote the verse and rhymes at the end of each line which isn't too hard to do...
but your concept was enjoyable, and it didnt lull me to sleep as i wanted to get to the end of your piece...
Bonnie your piece had an ill rhyme scheme and it looked like it derived more of a hip hop essence.. it was just really hard to really get INTO your piece unless u are feeling the same way at the time... but it looked like you put alot of effort into it.... and it was a pick me up piece... and it's hard not to appreciate a piece that tells a story of anyone who is willing to fight through depression...
i have to vote for bonnie in this one... everest had a good read but i appreciated the rhyme scheme...
good luck to both of you
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