[Quriosity]

thereturn, i'm mad that we basically had the same ideas, or very similar at nature although we executed it totally different, ofcourse you went the more EMO route presenting the girl and her hardships and how she's forced to cope with them for the sake of her mother's feelings, i wish i could say that the events that occured here were unrealistic but i know that is not true across the board, the emo worked for the most part and gave the verse what it lacked in other areas, however i do feel that you can have built an even stronger connection by not minimilazing her troubles in that last line and actually confronting them which would have taken the ending a different route, as is it still worked for me and left the story with a sort of abstract vibe or maybe even poetic but not in the sense of poetry, the antagonist was never defeated and the protagonist was left in agony in which she had only learned to cope with instead of confronting, the ending or last stanza was worded nicely and wrapped things up quite eloquently, overall this was a pretty good story, mechanics wise the flow started out nice and then the lengths and syllable counts began to differ and then it ended in the same fashion that it had begun, more than enough to keep the reader going however, the progression was smooth throughout and the overall content was a pretty good take on the picture and a somewhat entertaining verse

apogee, umm, this ended up being a great idea that could have gone a long way, but terrible writing here for the most part, at least mechanically, the flow was hardly ever on and was a big distraction for me as a reader, also the wording/spelling/grammar was a major distraction, i strongly disagree with lucifa here about this battle going either way, to me your writing was immature and ineffective in establishing a strong connection between the story and the reader, i was never pulled in or captivating by wording or imagery, even the flow suffered here and as is i feel that your verse has nothing more to offer other than a good idea gone terribly wrong, i did appreciate your effort and the tie in to the topic which i felt was good and would have been notable had your verse supported the potential of your thesis, good shot though homie but you still have a lot of work to do

overall, i think this was very clear cut and there is absolutely no chance of an upset, of course TR did not produce to his potential or what some may have grown to expect from him and rightfully so being that he is seeded at the number 1 spot, but he still did more than enough to flush out the competition and his verse was still a good read

therefore, vote - thereturn